THe Mailbox

It was a beautiful weekend finally here in Colorado - so we got busy with yard work and replacing our mailbox - ladies it only takes the mail lady reminding your husband that the door is falling off to light that fire LOL.

In all fairness, we live on a curve. . . the mailbox is at the top of the curve. . . NO WAY was I gonna let him change it out when I was in the adoption process for fear I might miss a very important letter LOL!

So there is sat in it's very tattered shape, hanging by one hinge, barely standing and dented.

But yesterday he came home with a supposed indestructible new mailbox and wood to replace the entire thing!!

When it's nice out the kids go outside - they are loud, and full of energy LOL!

But as I fiddled around inside the house, I remembered we have a new 11 year old.  He has gone so many years without a father teaching him about these things.  Although it would take longer, the life lessons for our boy would be invaluable.

(as a disclaimer, we never allow the kids outside of the gate because of said curve and we live kind of in the country so there are no sidewalks)

Our biggest problem is - this new 11 year old is really little.  He is a solid and buff little dude but this was our first encounter of thinking things through as an adult little person.  Tools, well tools are made for men - who I swear must all be close to 6 feet.  How does a little do these things.  As I was filing away a note in my brain that he would need to have a good handy man - our biggest littles brain stormed themselves and used a little teamwork!

They dug, flattened, and scooped while the littles carted rocks over!

They did an amazing job ~ what a blessing it is for this boy to finally have a father!!

Living life together

When we were in the process of adopting Fei and Cav I saw an amazingly heartbreaking video.  I wish I had kept a copy but let me paint this picture for you.

THe person who shot the video heard an amazing sound during her orphanage tour, as she got closer and peeked around the corner, she saw a stage full of children singing. . . . the heartbreak was that there was not a single person in the room besides the children.  

No audience, 

No rows and rows of chairs filled with clapping and cheering adults.  

No siblings,

NO ONE

Just orphans singing and performing to blank and empty space hopefully oblivious to the absolute heartbreak of the situation!

Fast forward to today.

Frankly, it's been an emotional day

I let Satan in 

as I questioned the number of kids we had.

You see I had to be at 3 places at once - all miles apart.

I fret for days how to duplicate myself, 

weighing who should miss what etc.

All the events were important - the most important was Fei's musical - the problem it's a first grade musical and I knew it would last all of 20 minutes.

But for days all I could think of was the children from the orphanage 

without any family cheering them on.

Over and over this played in my mind.

I prayed for clarity,

AND THEN. . . .

I realized that the difference is that by adopting our girl, we also have established her in a community that not only loves her, but adores her.

Even if we were not at each performance, I slowly realized that God places us in community and asks us to do life together for this very reason.  

She will always be part of family, there will always be people to cheer her on, love and celebrate her.

So we went to the afternoon performance and although we tried desperately to make the evening one, I rested in the assurance that our community, our friends and teachers who cherish her clapped their hearts out for our girl ~ filling in where we could not be.

(AND I think I have finally figured out a pattern for pants for her - they are a tiny bit to wide but we are finally getting the perfect fit. . . . . versus Tao's which I can't even get over his thighs LOL!)

Updates

Ugh packing up all our crap and then moving back into the house is taking forever!

BUT we have been back home for over a week and feel blessed that we were not affected by the fires.

For the most part our kids did fabulous  - Cav lost his mind but it took a few days.  We kept looking at each other (Chris and I) waiting for Mt Masuvios to blow.  A word of warning, the longer it takes the worse it can be.

We kept going over and over about being a family and staying together BUT the change in routine, surroundings, daddy and my stress all mixed together for the daddy of all rages ~ in public of course.

Although people came close to us while we were trying to strap him into the stroller (after kicking Tao and Brahm with his legs OWWW) no one confronted us.  We normally jsut leave, but both our older kids had championship games in Lacrosse and frankly we are tired of changing our plans to accomodate one little boy who hates the world (not that he doesn't have a right to.)

