Monday, July 30, 2012


The past week are so has just been plain old bad medically.

We adopted Cav and Fei knowing they had medical needs.

I truly think we are in some form of spiritual warfare and I wonder if it's because we are close to getting LOA for the baby.

Poor Cav's surgical site is NASTY - as in blech, it's green and oozing, it smells terribly, and then last night we changed the dressing and there was this huge yellow gelatinous thing.  Of course my sweet husband looks to me for advice.  HELLO!  I was a NICU nurse - we didn't do this!  ICK!

But truthfully, we thank God every time we change the dressing that he can't feel the end of his leg yet.

Then Thursday I got a frantic call from our pediatrician.  She had FeiFei's MRI results and she was freaked.

Luckily, I was smart enough to ask for a copy of the report which I got Friday morning.  Also the one very nice thing about having a child with dwarfism is that the parent information group is AMAZING! I didn't even have to post as I found the information I needed under old postings as well as the file section.

The reason for or Pediatrician's freak out - Fei has a narrow Formen Magnum - um all people with Achondroplasia do - HELLO McFly!  Oh sorry did I say that in my outside voice!

There are still little bits of information that are concerning and may still require surgery but really - I had my bags packed Thursday night trying to figure out how I would do Cav's surgery next Monday and fly Fei for her surgery LOL!

Another really nice thing about the dwarfism community is that it truly is small.  i emailed a mom who we met at the Ronald McDonald house at AI Dupont years ago (both our kids are on their brochure!) Her daughter just had spinal surgery and she was a great source of information.  I emailed a copy of the MRI results to the ortho that did her surgery and we will see what he thinks.

Did I mention I am a bit of a freak.  I do choose to travel for our kids care.  I have worked in the hospital and not all Dr's and not all staff are created equal.  We do have the luxury to make this choice.  It may mean scrimping here and scrapping there but I flew Brahm to DuPont why would I let anyone else do an intensely critical surgery that I don't trust with all my heart.

NEXT please . . .

Oh yeah reviewing our latest insurance bill (they have truly been fabulous) I noticed a bill for Cav's prosthetist.  Hmmm, that kid meet his deductible in about FEBRUARY!  THen I realized the problem. His prosthetist is NOT in our network.  Are you kidding me?!?!  Um, ticked does not begin to express how I feel.  Did it occur to them to tell me when they checked our eligibility for Cav's prothesis.  So another email to our surgeon's nurse.  Luckily it was for $100 shrinkers and not a $5000 leg.

So why do I share this.  Because so many blog are about the rainbow and lollipops of adoption.  The glory days.  I thought that the spiritual warfare ended when we signed on the dotted line.  I do think some of this is really has do to with our current adoption.  But my children that were so incredibly based upon God are still his favorite targets.

In addition, if you have been reading recently we have been struggling with Feifei and her China Momma.  I now have my answer as to WHY he chose her to leave everything she knew, in probably one of the best situations an orphan could find themselves in.  In China, they would never have known about her spinal stenosis (tightening) this could have potentially been life threatening.

And then I remember what He has promised us ~

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.
                                                                                                                                Genesis 9:13

Our backyard
2 rainbows, 2 treasures

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Peace and reward

A strange thing has happened

I can't really tell you when

And I can only tell you it is by His grace

BUT an explicable calm has overcome us.

My brain tells me I should be freaked, panicked, spending my days worried.

Instead my heart, and soul are at peace.

This summer we have faced a lot.

a 4 year old losing both legs,
an unexpected bone surgery and rods,
instead of casts for 4 weeks . . . it became 8.

Now a wound infection
that needs to be changed twice a day,
a cast that is open where the wound is,
on a 4 year old.

An MRI for our Fei,
waiting to see if we need spinal decompression surgery,
deciding if that surgery will be here,
or on the east coast . . . which we will probably choose.

Reminders that we have no history,
on either of our treasures.
Truly, and although it seems like we have had them forever,
we don't know how they will react to anesthesia,
if they're allergic to anything,
if her potty accidents are personality or medical.

Dossier issues and the constant rumors,
A baby on the other side of the world,
and no hope of pictures, updates or even care packages.


And still He grows me,
and I find that when I remember He is in control,
and I look up instead of in,
I find incredible peace and rewards.

Home 48 hours after major surgery,
No issues with sedation for either,
incredible Dr's - experts in their fields.

