Living life together

When we were in the process of adopting Fei and Cav I saw an amazingly heartbreaking video.  I wish I had kept a copy but let me paint this picture for you.

THe person who shot the video heard an amazing sound during her orphanage tour, as she got closer and peeked around the corner, she saw a stage full of children singing. . . . the heartbreak was that there was not a single person in the room besides the children.  

No audience, 

No rows and rows of chairs filled with clapping and cheering adults.  

No siblings,

NO ONE

Just orphans singing and performing to blank and empty space hopefully oblivious to the absolute heartbreak of the situation!

Fast forward to today.

Frankly, it's been an emotional day

I let Satan in 

as I questioned the number of kids we had.

You see I had to be at 3 places at once - all miles apart.

I fret for days how to duplicate myself, 

weighing who should miss what etc.

All the events were important - the most important was Fei's musical - the problem it's a first grade musical and I knew it would last all of 20 minutes.

But for days all I could think of was the children from the orphanage 

without any family cheering them on.

Over and over this played in my mind.

I prayed for clarity,

AND THEN. . . .

I realized that the difference is that by adopting our girl, we also have established her in a community that not only loves her, but adores her.

Even if we were not at each performance, I slowly realized that God places us in community and asks us to do life together for this very reason.  

She will always be part of family, there will always be people to cheer her on, love and celebrate her.

So we went to the afternoon performance and although we tried desperately to make the evening one, I rested in the assurance that our community, our friends and teachers who cherish her clapped their hearts out for our girl ~ filling in where we could not be.

(AND I think I have finally figured out a pattern for pants for her - they are a tiny bit to wide but we are finally getting the perfect fit. . . . . versus Tao's which I can't even get over his thighs LOL!)

Field Day triumphs and woes!

THere are some days I jsut want to hide in my bedroom and cry.

Today was Field Day - I HATE field day.  My kids can't do stuff, they can't, they can't, they can't.

BUT I NEVER EVER, EVER let on to them.

I dread the day in silence, plan on attending the event to try an put out fires before they begin and be prepared to have a special treat at home for them.

WHen we only had a Brahm it was easy - I spent my entire day following his group around, anticipating and making the playing field as fair and accessible as possible LOL.

With 4 littles it's jsut NOT possible.  I get a much needed work out running from group to group but still I have learned I have to depend on my teachers to anticipate and care enough to accomodate my kids on the fly.

And you know it was great for 3 of them.  Ok Tao didn't really have field day as he goes in the morning.  BUT Brahm's class loves him, as does his young, future loving teacher.  So he joined them LOL!

Brahm ran and for the most part stayed up with his group in ALL events!!  THIS was the first year he could do that!!  We cheered, and were beyond excited for him.  Previous years (as we are jsut about a month into school),  Field day became the demarcation line where we could see his status in class go from cool little guy to something is wrong with that kid.

It has been beyond heartbreaking to watch.  BUT I think we are past that with him, and my heart sings!!  We were blessed with a gloriously warm day which helped his joints.  WOnderful kids who would match up with him at stations.  Apparently he did get drug in the 3 legged race, but at 32 lbs - well it's not hard to do.

Fei - well she was Fei with her radiant smile!  My favorite were the hurdles.  Apparently, she ran up to them, looked at them and then crawled under them!! LOVE

So our littles did incredible.  I am so relieved and excited that they had fun, had fun with their friends and are still as awesome before this day!!

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And then there is Cavanaugh - this may make people mad, but we only accomodate our kids some (ie I went to find the hand trike because I knew he couldn't do the bike race).  But most of the activities we ask them to try.  That's it, step up, do your best and be respectful of the people volunteering their time.  You don't have to be the best, you don't even have to finish but you must try.  (I am talking frisbee toss, ball throw etc.)

(THis is the 3rd year Cav has participated in one capacity or another so it was not new.  He has been slowly spiraling downhill as the predicted honeymoon is slowly waining.)

Cav decided he was not going to do any of it, and was defiant and nasty to his teacher and helpers.  So much so that they called me.  Luckily, I was on my way and we had a little come to Jesus meeting of how he is expected to act ~ period.  Both my husband and I are of the premises that teachers are not paid enough for the crap they endure.  I have to admit I am horrified that it is my son causing so many issues ugh

Cav loves to act more disabled than he is, and his teachers well, they have great hearts but totally enable the "poor disabled boy".  By the time I got to the school from my bible study at 11:30 he had eaten everyone's food from the wagon, gone to the bathroom twice, went to see the nurse and totally disrupted the entire classes time.  The hard thing with manipulative kids is that you can't pinpoint what is going on but you are totally and utterly exhausted and frazzled.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt I let him apologize to his teacher and rejoin his group.

THis lasted for a bit but then all hell broke lose.

Let's jsut say we left the school early with him screaming at the top of his lungs.

The sad part is that people only see Cav for his legs.  Not the child behind them.  If he had been born with legs I can guarantee he would never be allowed to act like he does.  It is such a disservice for his future.