I think that is the hardest, people see Cav's legs and are horrified if we discipline him, or tell him no and make him act like the rest of the kids.  BUT he IS part of a family now.  It is not fair to the rest of the kids if we bowed to him, and besides his destroyed soul Cav's SN has been basically fixed.  Versus say another one of our children who is degenerative.

Anyhow, we strapped him into the Bob stroller as he screamed his fool head off, and thanked God that Tristan games was the very far field so we could park Cav in the field jsut over the berm and walk away (we could still see him).  We kept repeating to his demands "Once you stop screaming".

Since Cav's only commodity is school - he did not get to go on Monday.  It's just summer school and their programs are all fun based (not catch up summer school of my days.)

When his teacher asked I explained school is our commodity and it is only for good boys.  How refreshing for me that she GOT IT!!  Of course it would be easier for me to drop him off, get rid of him for a few ours so to speak.  However, someone once told me that all children have a commodity it is my responsibility to find it.  For Cav, he couldn't care less what you feed him as long as he is full - and if he isn't he will sneak it.  Sitting in his room, he doesn't care, but oh school now that is what gets him.

ANyhow, this all happened Father's Day and the week after.  Hubby only has Sundays off, and for as long as we can remember Cav has melted down on Sundays.  It makes us all not want to spend time together - but I refuse to allow us to take the easy way out - even though it is waring.

BUT he did it - this SUNDAY he didn't scream, he didn't rage and we all complimented him on how fun it was to have him join us.  I am REALLY praying that he is getting it.  BUT we have learned to rejoice in the small things.

Ok enough on our struggles.

We had a crazy busy week!  We are homebodies.  We love being home, we love jsut hanging out.  Last week we had more people at our house than probably the entire year so far LOL!

My dear friend Jodi - whom I have met her older kids but not her.  She came AND brought her newest littles!  Oh how we have prayed for Howie who is now Hagan.

We enjoyed them all so much we hoped they would come back which they did!!  TWo big families, lots of kids and really they all did so well together!!

2 families, 5 littles, 8 adopted (+1)

She has the cutest pics EVER! of Fei and Hagan (he asked to come back and jsut get a pic of him and her - isn't that so sweet.)  Although I am wondering if he was shocked to see another little brown person!

Check out her post here! 

Then we had 3 friends come up to the house - 2 live here and 1 is a FB friend who followed our journey to Cav and Fei and then adopted their beautiful girl Daisy!

Truly an amazing week, adoption brings families together and makes them instant friends!

Rest

We have had this mini vacation planned since December.

And oh was it so needed, but oh was it so hard to get out the door.

Our normally fairly easy going children have been fighting - we are experiencing some pretty good spiritual warfare right now, and I have no idea why - maybe because this adoption was to easy, we have been waiting ofr the other shoe to drop and are finally realizing that our sweet little man is jsut that sweet.

Oh he can get his way, and is smart enough to realize with 7 others in the family he can usually con someone into getting him what he wants.

BUT how his fat little hands as they clasp my cheeks for a big smacker - oh that is pure heaven.

Anyhow, after a major fight with our oldest kids we packed up the car - oh wait that would be both cars (but that's another post LOL!)

I took the kids and hubby followed a couple hours later.

We haven't been to this particular spot for years and years, but we had heard they built cabis, and I had found a deal!

Can I jsut say pure heaven - we jsut can't do one hotel room any longer.  Eventhought I tell myself that half our kids are short, it jsut doesn't work, no many wiggles, noises and momma gets no sleep.

So the cabin had a loft with two queen beds and a large chair with ottoman.  THen downstairs was our own room with a comfy bed (so much PTSD after sleeping on so many horrible beds in China we now appreciate a good bed LOL!)

THe only thing we longed for was another bathroom.

Now mind you it's 20 degrees out so you can imagine the looks I got when I said put on your swimsuit I have a surprise.

Daddy wasn't there yet, so I braved the natural hot springs pool by myself with floaties and two majorly helpful big kids.

