Dr Seuss

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. 

It's not.

                                                         Dr. Seuss

Qingdao, Shandong China

Alive & well

We finally can get online and post! What a trip! We just got to our final destination city - Guangzhou, china- where the US consulate is. We have had the kids not quite a week and have traveled almost the north- south length of China. I will post more about the trip later but I know that you are wanting to know about the KIDS!!

FeiFei is an absolute doll and charms everyone we meet. She is smart and talkative. She loves to perform, is prissy and just a jewel. Her gotcha day was rough though. They traveled with five kids by train 2.5 hours plus picking up the kids etc. then it was decided the kids would be brought to the hotels and not to a central location. FeiFei was the last to be dropped off. She arrived wearing 4 pairs of pants, a thick jacket, a turtleneck, and sweatshirt. We thought she weighed at least 10 lbs more! We were handed to bags stuffed full of cookies and treats? Apparently when she was returned to the orphanage in September she pitched such a fit they returned her to her foster parents. So not only had she spent all day traveling ( it was now 5:30 pm), watched 4 other kids gotcha day, and had just left her foster parents that morning - once she realized we were the "mama & baba" for her she screamed a blood curdling scream that wretched my soul until she fell asleep. Oh how I spent that night praying, my heart hurt so much for her. My head knew it was for better but how my heart hurt. When morning came she woke with her beautiful smile and has filled our hearts with her laughter.

Cavanaugh arrived arrived shortly after to 2 last Sunday. He was all smiles and we were amazed at how agile and fast he is despite his significant limb impairment. He apparently got sick on the way and his multiple layers were covered in vomit ugh. He arrived with a male caregiver who was awesome. He barely cried and we had a great time with him until FeiFei came. The next day we saw his caregiver again and spent the day with them again as we finished his paperwork. We really had no choice about this. His caregiver had to be in his mid 20's and was very nice to him but also gave into Cav's every want. When we said goodbye at the end of the day you could see that his caregiver was very shaken and I think that this affected Cav more than we may ever know.

The next few days were as close to hell as I ever want to come. We were warned before we left that Satan hated adoptions and if you remember cavanaughs adoption was totally a God thing. I am ashamed to say how easily we forgot to go to the foot of the cross during our time of trouble but in a land so vast and without any form of religion we faltered. We did have to search our souls as Cav's hands are also affected (we were unaware of this) and decided although this might be harder than we ever thought he was our son. Please keep us, him in your prayers - we have seen prayer calm him and help us.

We have affectionately named them Lilo and Stitch.

Now let's see if I can upload some pictures!

Ladybugs!

Let me start this post by reminding you that we live in Colorado - 

tonight is going to be -15 degrees YES that is a NEGATIVE 15 degrees!

Gardens have been gone for months, leaves have fallen and the cycle of life continues.

School was delayed 2 hours this morning,

Performances were cancelled this evening due to dangerous temperatures.

And what do I find in my bathroom?

A Godwink,

a little assurance that the little ladybugs (as Chinese orphans are so often referred to)

 belong in our house.

I have no other explanation for 2 - did you catch that TWO!! ladybugs, 

living in my bathroom during the dead of winter.  

We first noticed them during our frustrating time waiting for the delays on our Article 5.

Just a glimpse of one at a time.

It was special, a sign I was sure.

But I about fell over when apparently they migrated from the far wall across the room to being in the same spot just over the balcony door 3 stories up!

One likes the crack in the door and the other burrows into the folds of the blind.

Two fabulous, gorgeous little ladybugs coming together just for us!

I fall to my knees in thinking of HIS grace, HIS compassion for our family.

Waiting Children

There are several places on the web which help adopting parents get through the process.  From packing lists, advices on places to stay and ensuring paperwork is ready to go and questions answered.  On of these great places is called Rumor Queen (RQ).  There has been a very interesting discussion about waiting lists and being matched.  Those that know me, know there was no way in hell  the world that I could just sit by and wait to be matched.  In fact I am in awe of those that can wait month after month.

But . . .

There are currently over 1600 children on the "shared list" with probably another almost thousand on individual agency lists.

The shared list adds new children every month or so.  As new children are added the "old" ones go further and further down on the list.  When I first started this process I thought that the "old" ones were already picked over.  They would never find homes because those that came before me had already "checked" the kids out.

See this angel -

He was made available for international adoption at 16 months old.

He sat on the list for another 20. . . YES, TWENTY MONTHS!  Does he have a limb deformity - yes, the pictures of his legs are surprising but most importantly he is a little boy, without a family.  He has the most kissable lips, and a spirit the will surpass his disability.

We submitted our LOI on his 3rd birthday.  But really it breaks my heart how many people passed over his picture, 

how many nights he went to sleep without a mommy and daddy to tuck him into bed, 

read him stories, 

celebrate his birthday

tell him he is loved . . . by us and by God.

He is our little gem, hidden for us among 1600 other children.

Maybe, just maybe there is another gem at the bottom of the list jsut for you.

