Being brave in the brokenness

The number one comment both good and bad was HOW we could have adopted again after bringing Cav home and having so many issues.

Whether you agree or not is fine -
You have to do what is right for your family,
and we did what was right for our family.

Was it crazy - YEP!
Would I suggest it - probably not.

BUT we are very strong in our faith, and we knew for a fact that God called us to adopt Tao.
It scared me to death.
I begged God the entire process,
"Dear Lord I can NOT do another adoption like we just did."

And you know what . . . God knew exactly what I needed at that time.

See, I have learned that adding Tao was not another mouth to feed,
or another poor orphan to deal with,
or that we adopted him with an agenda.

We did not - in fact we knew it was crazy,
Tao's file was a disaster,
For those that have forgotten this beautiful baby we committed to adopting was listed at 6 months old,
we found him at the mid bottom of the shared list,
A YEAR LATER.
He was unwanted, his 5+ diagnoses scary at best.
We had no other agenda for him, except to get him the medical care we thought he needed.

And 2 years later I have learned several things,
God wasn't wrong -
Our family needed Tao, to bring the sunshine into our rainy days.
Even on our worst days, it's his fat little hands patting me and giving me a hug that I remember.

He proved to us how right adoption can be.
He became a barometer for Cav,
an emulator of sorts.

Tao's sweet spirit healed all of us.
I can honestly say without Tao,
we would never have been brave enough to pursue Dawson.

So yes, to the rest of the world adopting Tao was crazy,
many tell us we should never have adopted again until we got Cav settled and figured out
(If I lived by that belief I would have had ONE child BTW.)
Someone always has an issue, a friend issue, a school issue, a crappy start in life issue, a medical issue.

The truth is the world will NEVER be perfect to adopt.
Our messy lives will NEVER be perfect enough.
We won't EVER have enough money,
enough room,
enough,
enough,

But that simple act of saying YES,
somehow fills all those enoughs,
or disposes of them.

I often think of Moses, did you know he wasn't eloquent or quick of speech.  He must have thought God was crazy not to pick someone better to do his work.  But you know Moses did amazing things, and God provided for him to do His work.

(Cav is still doing great on his meds, the MTHFR results were shocking to say the least but we have started him on a medication that is already processed Folic Acid - we will see if this makes any other difference.)

Flights - lax, china post Beijing

We are a few days behind but wanted to still post this information for future references.

We flew from colorado to lax - last time it seemed like not such a big deal - we must have landed right next to the international terminal and our Cathay flight was in the first building you got to. For lax it has to be the worst laid out plan I have ever seen. You leave the terminal you fly into - go outside and walk the corridor until you find the heading for your airline.

Most of the china flights are in the very first terminal ( which is still a good 1/3-1/2 mile from where we landed).   I was dumb and had Brahms backpack. I also had my camera bag and large purse. I decided we should carry 2 days worth of clothes after hearing several people with delayed bags. We were dying before we even got out of the first terminal. Luckily we found a luggage cart left curbside and I loaded up the bags and Brahm. I am also glad we had a 4 hour layover. It took about 1 1/2 hours to get to our 2 gate and I walk fast once we had our cart.

We went in the first international terminal ( we landed at the 9 on a clock and say the first is at the 12). Went inside found out it housed all flights for china except air china. I was so thrilled I had chosen the elevator and kept my cart. We went up to the 4 the floor and out onto the street again. We had to go building 2 they said. The building were in reverse order and I wanted to cry when I next saw building 3 ugh.

By the time we spotted building 2 we were at the 6 on the clock face or basically we had walked just about the perimeter of lax. Although we had boarding passes we found out we had to re checkin.

Supposedly there is a shuttle but no one could tell me where to get it or what it looked like.

So far we have flown united, Cathay and air china and we have not seen a huge difference that would make me say yes pay more for this airline.

Air china has TV in the seat but we couldn't find the vides game remote. The seats laid back like on us planes versus cathays that lower portion moves forward. They also have these little metal footrest that fold out and with a backpack under were perfect!  Food was fine and similar to cathays flight last year.

