We came home with Tao on Dec 1, 2012. You know the child who's middle name is Taomega which is a combination of Tao (his Chinese name) and Omega which my husband insisted on. As in ~
He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End.
This was my husbands declaration that we were done. Of course he also wanted to name the baby Goliath (he is a dwarf - I don't care who you are you absolutely can NOT name a child with dwarfism Goliath LOL!)
SO I came home with my sweet baby thinking we were done.
AS I advocated for the children with dwarfism and excitedly tracked down families due to travel within the next 6 months.
One in particular was Darwin - a 10 year old boy who had been part of a visit Madison Adoption did the year before. He was darling and we so looked forward to watching him come home (although we did not know his family that had committed to him).
Then in February, 2013 I found out that he just might NOT have a family any longer. I called, emailed and tried to get to the bottom of this news. The more I found out the more my heart broke.
I think it was that hope taken away that broke my heart the most. Not only are we talking about a 10 year old boy who lived with his birth family until he was 2 years old. But now, all these years later he was once again promised a family. I do not know all the specifics but I do know they sent him pictures of the family who would come get him before the year was out.
Even typing the words and imagining the scenario brings me to tears. Which is better - to never had hope, or for it to be taken away.
I desperately tried to find him a family, quickly so just maybe he wouldn't notice that the white people in the photos looked different than the ones on Gotcha. But I also knew that there were (3) 10 year old boys with dwarfism on the shared list and another 5 within a couple years. I also heard that 9-12 year old were the least age range to be adopted. People either adopt younger or race to get those aging out. Lastly, he had the kiss of death - having a committed family return his file. No matter the reason I think it is human to fear that something was found wrong with him.
So I prayed and slowly our journey began.
Our biggest obstacle was he was born in 2002. Although Morgan is not our oldest she acts like our oldest and we have been told numerous times displacing her could be disastrous. Since we were still reeling from Cav - the last thing we wanted was more upheaval in our family. So we saw the 2002 and said NO - wish he was younger but that is NOT gonna work for us (yeah right).
Still he sat, still we advocated. I printed his picture out with 2 others - basically thinking these are the most hopeless cases. Hmmm maybe if I got his file maybe I could advocate better.
That was when I noticed his birth date - YES he was born 2002 but not until DECEMBER. That was for all intense and purposes almost a year younger than our Valentine girl.
This was our first glimpse that maybe God wanted us to bring him to OUR home GASP heehee. This was the end of March. All the denial that this could be God's plan. I mean really our baby was named OMEGA for a reason right.
And that Omega kept gnawing at me.
And then it dawned on me. It says the beginning and the END not the LAST . . . the END! My husband says it's semantics but I don't agree. There is a big difference between LAST and END! And the lightbulb went off - Tao may very well always be our youngest, our caboose, but possibly not our last adoption.
That daddy though was sure Omega meant last we were done ~ no more stinking kids. All the while Tao worked his magic on his daddy. I - the ever so loving wife kept reminding my husband how much he didn't want Tao's adoption either (I know not the nicest LOL.)
I spent most of April in deep prayer. I searched everywhere for answers and NOTHING! The only thing I got was to be patient AND silent. NEITHER are attributes I possess. I have to say it was the hardest thing I ever did to not hound my husband about making this decision. The only saving grace was I thought my answer would come after my husband went to the men's retreat the beginning of May.
My heart literally felt like it broke into a thousand pieces when he returned from the retreat and still nothing. I had Darwin's picture up in our house by the entry. I had my kids praying he would find a family every day. The silence was deafening, and my faith it remained strong. In a way I did pray that he find a different family - because truthfully it would be easier.
Mid May our social worker came for Tao's 6 month post placement. The last straw was when she asked him if we should do an updated home study and he said NO!! I literally held it together as best as I could and cried as soon as he left for work.
But I also knew that this time I could NOT hound, beg or plead. We are talking about adding a 10 year old boy with minimal education to our home. This had to be ALL GOD or not.
Beginning of June, Madison checked in with me to see if hubby had made any decision, and to share some new pictures and video. It was kind of a shock out of the blue. This time I shared them with my husband.
I shared but didn't ask. I showed him the boy with clothes as old as he. I showed him how his shoes were 2 sizes to big. I shared my fears, and I shared that I felt he was ours.
Just over a week later our neighborhood began to burn. Although it was the second time in a year that we were evacuated for a fire - the process never changes. You stand in your house (if it is like ours it is full of CRAP . . . period. You go from room to room searching for the most important items that are worth filling your van and somewhere after the first floor you wonder what you have done with your life. You look around and know with your very core most of it could burn up and your life would be inconvenienced but not destroyed. I know everyone reacts differently to crisis but this was MY reaction.
So we packed up our possessions, and most importantly our kids and left our home. A new friend was gracious enough to find us rooms at a youth hostel. Knowing this we grabbed our bucket of towels and headed over with all of our worldly possessions.
No sooner had we arrived and were getting acquainted with the others while swinging on the front porch, my daughter opened up the first towel and found this surprise.
I know it doesn't look like it but it was the largest ladybug I had ever seen.
I looked at my husband and said "You know what that means?"
Heehee "Yep, the ladybug didn't want to burn up either." he said
But I knew the look in his eyes and we both knew what God had planned for us. We weren't obedient originally and God did come after us with a 2x4 but luckily we saw his calling before we missed out.