Tuesday, November 15, 2011

AFRAID!

Ok, I am jsut going to say it - there are parts of this process that scare me!

I have spent countless, and I mean countless hours worrying over the logistics

I will have 5 yes FIVE kids - we don't even particularly like most kids, and FIVE - what am I thinking!  I stress in public here, people DON'T LOOK DOWN!  I have a child with dwarfism, he IS SHORT!  What - and I mean WHAT am I going to do with 2 LITTLE spitfires.  I am having nightmares of them running in opposite directions, while trying to run after them with our youngest (who is bigger than the 2 littles) in my arms because - oh yeah- he can't walk!



I am afraid FeiFei won't like our princess who has prayed for a girl.  She won't want to do girl things, won't want to have her hair done - do you know how many bows we have bought!

I am afraid all the smoke will cause my lungs to become a total wreck

I am afraid little man will be in horrible pain due to the cold weather

Did I mention I am afraid I will lose someone

I am afraid our guide, rooms, flight etc will be a disaster

Heehee, my husband is afraid I will say something and end up in jail and HE will have 5 kids to himself

I am afraid I will miss an appointment, not have the right paperwork, or run out of money

I am afraid I am being a burden to others, that one of our hundred pets will die while we are away, it'll snow, the house will catch on fire . . .

I AM AFRAID my new kiddos will think that our family is the worst thing that has ever happened to them!

I AM AFRAID  .  .  .  they won't like us

There I have said it - for the whole world to see.

And then I hear once again the song Courageous by Casting Crowns.  I LOVE this song, I will probably listen to it for all 18 hours we fly.




I know this song is for husbands, but it gives me power.  I love the watchers on the sidelines part as our families slip away.  i don't care what anyone says that speaks volumes on adoption of SN kids to me.

And I realize I can do this with HIM!

Recently, there was a discussion on international adoption and non believers.  I know in my heart I would NOT be courageous enough to do this own my own!  I am so blessed that He is there either leading the way or carrying me.


4 comments:

  1. I feel for you completely with each and every one of these thoughts. I have heard this same song, as I too have had days where I am paralyzed with fear and what if's. But, God gives us these moments of courage to know that with Him we can make it through!

    *Praying* for your TA and His perfect timing for both of us. ~Angie

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  2. Everything will be great! Don't let the Enemy put negative ideas in your head. :) With God ALL things are possible!!!! :) Once you get your two new treasures, it'll all slide into place and be second nature. You can do this!! :)
    I can't wait to see you with your two new sweeties! :) I'll be praying that everything goes smoothly (and you don't go to jail ;))
    Jennifer
    *Momma to 3 at home and 2 Henan cuties

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  3. 2Tim 1:7 is a scripture I claim often. "For I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind.." I really like the sound mind part ;o)

    You are going to be awesome. I am right there with you..I have checked my paperwork 20 times and still woke up at 5 a.m. with a pit the size of the Grand Canyon in my tummy.

    Praying your darlings are here soon.

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  4. Love that song , maybe it is for husbands , but it speaks volumes to me . I needed this as we pray about adopting our 4th time , many fears ,but we know if we dive into this again , it is His plan and He will take walk the path with us , just as He did the first 3 times . Judy

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