Beijing -
I'm not sure if I mentioned but we brought 2 dish pack size boxes of donations for starfish foster homes. I checked before leaving and knew that Beijing airport has a china post inside. What I didn't think of was - oh yeah they don't call it china post. So here I am with 2 carts ( they are free which is nice). Brahm can push one but not see over. We walk the stinking airport with no success. I finally am told first floor - but there are 2. The bottom 1st floors has taxis and I think screw it I will have the marriott concierge help me. Except I find out it will be 600 yuan and knew marriott already said not to pay over 100.  Back inside we go for one last try. Finally find a younger girl who points us in the right direction. 

We head down where it looks like everything is closed and I know it has to be after 6. I start praying they are open. And they are!!  People they were so nice. Wrote out the forms for me,  they do open the boxes to check contents. Then reaped them. I sent slowboat and both boxes were only $45 combined. Best part I had no yuan and they were able to take my dollars!  Here is the pic to show if you want to find china post. It is on 1 f not B and past where you see the opening downstairs for taxi. 

Got to the hotel finally for 98 yuan - I still only had dollars and the bell hop ran in and exchanged my dollars for me. Guess I should have taken care of that before leaving home lol

No excuses

I keep facing the same responses about adoption and it has weighed heavily on me for weeks and even months.

I can't adopt because . . .

People let me give you a little bit of reality -

Do you see this ~

That's right I - the mom who has adopted FOUR children (almost) did not grow my own potato's, scrub them, boil them, and then mash them.

This is NOT organic.

Along with it I made a meatloaf from my favorite cookbook 

- the college students survival guide.  

You think I am lying don't you or just spewed pop all over your computer 

- I AM NOT!!

I have had to double the recipe - and then because I didn't start until late I realized the centers weren't completely cooked through and so I served the ends to my starving kids and continued heating the rest.

The worst part - we haven't even started school yet - I don't have an excuse.

I will admit it - I shouldn't have a hamster some days never mind all these kids.  I read blog after blog of mom's grinding their own flour, baking their own bread (and encase your confused I buy Sara Lee whole grain WHITE bread).

The point is you don't have to be perfect to adopt.  

You don't have to be the best homemaker, 

the best cook, 

super crafty, 

supermom

or wealthy.

ALL you have to be is OPEN.

Because I guarantee that those waiting kids do not CARE!

they don't have warm enough clothes, 

enough food to eat,

a name,

or the love of a family.

Your failings are still 100 times better than the best person currently in their lives.

if you are hearing the call - PLEASE stop with the excuses.

His Story (part 2) - finding a son.

Part 1 is here

So we found the giant ladybug in our towels after we evacuated due to the Black Forest fires this past summer.

We were out of our house for 4 1/2 days and during that time I had little computer access.

When we arrived back at our home it was in shambles - you could physically see the panic and stress we had encountered trying to evacuate all of our kids and some assemblance of important belongings.

This was now the middle of June and Darwin was weighing heavily on my heart.  I decided to call Madison and see if there was any news etc.  As I searched my email for their number I saw an email I had missed on the the 6th of June.  It was an email from Madison Adoption Associates not only checking in with us but also telling us that the orphanage was willing to waive the orphanage fee on top of his large agency grant.

I know that God's timing is perfect and I marveled at the lost email.  After the devastation of the previous week our last barrier - really our last humanly excuse as to why not to follow God's request was gone.

I made one very important phone call and then I called my husband at work to tell him.  

Heehee I was also done being patient so in the same breath I told him the social worker would be over on Thursday.  Even now I laugh and am astonished at my boldness and in retrospect know it was God's hand.  I remember holding my breath as the line went silent - full well knowing I could cancel the appointment, but praying with all my being that he would be available both in schedule and heart.

And you know what he WAS!!

We received PA on 7/15 and we were DTC this past week. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish I could say that this was the end of our story but it wasn't.  AS the long summer months drug on I started to doubt.  I think that is why God wanted me to be patient - so that it all was HIM!  So I wouldn't have the what if's start to creep into my mind - I mean really who has 7 kids, how were we ever going to put all of these kids through college, and his age 10 years old and only in the 2nd grade God HOW can I do this.

I worried and fretted on my own.  Was this a rescue, was this my humanness and my personal heart trying to fix the world or was this truly God's will.  As friends continued to encourage me I had a nagging doubt and a fear that almost troubled my soul.  I didn't see the things in this boy others did.  