It's funny as I chose to reply to a constant naysayer yesterday,
How this was God's journey and we were at peace with the LOA wait,
AND today
we woke to a little note of encouragement,
"Out of translation!"
One tiny step forward but oh did it do my heart good.
Reminding what a loving Father we have!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
                                                                      Jeremiah 29:11

Sunday, July 22, 2012


When we began this journey the number 1 question or concern people had were for our bio children.  This past weekend proved that adoption is possibly the single BEST thing we could ever do for them!

Our big boy is 13 and spent last week away at a church camp with 5 other of his buddies from school.  WE didn't sign up with them, this was just something that happened.  BUT once we found out that all six were going we made sure that they were in the same cabin (already taken care of).  I only tell you this because my son was surrounded by his peers.

At the very last minute I decided to take both Brahm AND Cav, even though we didn't have room for his wheelchair or stroller.

As we walked into the chapel area (me holding Cav) and waiting to find a seat I noticed a boy walking around us looking at Cav's amputated legs.  Now that isn't unusual and we are fine with it until they are rude or direspectful. 

Sudden he looks at me and says "I know what happened to him, your older son gave a testimony!"

Hmmm, that was interesting I thought.

Finally, after hearing about how incredible camp was for TWO days I asked my son about this encounter.

My larger than his momma, kind hearted son told me how he felt led to present a testimony about Brahm being born little and how we got Cav and FeiFei.

He didn't tell me much more than that - cuz you know he is a 13 year old boy LOL!

When I told him about my encounter I found out that this boy was actually a very small 6th grader.  Not as in small due to dwarfism but just a late bloomer.

I stand in awe of my sons obedience of sharing when led
and how God has already used a 13 year old and 4 year old.

Two boys who were separated by an ocean,
became brothers, 
looking past differences,
to do God's work,
and affect the life of another.

Ni Hao Yall

Thursday, July 19, 2012

It Happened {Prayers}

We have now been home 7 months.

I had read that things like this happen but I didn't know how shocking and heartbreaking it actually could be.

Let me paint the picture.

Big boy is gone, which left 4 kiddos home.

All but Cav have summer camp this week,
so we have to hurry out the door even though it is summer - you know how it goes!

Everyone trying to get breakfast and clothes on.

Basically, it's mass chaos.

All of sudden we hear the unmistakeable sound of FeiFei crying.

She has a heartbreaking wrenching sound when she cries.  We have only heard it a few times, but the first night she came to us the sound became seared into my mind.

We thought she was hurt, but there she sat at the kitchen table, crying and eating her cereal.

Finally, she said "My China Momma not coming to get me!"  "You are my family"

Ugh stab to my heart.

7 months this sweet girl of ours has been 'on vacation' with our family, waiting for her China family to come get here.

7 months she has waited and then in the chaos of an ordinary morning she realized reality.

7 months we have fallen in love with her, and still her heart is in China.

We did talk and told her how much her China Momma loves her - in fact so much I don't think they prepared our FeiFei for the adoption.  All I know was that our sweet girl was supposedly sent back to the orphanage in September.  Apparently it was such a disruption they sent her back to her foster family until the morning she came to us in December with her bags full of candy, vitamins and food.

We also told her that just like we adopted Cav so he could see the Dr and have a future - we did the same for her.  Sometimes the words will just not come as easily I hope.

Please would you pray for our daughter's heart.

Can you see the underlying sadness in her eyes?

And just because we deal with stress through laughter.  We all thought it was hysterical that she said "You are my family" like are you kidding me - couldn't I have at least been sent to a normal, quiet family LOL!!

Now don't despair to much she is still the sweetest and happiest little thing.  In fact, she is so apply compared to other children we really have to keep an eye on her.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Back in His hands.

Laying it down.

You would think that I had learned how incredibly might our God is while doing our last adoption.

Have I also mentioned that ~ we ~ have a parent toddler relationship LOL!

I am sure He is like "when will this girl ever learn to trust me!"  Hmm, verbalizing that makes me think if a particular little boy living at our house!

Ok, so I mentioned we REUSED our dossier.

Over the past few weeks I have been hearing rumblings of changes to the reuse program.

Instead of LOI by the 1 year anniversary of Gotcha - you now have to be DTC -
no problem, way ahead of the game.

Then I started hearing of LOA's being held until new notarized letters of reference were sent to China.

Oh but wait they were people who reused but were taking a long time.

Ok still not worried.

THEN, I read the same request for someone reusing who brought their child home in Feb.

UGG! - time to freak.  I mean beyond freak out!

I spent about 24 hours in sheer panic mode.

And then I woke up Sunday, and the birds were singing and I remembered I am the tool and this is HIS plan.

Funny thing our sermon - yep right along those lines.  Trust Him, because when it comes to expanding His kingdom He will prevail.