Tao hates water, he screamed as Morgan handed him to me, AND then he calmed, still clutching to my side.  He splashed and then laughed and we all cheered!!

Sunday we took the big kids snowboarding, - between the free pass with the room and Morgan's 5th grade pass (free skiing all winter) they were all completely FREE!!  Plus we still have an adult ticket to use later in the year!  Tristan & Morgan took in more runs than they could count.

Brahm practiced his snowboarding - and loved their covered magic carpet.  The lift operators all fell in love with him, and called him bull (bullwinkle) by the end of the day.

THe best part was we put the littles to sleep and slipped out to walk across the way for dinner alone - my hubby and I - two nights in a row!!

The second night Cav started having issues which lasted the rest of the trip.  We chose not to fight with him, and allowed him to pout by himself as we enjoyed our time relaxing as a family.

THe hot springs water comes out to my right and then the snow run off stream os to my left, you build dams to allow enough cold water in so that you and the kids can stand it, while still staying warm!!

We feel relaxed and a family once again!!

You can see Cav, we asked numerous times if he wanted to join us - (he did swim twice)
I jsut pray some day he will feel the natural urge to be part of our family.

So blessed!

How we are doing.

WOW, you know when you read people's blogs about their perfect little adoptions and then don't ever read their blog again cuz they are living in fairytale land (especially when all he$$ is breaking loose at your house).  Skip the part on Griffen and go to the middle of the post cuz I would hate lose my bloggy friends!

You know some kids are jsut easy.  Griffen is one of them.  We have our adoption issues ~ mainly he likes jsut about anyone else over me which breaks my heart but then I get an evil laugh in my head and think Buddy another week and your stuck with me LOL!

It's not even that bad,
you know he cries when I pick him up & he is sitting with JieJie,
cries when I discipline one of the other minions,
screams bloody murder when he has to take a shower,
or bath.

He was crying when I walked in the door so now he comes with me LOL!

He also smiles and laughs when I feed him,
falls asleep on my shoulder,
hugs our friends but if I put my coat on he is ready to come with me.

I guess it's a perspective thing.  As long as I take my hurt feelings out of the equation, he has adapted nicely.

He is NOT banging his head on the wall,
scratching and clawing the siblings
wiping gross unmentionables everywhere
like some child who will remain nameless, did.

Griffen LOVES his brothers and sisters,
he plays with them all.

He is happy, happy, happy (except at bath time).

He didn't stress over Christmas,
loved his presents,
played with his toys,
loved the food.

Dude, the child is a dream

AND I thank GOD every day (not saying God wasn't their with Cav) but to be honest I spent more time praying over Griffen.  I jsut couldn't have done another Cav.

And I sure couldn't have done a hard child right now.
Daddy sells guns, to say daddy hasn't been around much would be an understatement.  We have not seen him except for Christmas day.  In addition, he takes one of our two big kids to help him at the shop.  Even with 20 employees it has been nuts.  I had my meltdown, Christmas is about family and well we had momma and the kids with no daddy around.  My vision of our ideal little Christmas was being shattered while I tried to hurry up and make a real Christmas for the kids, get last minute supplies and deal with the adopted child's holiday meltdowns which it is nice to read is normal.

All this while trying to find a new normal.

People don't really understand this part.  When you have a new baby you get a lot of grace.  When you adopt - well, you asked for this.  Um, hello nope answered God's call, not really my idea LOL!  

Folks, I can't for the life of me figure out how many plates to pull out at meal time.
3 times a day for almost a month and I still can't figure it out.
Laundry is a joke,
clothes - people my dang pictures are so messed up from Christmas because the dang kids didn't change their clothes for 2 or 3 days and I didn't even notice.
I can't find the envelopes for my gorgeous Christmas cards,
I still have to collect poop and pee from our angel.
We have been home a month and realized that although he wears 6-12 month clothes he has been dry for days and onsies do NOT work.
And my list of utter failures go on, and on, and on.