I did NOT feel bonded or any emotion towards his picture at all and that worried me fiercely. 

I desperate prayed for the same feelings I had for Tao's picture as well as Cav and Fei's.  I wanted to go to China and already feel bonded to him, in love with him with the desire of a momma's heart.  

Was I making the BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life?

Oh the worry I carried for the summer months.  The prayers that God would comfort my heart, to find something in his file that meant something to me, to rest my worrying heart.

I couldn't even imagine backing out on this kid, so we just put one foot in front of the other and the process moved quickly (which did confirm a little this is what God wanted us to do.)  Mid August, the nagging in my head (lets call it for what it is Satan) got to be to much.

I pulled up every single email I could find about Darwin.  I reviewed each one until I got to the one from March that had his Chinese and English files.  Darwin was a little unique as this kid has been on the shared list since 2008!  Hidden in the 45 page Chinese file was his complete 2008 file and on page 27 and 28 God calmed my heart.

Instead of the heavy kid with bad teeth I had seen in his English file

 I found my son.

Hidden in that file I found a boy (6 or 7) with such a shocking to resemblance to Tao (3) that I knew he was ours.

You see even the Chinese questioned Tao's nationality.  I finally had to us amy phone to translate that he was a Chinese orphan we were adopting as no one could figure out why we were there.  Darwin and Tao are just one province away from each other on the southern border.   I am sure the chances they are related are astronomical but what if.

So we race to our finish line, still afraid of the education piece but knowing fully and completely that God not only has this, but our new son is completely His will.

His Story ~ the Ladybug (part 1)

SO last post at the end I announced our newest son - this is the back story.

We came home with Tao on Dec 1, 2012.  You know the child who's middle name is Taomega which is a combination of Tao (his Chinese name) and Omega which my husband insisted on. As in ~

Revelations 21:6
He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. 

This was my husbands declaration that we were done.  Of course he also wanted to name the baby Goliath (he is a dwarf - I don't care who you are you absolutely can NOT name a child with dwarfism Goliath LOL!)

SO I came home with my sweet baby thinking we were done.

AS I advocated for the children with dwarfism and excitedly tracked down families due to travel within the next 6 months.

One in particular was Darwin - a 10 year old boy who had been part of a visit Madison Adoption did the year before.  He was darling and we so looked forward to watching him come home (although we did not know his family that had committed to him).

Then in February, 2013 I found out that he just might NOT have a family any longer.  I called, emailed and tried to get to the bottom of this news.  The more I found out the more my heart broke.

I think it was that hope taken away that broke my heart the most.  Not only are we talking about a 10 year old boy who lived with his birth family until he was 2 years old.  But now, all these years later he was once again promised a family.  I do not know all the specifics but I do know they sent him pictures of the family who would come get him before the year was out.

Even typing the words and imagining the scenario brings me to tears.  Which is better - to never had hope, or for it to be taken away.

I desperately tried to find him a family, quickly so just maybe he wouldn't notice that the white people in the photos looked different than the ones on Gotcha.  But I also knew that there were (3) 10 year old boys with dwarfism on the shared list and another 5 within a couple years.  I also heard that 9-12 year old were the least age range to be adopted.  People either adopt younger or race to get those aging out. Lastly, he had the kiss of death - having a committed family return his file.  No matter the reason I think it is human to fear that something was found wrong with him.

So I prayed and slowly our journey began.

Our biggest obstacle was he was born in 2002.  Although Morgan is not our oldest she acts like our oldest and we have been told numerous times displacing her could be disastrous.  Since we were still reeling from Cav - the last thing we wanted was more upheaval in our family.  So we saw the 2002 and said NO - wish he was younger but that is NOT gonna work for us (yeah right).

Still he sat, still we advocated.  I printed his picture out with 2 others - basically thinking these are the most hopeless cases.  Hmmm maybe if I got his file maybe I could advocate better.

That was when I noticed his birth date - YES he was born 2002 but not until DECEMBER.  That was for all intense and purposes almost a year younger than our Valentine girl.

This was our first glimpse that maybe God wanted us to bring him to OUR home GASP heehee.  This was the end of March.  All the denial that this could be God's plan.  I mean really our baby was named OMEGA for a reason right.