My heart also breaks because those around us that saw me carrying my screaming leg flailing 5 year old out of the school will go back to their preconceived notion ~ that's why those orphanage kids shouldn't be adopted.  And THAT breaks my heart.

Celebrating our Fei!

I have to admit the past 2 birthdays for our daughter have been with so much heartache that I haven't really been able to celebrate.  The first one we were just days away from receiving her LOA and thinking she was being returned to the orphanage.  Then last year I had such a hard time celebrating because we know that this isn't really her birthday infact we are pretty sure it isn't even her birth month - probably more like Spring.

But this year we are celebrating!

We are celebrating this magnificent little creation that is the epitome of God's love and joy!

We are celebrating all of the people who have loved her along the way and the true treasures of finding little snip bits ~ from this pic from Half the Sky we found during our wait (on page 6)

To her pics from Madison's Camp Tiger 2

We are celebrating the dramatic changes in her life

from the scared little girl who "got on the bus and China momma was crying so hard"

TO a champion proud of herself and accomplishments

We are celebrating OUR daughter

 and all of the red threads along the way! 

Happy birthday sweet girl !

Her dream finally came true and she got her ears pierced!!

Love all the boys looking so thrilled for her!!

Summer Photo Dump

Ok I am so not a homeschooling mom- I need my time LOL.

So I am not to proud to admit that summer has been absolutely killing me.

BUT as I finally dumped the 307 pictures off my phone I thought I would do a quick catch - up because really it has been lots of fun!

We finally got the front yard (ok a portion) landscaped as our 23 year old house was looking BAD

The forest caught on fire

and the MAFFS started flying directly over our house

So we took photos of everything and packed our crap 

And reorganized 

And Oops what evacuated with us?!?!

celebrated Father's Day and finished up lacrosse

And met lots of new friends in real life!!

who liked riding bikes as much as we do

and bring lots of color to our once white life

and learned to share

and our friends came back (love this Jodi)

And more friends came

And even more

Until we locked the doors LOL

And we planted flowers and our crew figured the firetruck was great for watering

And we did summer school and rocked the 3 piggie opera

(and this shocked momma cried over her girl who has come so far)

And little man (green shoes) played baseball with his best friend

and got nicknamed sledge hamma

and all was right in his world 

And we were in a parade

And he walked part of the way and made us proud

and well he is jsut cute LOL

And we got major braces

and then they broke ugh

And our hearts break but our community has rallied

And the weather has been crazy

Oh wait MORE new friends

And our friends we met in CHINA getting Landon and Tao

And we found out dwarfs still don't float right side up

and watched the Jr National goalball championships 

Oh and the stinking cat had kittens while we were evacuated

and our big brother comes and goes, football, wrestling and lacrosse camps, 

mission trips and FCA

and everyday these two ask when he is coming home

Until they leave for camp

and mommy has no idea how many kids she has any longer LOL

But truly can say she is loving this new crazy life of many,

AND the incredible blessings.

Saturday we leave for the great roadtrip to the World Dwarf games!!

Santa Tears

I decided to brave the cold and loaded all the kids, all their gloves, snow pants, jackets, hats and sleeping bags into the truck and off we went to the Electric Safari tonight.

Well, mainly we sat in a long line of cars but your know.

It was so fun to share with the little kids the 1 million lights, and even the jaunt around our dang zoo wasn't bad (it is built into the side of the mountian - I swear the thing is straight uphill both ways.)

Anyhow, we had our double Bob stroller with 3 piled onto it and the kids actually oohed and aahed at the lights and the night dwellers that were alert and awake.

We got their jsut as the last tickets were being sold - so daddy jumped in line while we found a parking spot.  Then as we passed by the Santa Hut we grabbed one of their numbers jsut encase.

Well, we were one of the last numbers to be called to meet Santa.

Things like this I still really cringe at - really 4 little kids of which 1 has really sat on Santa's lap before, plus the logistics of getting short people up on Santa's lap, one not accidently kicking Santa's shins with his metal legs - ugh jsut creates a Calgon moment for me.

I expected tears, I did NOT expect them from Santa.

Brahm went first and we heard him say XBOX game blah, blah, blah (the kid has the gift of gab) so I elbowed hubby to try and listen what the other item was he wanted as the XBOX game was out.

As Santa placed Brahm down he looked at me and said "excuse me Ma'am"

With the same fear as I get when teachers call me - I walked up to Santa wondering what on earth our boy had said to warrant a direct intervention from Santa. (talk about quivering in your boots LOL)

Santa says to me "Your son asked if I could take the pain away from his joints so he won't hurt every morning!'

Oh sure a room full of people and I am going to start crying as I have a private conversation with Santa

"Could I give him a special treat to maybe help a little?" asked the Santa.

 I looked into his crystal blue eyes, wet with tears and a sadness that struck straight from his heart - no child should ask for these things.

I smiled as he pulled out a stuffed toy from his bag hidden on the left, in a room full of children who would only be getting little candy canes and smiled

What til you see who is up next LOL!

This crazy baby loves men with beards?!?!