SO, I have come to conclusion that adoption is plain hard.  No matter how perfect the picture, there are challenges.  The best solution is a glass of wine and grace for yourself.  And if you haven't read this post (not the videos although they are cute)  you MUST!

When I change my haven's into accolades you know what ESHET CHAYIL!! 
I traveled across the world for a baby I never met,
My kids love a complete stranger with all their hearts 
I actually made 3 meals on the same day!
I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher on that same day!
I love my husband so much that I miss him when he is gone . . . .ESHET CHAYIL!!

So, as we enter the new year I am hoping to have a new perspective on my life and the incredible women around me (not vicinity), to encourage and lift up for what we have done!

4 months - family

Wow, really just four months since these kiddos entered our lives? 

 Four months since we were in China . . . or four years.  

I can't believe the progress ~ plain and simple we have become a family.

I am most astonished at Cav.  EVERYTHING has changed with him from his appearance to his demeanor.  He is a joy to be around, he cracks jokes in his three year old way, he has most importantly decided to become part of our family.

Little man has finally started finding his role as big brother.  He and Cav play together.  He finds that satisfaction in teaching his brother new things, in sharing SOME of his toys and most importantly he gave Cav a hug good night last night.  This was HUGE.  Remember Cav outweighs him by atleast 10 lbs now, and even on his shortened legs, Cav is almost as big as his brother who is 2 years older than him.  Cav literally spent the first month beating up his big brother.  That hug made me jsut cry - brothers forgiven, brothers formed.

FeiFei has come out of the honeymoon phase.  Now let me begin by saying even on her worst day she is still happier than most kids on their happy days.  We jsut became so used to her incredibly bubbly personality that we made one HUGE mistake.  We gave her everything we could.  Extra helpings, toys whenever we were out everything - because she was so dang charming.  She was very evidently the "favorite" child for a time being.  (I don't disclose this for any other reason than to help those who follow us.)

As Cav has gotten better the gap has closed between them and she is now struggling with her place be threatened.  She is no longer the "golden" child and he the terror.  They are becoming more equal and we are seeing her having some difficulty with this.  In addition, her most beloved teacher left during spring break.  I think the permenance of this loss is finally affecting her.  She is taking her different books out more - but mostly the one her teacher gave to her before she left.

I hate to say it, but I really didn't even correlate her mild change in attitude and her teacher leaving until today.  It's been almsot 3 weeks and I thought the reaction would have been immediate.  Duh, sometimes I jsut wasnt to kick myself.  Ok myself and the world.  i bawled for FeiFei when I found out her teacher was leaving.  REALLY PEOPLE!!  But what was I to do, withdraw from her school which she begs to go to everyday.  Such a horrible situation, for a sweet child who has already lost so much in her life.

Luckily, the Empowered to connect conference is tomorrow in Denver.  I can (at the last minute) go.  Hopefully they are still selling tickets at the door.  And my dear hubby is taking the day off work and staying home with all the kids - oh yeah it's a teacher work day ugh so they are ALL home!

Four Months ~ as a Family!

One Month

Wow can you believe it we have had custody of our sweeties for a month already.  I feel like I have lived a years worth in that month.  Funny, during the paperwork process I felt like the days couldn't come fast enough and now I wonder where the days have gone.

Here are their pics from the first few days

I can honestly say that although we have been through the ringer, this has been the single most important month of my life.

I have seen my older children grow and our princess find herself.  The kids scream like crazy when she gets home - they call her LaLa jsut like little man did when he was a baby.

Little man is still having a little bit of a hard time but he is learning what it means to be a big brother.  He loves introducing the kids to his friends.  Even this morning he helped Cav find cloths to put on (apparently the ones I laid out were not good enough!)

FeiFei, well you know she is just part of the family, she has started giving me kisses and her language is really impressive.  Going through Costco repeating products helps!  Cereal say c-e-r-e-a-l.  She loves her fashion, pink, and toy guns!