And that Omega kept gnawing at me.

And then it dawned on me.  It says the beginning and the END not the LAST . . . the END!  My husband says it's semantics but I don't agree.  There is a big difference between LAST and END!  And the lightbulb went off - Tao may very well always be our youngest,  our caboose, but possibly not our last adoption.

That daddy though was sure Omega meant last we were done ~ no more stinking kids.  All the while Tao worked his magic on his daddy.  I - the ever so loving wife kept reminding my husband how much he didn't want Tao's adoption either (I know not the nicest LOL.)

I spent most of April in deep prayer.  I searched everywhere for answers and NOTHING!  The only thing I got was to be patient AND silent.  NEITHER are attributes I possess.  I have to say it was the hardest thing I ever did to not hound my husband about making this decision.  The only saving grace was I thought my answer would come after my husband went to the men's retreat the beginning of May.

My heart literally felt like it broke into a thousand pieces when he returned from the retreat and still nothing.  I had Darwin's picture up in our house by the entry.  I had my kids praying he would find a family every day.  The silence was deafening, and my faith it remained strong.  In a way I did pray that he find a different family - because truthfully it would be easier.

Mid May our social worker came for Tao's 6 month post placement.  The last straw was when she asked him if we should do an updated home study and he said NO!!  I literally held it together as best as I could and cried as soon as he left for work.

But I also knew that this time I could NOT hound, beg or plead.  We are talking about adding a 10 year old boy with minimal education to our home.  This had to be ALL GOD or not.

Beginning of June, Madison checked in with me to see if hubby had made any decision, and to share some new pictures and video.  It was kind of a shock out of the blue.  This time I shared them with my husband.

I shared but didn't ask.  I showed him the boy with clothes as old as he.  I showed him how his shoes were 2 sizes to big.  I shared my fears, and I shared that I felt he was ours.

Just over a week later our neighborhood began to burn.  Although it was the second time in a year that we were evacuated for a fire - the process never changes.  You stand in your house (if it is like ours it is full of CRAP . . . period.  You go from room to room searching for the most important items that are worth filling your van and somewhere after the first floor you wonder what you have done with your life.  You look around and know with your very core most of it could burn up and your life would be inconvenienced but not destroyed.  I know everyone reacts differently to crisis but this was MY reaction.

So we packed up our possessions, and most importantly our kids and left our home.  A new friend was gracious enough to find us rooms at a youth hostel.  Knowing this we grabbed our bucket of towels and headed over with all of our worldly possessions.

No sooner had we arrived and were getting acquainted with the others while swinging on the front porch, my daughter opened up the first towel and found this surprise.

I know it doesn't look like it but it was the largest ladybug I had ever seen.  

I looked at my husband and said "You know what that means?"  

Heehee "Yep, the ladybug didn't want to burn up either."  he said

But I knew the look in his eyes and we both knew what God had planned for us.  We weren't obedient originally and God did come after us with a 2x4 but luckily we saw his calling before we missed out.

A plea and an answer

AS we wrap up the month of October and this years Dwarfism Awareness I hope I have dispelled some of the fears related to having a child with dwarfism and replaced them with our personal love for these amazingly happy little people who meet life with gusto.

I am excited to see young ones with dwarfism being quickly chosen and finding families within weeks of being made available for adoption.

Unfortunately, we are seeing a plethora of older kids with dwarfism jsut sitting on the list for years and years.  I personally am feeling a panic as they inch closer and closer to their 14th birthday and they are sent out on the streets, uneducated, no resources, many without even an appropriate name to pursue employment.  How can they possibly fill out an employment form with a name that means "I entered ____ orphanage on the year of 2008."

Because many in China think these kids with dwarfism are also mentally delayed (they are not infact the contrary is usually true), they are only educated in the orphanages, only obtaining true schooling once an agency assures them that a family will come.

Not only are these kids handed their walking papers on their 14th birthday, but it is estimated that many will either die that first year on the streets, or sold into the sex trade . . . yeah, shocking and heartbreaking all at once.