Open my email today - and read

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago." Psalm 77:11 (NIV)

How easily we forget the perfect timing he orchestrated for our trip to China in Dec, saving us thousands on airline tickets, and working around a broken arm here, school, and placing us back home in time for Christmas Eve service.

How easily I forget that our impossible deadline to be DTC by June 12th and we . . . I mean HE blew that out of the water being DTC May 31st.  

So I lay our journey back in His hands, trusting and praying. 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

1st Movie

It has been a crazy week but I want to document some of our little guys firsts over the next week so just ignore me LOL!

Brahm was ticked uh not very happy that his big brother and friend were not home when he was done with summer school.  I used to think that I had this parenting thing handled with my other kids but there is a reason we call this child the evil genius.  Even at not quite 6 he is a brilliant on understanding how to get people to do things he wants them to do.  I AM NOT a pushover but there have been times (more recently) that I will find myself driving to or be at a place and wondering how it happened LOL!

Ok back to the story.  He was manipulating conning me into taking him to a movie using pleasantries and his usual tricks.  But I realized that if we went all three littles had to go.  You know that look of horror - yeah I had that.  THe thought of bringing Cav to a movie especially made this momma quiver in fear.

Finally with the agreement to go to the $1 movie (so if we had to leave it wasn't a huge loss.)
So although we decided on the movie 1 1/2 hours BEFORE it started - we were LATE!

Rush into the dark theater and find it is NOT wheelchair friendly.

So I had to park Cav at the top, walk in the dark with the 2 dwarfs and their booster chairs, their large popcorn I somehow got conned into.

 Find seats - in the dark.

Boost several short people I know up on their boosters - still trying to NOT spill the popcorn UGH!

Oh yeah forgot Cav.

Go back and grab him and the soda.

Forget he is still kind of short too.

Go get a booster for him leaving all three of the afore mentioned preschoolers by themselves.

Return to find Cav covered in spilled popcorn.

Try to get him onto his booster without further ticking of the people behind us - um cast and hard plastic don't work well together.

About that time I look up at the screen and what do I see -

7 DWARFS!  Yeah I selected mirror, mirror as the movie to see and totally forgot what the movie was about.  Spent the rest of the movie worrying about what FeiFei was thinking and feeling like a total heel!

Can you say mother of the year award!!

Oh but they all had fun.

Fei of course was thrilled with the movie AND the popcorn and I needn't have worried!

Cav did awesome aside from the spilled popcorn and wiggles of his casts on the plastic booster.

And Brahm - well as you can see scored some candy and still had a little allowance left over!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Bows and Boredom

Summer vacation is killing this little girl of ours.  

Now let me preface this by saying that on her absolute worst day (can I think of even a handful um not really) she is still equivalent to most people's "normal"!

We have spent days swimming, playing and the boys doing her hair!! 

 It has been great for their relationship building 


we have noticed more and more issues with her not following directions, understanding what we are saying etc.

I know it's only been 6 mos


she was backsliding and it worried me.

Then, I discussed my fears with Mr Wonderful

"She needs the routine of school"



Her preschool has a summer camp 3 days a week - she started today and was back to her old self mostly.

For a child who used to go to school twice a day, summer break is just NOT an option.

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Babies Name!

Did you see it in my post yesterday?

I think we have finally come to an agreement on what we will name this little guy!

Let me start with the fact that this is NO small feat!

My husband - whom I love to death- just kills me when it comes to names.

I had a list of 30 names all beginning with T where we could keep Tao as his nickname

and wait

His name he threw out - wait for it, wait for it,


REally? he is a dwarf - you can NOT name a child who you KNOW is a dwarf - Goliath!

More names, more arguing, more stress on my part - names are a huge thing for me.

I was sure we were supposed to use a Biblical name

Hmmm, Solomon - I liked Solomon all day long - until Mr wonderful came home from work LOL!

FInally, he threw out the name Griffin,

Hmmm, I thought - let me google it.

I like the nickname +
It sounds pretty good +
It fits with our other kids' names - I think +
 and then I found this

"The griffin's dual nature led it to be associated with Jesus Christ, God and man, king of heaven and earth. The eagle half of the griffin signified Christ's divinity and the lion half represented His humanity. Because no one could block the path of a griffin, this creature was especially associated with that passage in the Gospel which records Christ's marvelous passage through the crowd at Nazareth who were determined to throw Him off a cliff. [Luke 4:28-30] During the Middle Ages, griffins were symbols of Christ's resurrection. The strength of the lion and the wisdom of the eagle combined in the griffin symbolized the strength and wisdom of God."


and the nickname!