Cav - he we have seen the most improvement.  He even kissed my hand this morning - let me repeat that a KISS to my hand!  Of course he will kiss Lala's cheek but I will take what I can get.  It shows me he is understanding what a family is, that we love him, and that we care about each other.  Just like Stitch we repeat over and over to him -

We are a family,

We don't hit,

we share,

we care about each other.

My husbands jsut laughs when he hears it but I truly believe that he jsut has no basis.  He is also smiling much more.  I started using my fingers to show happy and when he starts to freak a little I do that and it seems to bring him back.

Funny thing, I really, really have needed to get the car washed but I figured he would freak out.  FInally, I had had enough and decided with little man in the car to help make it sound fun we would try the carwash.  Do you know he started freaking out WHEN WE LEFT!!  I swear.

But truly, my attitude changed thanks to the book The Connected Child and he has slowly started to come around.   We are thrilled that he no longer goes hungry, that we can provide stimulation as well as the medical he will need.  But most importantly, this little boy needed a - well a Family.

I have also learned that he really needs routine.  So now I make sure we are home by two for his nap - period!

This is huge I never was a regulated mom.  Even when my kids were babies.  I always had to lie at the pediatrician about how often they ate.  Really, they cry I feed them, I don't count!

Sorry, I digress!

So yes, a month and we are slowly all becoming a family.  I often think that if we had only brought FeiFEi home it could have been easier.  We would almost already be a family.  But then I look at this little boy who works so incredibly hard to keep up with his brothers and sisters, and I am so glad we followed God's path and decided to bring him home

for he is our Hudson

 (watch the video).

And we have come full circle from this post

Back together and lessons learned from Stampin Up!

Heehee couldn't help the blog post title, but bear with me and I hope I can express my thoughts.

First of all it is so wonderful to be back together as a family!  It has been over 2 weeks and everyone has gone in different directions.

I have missed my boys fighting ;0)  Ok little man trying to beat the crude out of his BIG brother. 

I have missed the noise, the squabbles and the talking.  Did I jsut type that for real?

Seriously, our home is jsut that HOME, it is comfortable, it is what we have both created and been provided.  I feel blessed that by being good stewards of God's money we live in such a peaceful place.

If you follow along, then you will remember the big kids went to away camp the week of the fourth - it was a sale so they both went.  I explicitly made arrangements for this past week as I was going . . . gasp . . . out of town!  Long story short, I went to the Stampin Up Convention in Salt Lake City.  It was four days away from home and an airplane flight!

Now I know a lot of parents that vacation, or travel for business, but I am not one of them.  I hold the fort down at home.  This WAS A TRUE LUXURY, which I considered cancelling many times.  My sweet husband on the other hand insisted I go. 

So our big boy was signed up for all day basketball camp, our princess went to another away camp (both church so still pretty inexpensive) with her friends, and little man - he had daddy time.

I went to my first Stampin Up Convention with friends who have been for many years - so they knew the ropes.  Stampin Up is my one vice in life . . besides chocolate but that's really a need!  I love their products, and being a demonstrator has afforded me the ability to work from home.  In addition, having a blog allows me to reach out to many people near and far.  They can shop directly through my blog AND get a discount.  But I regress that's NOT what this post is about.

It is about the experiences and 'ME' time that I so often forget.  It was so interesting to be able to connect with others who have adopted or are adopting.  It felt good to answer - 5 kids when people asked how many children we had.  It was fabulous to sit down with complete strangers and be able to share God's plan and especially Cavanaugh's story. 

I'll post in the next few days about a few other major impacts this trip had, but for now I'll leave it that my sweet husband has a new understanding for my job!  He now referrs to spending days with little man like having your head in a blender! 

But most importantly, we are all home together, everyone has a renewed sense of the importance all members play in our family.  And perhaps most importantly, we feel refreshed for the arrival of our final members.  Our heart still aches to have them here but we know that soon they will be home.