When I look at my Fei and Tao I jsut can't even imagine.  Our oldest turned 14 on the day we signed for Tao in China, and I looked at him in shock.  This child of mine who has had all the privilege of family, of money, of schooling - I still couldn't imagine him alone on the streets.

So I am coming to you to search your hearts.
To look into the eyes of these kids,
Imagine them as a son, a child

All of there information can be found HERE

Believe me it is scary to even contemplate adopting an older child.
It is easy to come up with 1000 excuses why it won't work for your family.
A thousand fears for the future.

But let me assure you I am not talking about rescuing these children in the sense of being a savior - there is only one of those.

I am not talking about putting your family in jeopardy for a last minute run to keep an unwanted child from aging out of the system.

I am talking about if God has laid one of these children on your heart, if He has laid adopting an older boy on your heart ~ DO IT!!

How do I know?

Because we have struggled with this,
spending countless hours worrying, wondering and questioning.

But the story of Queen Esther has played out so many times in our life over the past few months I can not even tell you.  Realizing that we are asked to be God's hands and feet on earth.  And you know that we can say NO!! (I know gasp who would ever say NO! to one of God's requests.)  The kicker is ~ we will also lose out on some of His greatest Blessings.

¹³ Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. ¹⁴ For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
                                                                                                                  Esther 4:13-14

Ann Voscamp's post on Why You Are Where You Are: For Such a Time as Now was life changing for our families understanding of this ( well more than that which I will get into later.)

I often look at our Tao - just the miracle of him being in our family.  The blessing he is to not only our family but our community.  I now know that Tao had to come to us, to renew our belief in the adoption process and renew our souls.

So that when God presented us with a little boy who has sat on the list forever (his original file was completed in 2008!)

Who is just a few years from his 14th birthday and the unimaginable repercussions of that date.

Who has had minimal schooling,

Who has suffered unimaginable loss in his life and still he smiles,

Who we will soon call son.

Dwarfism Awareness - kids 3

I absolutely LOVE this little guy 

He is 10 years old 

He has normal curved legs caused by dwarfism - which may or may not have to be corrected.

BUT he needs a family more.

Best part he is in Guandong province meaning he would be the perfect second child 

(no additional time!)

This 10 year old handsome boy is from China, and has achondroplasia. He is described as being obedient, active, optimistic and cooperative. He has friends that he goes to school with, and likes to learn.

I believe this is a picture of him I found online but can NOT guarantee it is him.

Dwarfism Awareness - kids 2

Zach is born 6/4/02 - he was 1 when he was found.  He cares for himself, speaks clearly and in complete sentences.  He has been part of the Half the Sky program since 2005 (file completed in 2007)

I am shocked that this little guy is still available - he is amazing, southern province and so needs to come home!!

Dwarfism Awareness - kids 1

Oh how I love this little guy!

He is 8 years old, has only been in foster/orphanage care for 3 years.

He might need the neck surgery that FeiFei had but he also jsut might a perfect little like our Tao.

Please email me if you are interested in him!!

Tightrope walking through adoption

Before I forget I have to tell you all that Cav seems to be a new boy - in Colorado Kindergarten is 1/2 day but you have the option of paying for full day.  We were thrilled he received a full day placement.  

If you have followed our journey you know it has been hard, beyond hard.  One day I was watching Nick Wallenda walk across the tightrope.  He explained how he slid his special made leather shoes  - slid along, feeling his way along the tightrope toes down and heels up.  It was the slow sliding, feeling the rope for direction as he went that struck me.  It is exactly what we have been doing.  Afraid to step to big, to fast but instead that slow almost visceral slide you do when you get up in the middle of the night and know there are lego pieces on the ground.

We tried following the books, finding new resources, meeting new diagnoses head on, but truly for the last almost 2 years we have felt like we were sliding along, our faith as the balancing bar, trying to find our way.

WIthin the last few weeks we have all of a sudden felt like we are at the end of that tightrope and it is exhilarating.

Our decision to put Cav in full day kindergarten (1/2 day is free) in the spring as a last ditch effort just might be the smartest decision since we got home with him.

Our thinking was simple - my worst attribute and biggest issue between him and I (or with our family per say) is that we like to fly by the seat of our pants.