Ugh as for a middle name - I'm thinking maybe we will just stick with Griffen ZiTao and skip the divorce LOL!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sunday Snapshot- Playing with light!

On the fourth of July EVERYTHING was cancelled here.  So we went to the pool, had a bite to eat, and then as it got darker broke out the glow sticks and daddy brought his uber cool daddy laser light thing!

I brought out my tripod, and super lens!  We were all amazed at what we could do - and it ended up being a blast!

All of the green ones were on Bulb mode - shutter open while daddy wrote so a tripod is a MUST!!

A sneak preview of the babies name!
If you look at the little bit of blur on the "N" it's actually the sprinkler spraying the light!
This was so FUN!!

 This was so cool - the laser light on pulse!!

Shooting on the giant pine tree in front of our house!

Our very first attempt and we LOVED it!!

Glow sticks on manual focus

Love this but someone couldn't wait their turn - hmmm who has the blue glowsticks?!?!

And I LOVE this one of our littles!

Canon 5d with 50mm lens - and most important A tripod!!
Most of these are SOOC as the more I processed the worse they looked LOL!

Ni Hao Yall

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Backpacks for littles!

It was time for this little guy to go on a date with his momma - he has had the largest impact from the adoption - going from the baby to the middle.

He was so excited he did his hair, put on a collared shirt AND wore socks!!

We went to his favorite - Elephant Bar!

He was so sweet and even opened the door and determined that holding hands was not for a date so he crooked his arm for me to hold onto just like daddy does - gotta love this kid!

Anyhow, after we were done with dinner AND the dollar store (gotta love a cheap date)
we stopped at the store looking for backpacks.

Let me tell you - dwarfs and backpacks don't usually go together well.

Now mind you my little man doesn't even weigh 30 lbs,
going into 1st grade.

Then I remembered that pottery barn had tiny full-size backpacks last year 
so off we went
cuz the ones were trying on made it look like the backpack had shoes LOL!

 this had to be the best backpack we have ever found for him!
AND the lunchbox clips on the front (ok I realize he is as tall as wide but still!)

Wearing it lose which he likes but I know his pain Dr would have a fit!

Tightened up and looking pretty cool!

As I have said many times having a little person really shouldn't be a special need, it takes just a little shopping and thinking outside the box
 (and might be just a little more expensive as I normally get backpacks form Ross LOL!)

Friday, July 6, 2012

Sad Hugs

I just have to say that my heart aches.

For a little boy,

Who has been with us for over six months,

He has learned a new language,

He has had surgery and lost his legs but gained a future,

He loves to go outside and play,

He has learned to play with his siblings,

He has even learned to come up to me on his own and say "I lug you mommy"

Truly, he has learned so much and come so far,

But still he looks at me with his dark eyes,
and you can see the confusion,
when I try to hold and rock him.

Oh such an intense pain to this momma heart - so many layers still to go.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Welcome Home!

You know, this fourth has hit me differently than ones in the past.

I come from a military family, so does my husband.

We both were in the Army - my dear sweet husband jumped out of airplanes in Alaska LOL!

So to say that we love this country has always been an understatement.

But after spending our time in China just 6 months ago - I can truthfully say that I was never so grateful to return home.

To a country where you can achieve as much as you want or not

A country, for the most part, that allows you to succeed or fail.

A country that does not restrict what we say, read and most importantly believe

Especially when it comes to religion.

We may all have our differences,

But I am so thankful that my dwarf children can someday aspire to be president - of a company or the country if that is their dream.

Thankful that a little boy can have surgery so that he will have the ability to walk

AND to prosper.

Although all of the 4th of July celebrations were cancelled due to the fire, I realized that we actually celebrated on Dec 23rd this year -
 When we landed in the US
and a stranger stamped our packet
and welcomed us HOME ~ including the 2 newest American citizens.

Happy 4th everyone!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

A place for Rocks

So I was sitting in Church today and for some reason decided to check out Cav's short cast.

It was FULL!

Of ROCKS - ok pebbles but still.
and dead bugs,
and grass?!?!

So, since Daddy was home today we grabbed the extra roll of casting material they gave me last week
an empty Route 44 SONIC cup
our gloves
AND little pleiers!

 Also the knee on the other side was worn through except about the thickness of a piece of paper!

So, not much left of the red, white & blue but it is now double and triple reinforced!

We are almost to the half way point THANK GOD!!

Ni Hao Yall

Also PLEASe continue to pray for the families in Colorado Springs who have lost their homes.  A very dear friend told me today that he had never seen anything like it . . . since Vietnam.