There are several fabulous resources ~

Rainbowkids.com

Reecesrainbow.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AdvocateforWC

Care Package disaster!

I have been ignoring this blog, not because I have nothing to say, but because I was so heartbroken.

Our sweet Felicity turned 4 on September 4th, and when the day closed in I lost it.  You see our sweet baby girl will

NEVER
 know
her birthday
for real.

Through out this process I thought no big deal, so what it's jsut a day.  But you know what .  .  .  it's not.

It's unfair
and my heart just breaks.

THis baby girl was found on December 4th and she looked to be about 3 months old.

Really,
and how many dwarf babies had they previously seen?

So December 4th minus 3 months = her birthdate.  That simple.

But really
Four birthdays
   Without her family
    did she ever get a cake
     a doll
     a dress
EVER?

Oh wait  .  .  . that's right we sent her all of those things for her birthday!  We received fabulous pictures of the items that we bought

And we waited to hear from the 3rd party agency for an update, pictures, anything from her birthday party.

I finally hounded the 3rd party and finally found out that Felicity's agency  doesn't allow any information to be sent through a 3rd party!

I was HOT! - could I not have been told that before we bought everything!

THen I mourned.  13 yes THIRTEEN months since our last set of pictures of our sweet girl.  My heart aches to know how she looks now.

THat she is healthy and no signs of hydrocephalus, that she smiles, anything!

So friends, please pray that we receive something soon!

FeiFei's care Package

So little man had his birthday on Aug 2nd, and FeiFei's is Sept 4th.  It is SOOO hard to know she will be celebrating without us.  Even harder to know that our agency doesn't allow care packages to the child until after LOA.  BUT in a family who's love language is gifts we contacted a wonderful lady who is arranging a cake and a few presents for our little girl.  I can't wait for pictures.  Here are what we order for her.  We figured the short sleeve dress would be best since we have no idea what size FeiFei is - and her type of dwarfism (achondroplasia) her torso is "normal" for her age but her arms and legs are short.  I sure hope she loves them all and knows how very special we think she is!

We totally missed Cav's birthday but sent our LOI (letter of intent) on his birthday so we thought that was a forever birthday present.  Once we get our LOA then we will send him a care package also.

Yeah. . . we're finally DTC!!

You say what!

Our dossier - all of the paperwork mom's been working on since we found FeiFei in January.  

It is finally on the way to China!!

OK, I don't have a picture of a fedex plane so I figured a picture of our beloved thunderbirds and the AFA from graduation in May!  

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!! I800-A

We got it!  After a very long wait for our I800-A and an RFE because our agency forgot to include our marriage certificate we got the approval today in the mail!  I do have to say though that they allowed us to email our marriage certificate and got the approval apparently all on the same day!!  Thanks USCIS!

Received April 14, 2011
Notice April 19, 2011
Fingerprints May 16, 2011
RFE received June 18, 2011
Approval June 20, 2011
Received June 23, 2011

And this is how I feel about this part of our trip!

Tomorrow to Denver to get our authentication and then Fedex to our agency!

Why are we adopting two?

This adoption thing is a totally foreign process for us. It is a new adventure and like a pregnancy we are already looking forward to holding our children in our arms. The one thing that has surprised me about this process is the reaction from people both close to us and acquaintances. Here are some of the things we have heard along the way . . . You have the perfect life, why would you ruin that? Life will be so much easier if you don't do this. Can't you atleast find a child with an 'easy' problem. What are you doing to your children? And the number one - what does your husband think about all this.

I think you will find the answers in this video. This is God's journey, these are our children and I know He will provide and we will prosper. I don't know why he chose us, we aren't the perfect parents but perhaps we are a path and it is our children he is using. I hope someday to know that answer but in the meantime, we, as a family, anxiously await the arrival of our two blessings.

Happy 3rd Birthday little guy!

Our sweet little boys birthday was yesterday (blogger was down for posts).  Anyhow, we celebrate the day with our little guy in our heart.  I also was able to get in contact with a fabulous agency who can send a care package for us.  We will be sending a late birthday present for our little guy and something for our daughter.

We also had a meeting with our Pastor in the morning, to share our journey and for guidance.  You know the commercials about not having to be the perfect parents to adopt.  That's us, I am know to over commit and volunteer, my house is more often a wreck than not, I haven't used my oven in 3 weeks (ok we are getting the kitchen remodeled but I haven't even missed it!)  I could go on and on.  We also have gotten quite a bit of negative reactions when people find out about adopting two.  I am surprised how it already hurts to have my children rejected.

Anyhow, we have such a fabulous Pastor who is genuine.  He helped us to see that this is God's journey and that he has a plan for us (all of us.)  That I don't have to have everything figured out, it will all work out perfectly in time.  This is very hard for me, I like love to be in control.   I am thinking that five kids with 3 aged 3 & 4 may help cure me from this obsession of mine!  Anyhow, Happy Birthday little one, hopefully this will be the last one you will have to celebrate without your family! 