My bio's learned to nap in the car.
Friends who were restricted home from 1-3 everyday made me crazy.
I am not criticizing those who live by a schedule but I just can't seem to get it down.
On our off or summer days - breakfast is at 8 or 10, lunch 12 or even 2, we get dressed when clothes are laid out, and some days we don't get dressed at all.

For a kid who grew up in Cav's circumstances it jsut sets him off.
Let me tell you I have tried -
I have beaten myself up for reverting back to no schedule - and the last thing when you are in the trenches is one more thing to make you feel like a failure 

The other thing we realized is that he still has no idea what to do when he has down time.

We have an entire sunroom with jsut their toys.

In many ways Tao is much further along in his development than Cav.

When there is free time Cav gets into things, destroys things or hurts others.

We have tried to keep him in his own safe area but then more feelings of failure.  He missed out on so much, we want him to play with the others and truly his siblings are the best playmates he has ever had.

They do get tired of his antics, but since there are 3 of them - someone usually has forgotten his meanness and is ready to interact.

Anyhow, Hubby and I started talking about daycare from the time Cav got home.  I just couldn't do it.  Hindsight (and this is why I am writing this) I wonder if that is what we should have done.

BUT we prayed, and prayed and then begged to get him into a full day kindergarten program.

and you know what -

We are seeing a NEW boy!!

Ok the first 2 days were rough but versus Fei's loving year group, Cav's - well it fits him.  He is not the worst of the group and we feel so blessed.

Also we figured out that explaining to him that when the teacher has to talk to someone, she is actually signaling the class that the person is being a baby and not following the rules like a big kindergartener would.

To Cav NOTHING is worse than being a baby!!

I am realistic enough to figure we are in the honeymoon phase of school.  BUT I am also hearing from others with hard kids that school works for them.

Everything is scheduled and that schedule only changes mildly, from when he eats, to when they use the bathroom, and play with certain toys.

In addition, all of our special helpers are in place.  We have a resource teacher (folks, if you have a hard or SN kid this is the person you NEED to talk to!)  When and if Cav loses it they have a quiet room and he can rage all he wants without distracting the teacher, students or calling me.

We have an ESL teacher - we will see on this as he is actually considered Alingual - he heard mandarin around him but no one actually spoke to or required a response from him.

Also he has speech - I wish the district had done speech as he was learning English due to the alingual diagnosis but he didn't qualify.  So he has developed a side lisp - or he sounds like he is talking with a mouth full of slurpy LOL!

Maybe the most important part besides the schedule, is that we have time away from each other.  Instead of the feelings I have fought for the past almost 2 years, I have begun to see the image of the charming little boy who has concurred so much. (to be frank it is hard to see anything positive when you have found feces and marker on the carpet yet one more time.)

THis summer was so hard, and yet jsut like a colicky baby it all has seemed to disappear.  I haven't completely stepped off the tightrope yet, but I am feeling like we jsut might be to the end - can we truly see the end, I know not to speed up but to continue slow and steady.  Praying each step as I feel along.

Can you tell this has been as much of a growth time for me as for him.  It is hard to write these things, but I read over and over again of others in the trenches and my heart aches.  Adoption is hard, others jsut don't understand how terrible it can be, I mean hitting your knees with nothing left to give hard.

We were so in love with this pic of Cav

Some people get way "lucky" (is it luck or does God know how little we can handle at that moment - i.e. Tao's adoption)  but a lot get blindsided by the reality - they think they lack the ability to parent these kids.

They have spent months praying over a picture, working hard to get them home as soon as possible.

Everything is done as a rush, rush, rush and then you land back at home and all of a sudden you find yourself hovering over an abyss holding onto your faith and ever so slowly finding your way one delicate step at a time.

Updates

Ugh packing up all our crap and then moving back into the house is taking forever!

BUT we have been back home for over a week and feel blessed that we were not affected by the fires.

For the most part our kids did fabulous  - Cav lost his mind but it took a few days.  We kept looking at each other (Chris and I) waiting for Mt Masuvios to blow.  A word of warning, the longer it takes the worse it can be.

We kept going over and over about being a family and staying together BUT the change in routine, surroundings, daddy and my stress all mixed together for the daddy of all rages ~ in public of course.

