Monday, April 30, 2012


So many people ask

"How do you know this is your child"

this time around I asked "How do I know that it is God who wants us to bring home this baby."

I mean really, at the time we had jsut brough Cav and FeiFei home.  To say it bluntly, Cav was plain old hard.  He was terrified of everything at this time, beating constantly on Brahm, still portraying autistic type behaviors and we had no idea medically what our future would look like with him.

But the signs started coming, and once I took the first step to see if reusing our dossier was even a possibility I learned we would have a June deadline to be DTC.

Still, I fought God.  I made every single excuse why this was NOT something we needed to do.  However, we desperately wanted to die to self and follow Him.  Finally, with the tock clicking and frankly after making myself crazy with doubt - this incident occured.

Let me preface this with the fact that everytime I asked for a sign that reusing our dossier was the direction He wanted for us - He gave me a sign, but sometimes I was to blind to see them.

Finally, I prayed for a simple YES!  "God please jsut give me a YES if this is what you want us to do!"

Later that day I was driving in the car with Brahm and I asked him to please pray for direction if we were supposed to adopt the baby.

He bowed his little head and folded his little hands.

In the rearview mirror I got the mommy love feeling seeing my angel pray for his momma.

THen he looked up and simply said "YES!"

What do you mean Yes?  (did I mention I was dense LOL!)

"I don't know mom just Yes."  Ok little man

THis decision to double the number of children in our home, especially in less than a year, has not been the easiest.  But I finally understand what dieing to self really means.  I no longer have time to get my nails done, my hair is a mess, laundry is a disaster and we have never been happier.


  1. Goosebumps!! This is an awesome story to be able to share with Tao someday!

  2. What an incredibly wonderful, awesome story! Adoption is weighing heavily on my heart & has been since we came home with our son last year. Each month it gets more intense, but my husband just isn't quite in the same place as me yet. For him, the timing is off. But I will definitely be sharing this with him about questioning timing!! Thank you for putting this "out there!"

  3. Oh yes! I love it. I totally feel ya on the hair, laundry, nails, how bout using the bathroom ALONE? But, heading to Gods nudge is oh so much more important! Yes is awesome!