Although people came close to us while we were trying to strap him into the stroller (after kicking Tao and Brahm with his legs OWWW) no one confronted us.  We normally jsut leave, but both our older kids had championship games in Lacrosse and frankly we are tired of changing our plans to accomodate one little boy who hates the world (not that he doesn't have a right to.)

I think that is the hardest, people see Cav's legs and are horrified if we discipline him, or tell him no and make him act like the rest of the kids.  BUT he IS part of a family now.  It is not fair to the rest of the kids if we bowed to him, and besides his destroyed soul Cav's SN has been basically fixed.  Versus say another one of our children who is degenerative.

Anyhow, we strapped him into the Bob stroller as he screamed his fool head off, and thanked God that Tristan games was the very far field so we could park Cav in the field jsut over the berm and walk away (we could still see him).  We kept repeating to his demands "Once you stop screaming".

Since Cav's only commodity is school - he did not get to go on Monday.  It's just summer school and their programs are all fun based (not catch up summer school of my days.)

When his teacher asked I explained school is our commodity and it is only for good boys.  How refreshing for me that she GOT IT!!  Of course it would be easier for me to drop him off, get rid of him for a few ours so to speak.  However, someone once told me that all children have a commodity it is my responsibility to find it.  For Cav, he couldn't care less what you feed him as long as he is full - and if he isn't he will sneak it.  Sitting in his room, he doesn't care, but oh school now that is what gets him.

ANyhow, this all happened Father's Day and the week after.  Hubby only has Sundays off, and for as long as we can remember Cav has melted down on Sundays.  It makes us all not want to spend time together - but I refuse to allow us to take the easy way out - even though it is waring.

BUT he did it - this SUNDAY he didn't scream, he didn't rage and we all complimented him on how fun it was to have him join us.  I am REALLY praying that he is getting it.  BUT we have learned to rejoice in the small things.

Ok enough on our struggles.

We had a crazy busy week!  We are homebodies.  We love being home, we love jsut hanging out.  Last week we had more people at our house than probably the entire year so far LOL!

My dear friend Jodi - whom I have met her older kids but not her.  She came AND brought her newest littles!  Oh how we have prayed for Howie who is now Hagan.

We enjoyed them all so much we hoped they would come back which they did!!  TWo big families, lots of kids and really they all did so well together!!

2 families, 5 littles, 8 adopted (+1)

She has the cutest pics EVER! of Fei and Hagan (he asked to come back and jsut get a pic of him and her - isn't that so sweet.)  Although I am wondering if he was shocked to see another little brown person!

Check out her post here! 

Then we had 3 friends come up to the house - 2 live here and 1 is a FB friend who followed our journey to Cav and Fei and then adopted their beautiful girl Daisy!

Truly an amazing week, adoption brings families together and makes them instant friends!

Sunday Snapshot - {For I know the plans..}

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

In the craziness of our week, month, and current life,

I totally missed it.

Until today ~

As our Pastor came and asked if Cav could walk up the aisle with him,

and the congregation gave our son a standing ovation (and God of course.)

I looked at the praise card and it hit me

There was the plan, and I almost missed it.

Our boy received his legs on the 12th!

Hello, the 12th. . . how could I have missed it.

Exactly,

9 months

TO

THE

DAY

He became our son 12/12, 

he received his legs 9/12!

Only God could have written this plan,

Only his timing!

And my little man, who cheers his brother 

eventhough it is hard to share the limelight!

And THIS is why!

I stand in amazement
Astonishment
AND
Glory!

The little boy who screamed was absolutely terrified at the plants, statues and anything with 4 legs.
JUST FOUR months ago ~
Did the most amazing thing ever today!!

I can NOT tell you how in awe I am of this child!
Of how far he has come!

The road has been HARD - truthfully it has been the hardest thing I have ever done.
Bringing home 2 at once gets a LOT of bad press.
We still have hard days.

BUT let me remind you of one very important little fact - Cav was our second child.  We could have been afraid and said we would return for him (heehee knowing our newest secret that wouldn't work well LOL!)  But that would mean he would STILL be sitting in his orphanage for a couple more months atleast.

INSTEAD, he came home when he was meant to.
We sucked it up and tried our best,
we are far from perfect parents (I dare to say the pendulum swings farther to the left then the right.)
BUT the love of a family makes such a difference ~ like NOTHING I have ever seen!

Brahm went first of course, then FeiFei had to try.  I thought we were doing pretty good that Cav was calm and not trying to crawl out of his skin, BUT I asked if he wanted to try.  He vigorously nodded YES!

We put him on the horse and he did great - UNTIl I stepped back to take a picture.  Even this trust that if I was their it would be OK is a huge step.

Next my friend allowed them to ride one of the horses - again they all were excited to try.

Four months BUT a lifetime of growth!

His infamous MAN-EATING Cat picture taken 12/24/2011

Here we grow again!

I have to come clean folks - we have been keeping a VERY BIG secret. 


I hate secrets, and not good at it.  
I realized today I was keeping this secret because I was afraid.  
Afraid of what others would say
think,
did I mention say?!?


Believe me when I say that it has become crucial that I ask all of those around us to pray for us. 


Let me start with the story.




We have been in a bit of shock.  Since January we have been riding a rollercoaster.  We thought that someday we might return to China . . . but not within a year.  AND most definately NOT for a baby!  This has been as close as we will ever come to experiencing an "OOPS" pregnancy.  Now that the shock has worn off, we are in the race of our lives.

We feel that THIS story needs to be shared.

This time around we received signs left and right.  The bombardment was impossible for even the most dense of us to miss!  Things like the most affordable new truck we found came with a 6th seat instead of the standard 2 bucket seats, . . . to the babies name being Tao - meaning "the way" (in a very similar way as Brahm's.)

BUT most importantly, this is a story of faith, of taking the most unexpected leap.  You see the "baby" was #953 on the shared list, and had been hidden for over a year.  Listed at a mere 6 months of age his "diagnosis" was scary.  His symptoms were listed including a heart condition, bone condition and extra thumbs.  One agency even refused to get an update because they determined that he was to severe for our family.

I sent his file to several of the dwarfism specialists and the answers frankly scared me.  Either he had the form of dwarfism like our FeiFei OR a type that 50% die within the first year.

Why us, why him, why now.

But he kept weighing on our hearts so we asked another agency for an update.  Week after week NOTHING!  We knew he was in an orphanage that almost NEVER gives updates, but we prayed.  We so felt that an update would give us direction, and help answer our ton of questions.  Finally, six weeks later and with the clock ticking, we made the decision to take the biggest leap of faith of our lives.  I am not talking about a gracefully little step forward, I am talking about an eyes closed, deep breath Indiana Jones leap of faith ONLY possible with God.

Not even knowing if this baby below was still alive, would ever walk, and hidden somewhere in another horrible orphanage.   He was our son, and if he was going to die, he would do so with someone knowing his name and praying for him.

Meet Long ZiTao - May 13, 2010 (his birthday 1 day after Cav's)

But what I love most is that God is in the details.

We asked for an update the end of Feb.  We signed our homestudy on March 24th.  We took our leap committing to our son on April 3rd.

And then He showered us with HIS grace.

We received an update on April 10th - the incredible part - it was dated March 31st!

We learned that he is obviously alive AND healthy, he is in foster care, and that he most likely has the type of dwarfism as our FeiFei.

And then we noticed his clothes.  Of course the kids noticed his French Fry pants & that he is walking!   We also received PA on 4/17/12 ~ which means he is pretty much our newest little darling!  So many prayers answered.

Now onto the race of our lives part.

Our homestudy agency will not be renewing their license in June.  We MUST have all of our paperwork to China before this time.  We have a bunch of steps - most importantly, our paperwork is being sent to Homeland security this week for our new I-800A approval.  (it should have been sent over a week and a half ago.)

Last year this process took 60 days.

We are oddly at peace but are asking for prayer.

We were not going to tell people, because frankly we are not in a place to handle criticism.  Believe me, we have spent months coming up with every excuse why this does not make sense, how it can negatively affect our family, how old we are - and eventually realized none of that matters.

Please if you have read this far, could you add our family to your daily prayers.  Pray that every person who touches his file does so with a sense of urgency and accuracy.  Pray that our paperwork is completed in a timely manner and that we can meet our June 1st deadline.  That baby Tao is covered in prayer until we bring him home.