YEAH we have his file!!

Ok our agency has found and received our littlest angels file.  I am so excited I could have just screamed from the mountain tops .  .  . but just worked out and a hike was out of the question LOL!!  Anyhow,  our LOI will wait upon whether or not anyone else can possibly get ahold of his file.  If they can we will submit the LOI on Monday.  If not then we will wait for the update we requested.  Our file was done when he was 16 mos old and he will be 3 this month.  Just like when we were pregnant we decided against the risk of an amniocentesis simply because it would never have made a difference whether we carried the pregnancy to term.

And our picture for the post -

Our sweet little FeiFei - she is such a darling little thing and watch out world cuz Felicity is on the way to being the queen!  Don't you love her red shoes!! Her referral picture also showed her wearing the same shoes and the first thing our big girl noticed.  He smile, her demeanor is so fabulous.  She is part of the Half the Sky program which helps us as we patiently go through the process until we can bring her home!

Searching, searching, searching

So funny, our little girl came in the email.  We did go through tons of the available child sites like Reeces Rainbow and Rainbowkids searching for a special needs child.  We actually were looking at several other children and each time they already had a family pursuing them.  Then our little girl came in my email!  She is so perfect for our family, spunky, outgoing and well her own girl.

We (as in I again) have been searching for a little guy.  We thought an estimated million kiddos up for adoption in China, how many provinces are there, and everyone is looking for girls.   I was sure that we would easily be able to find a little guy from Qingdao or atleast Shandong province.  Then we thought ok, maybe it's God's will for us to bring another child with dwarfism home.  So we searched, we went through the entire CCAA waiting child list.  We found that many of these little people are not always classified under dwarfism.  I found 10 possible little people.

THen I decided I better email or SW and find out exactly what our homestudy is approved for - good thing, it's only ages 0-6 years.  That cuts out a lot.  In addition, I will have a 5 and 4 year old with dwarfism in our home.  Can I really do this.  I am a normal person, I have come across some super people, and I know I am not one of them.  So, we are still searching.  If God really means for us to come home with two he will make it happen.  Have I mentioned that patience is NOT my best quality.

On the other hand, my husband came home from the weekend retreat and said his answer was 'not this one but another.'  It is so hard to turn down files, but I know I really need to make sure I am not putting a square peg into a round hole either.  So we continue to search!

Yeah . . . we got our fingerprint appointments!

Two letters from homeland security and we are one step closer!  The appointment is almost 3 weeks away but atleast we have a date!

Pictures!

Yeah we found pictures of our new little one!  From a link off of a link to a group on yahoo and then another link.  We are potentially looking to bring home a second child at the same time we bring home our little one!  Anyhow, after much pray we determined (ok me DH hasn't quite agreed yet LOL) that the best idea is to get another child from the same province.  This keeps our in country time still down to two weeks.  With work, school and our little guys physical issues we feel we can Do 2 weeks but three is pushing it.  Anyhow, because we aren't particularly picky on age, gender and will except a variety of special needs we will hopefully find someone as perfect for our family as our little girl!  Please pray that my husband sees the benefit and doesn't worry about the cost etc.

And for a picture of our little one .  .  . I sure hope they are ok to post, but if not I am sure someone will tell me LOL!!  Can't you just eat her up!!

We also got a letter today that said we are logged in with USCIS for our I-800A as of April 14, 2011!  And the paperwork roles on!

Ugh things are so slow!

We just want our little FeiFei here with us.  Get her the medical care she probably needs and love on her.  I have never been a patient person, but I have a feeling that this process will teach me to be patient.  I am even more frustrated over the new rules.  If we don't have a TA by August 1 then our post adoption goes from one year (2 visits) to 5 years.  As a nurse, and a mom I am all for ensuring the safety of the children, but I am also for the attachment and finalization of the adoption too.  I hope things will be different when we have her with us, but what if we don't fill out a paper just right or in my case not on time.  Not because we don't want to, but just because we have four kids and life can get in the way.  Ok done venting.

The really scary one is Oct 1, when most of our current paperwork will no longer qualify and we get to start over.  Ugh can't I jsut pay someone to speed up tis process.  I always heard that adoption was not for the faint of heart.  I can't even imagine doing this and not already having a child.

Our paperwork is with the adoption agency being reviewed and then notarized (I think).  We also have submitted for the i-800A from USCIS.  So now we wait.

Homestudy almost done!

I am so excited, our social worker has our homestudy jsut about done!  She has been absolutely amazing!  We are going to 'review' it on Tues before we leave on Weds for 10 day spring break vacation!!  Of course hubby says 'what do i need to read I know what happened in my life, and pretty sure I know everything about yours.'  The process seems to be going pretty smoothly and we are getting more and more excited as time passes.  Just waiting on the last two background checks and a few notories, and then I think we are good to go!!

1st Dr appointment made!

OK, you might think we are freaks, but when I was making little B's appointment to see the dwarfism specialist in Denver we received a date for NOVEMBER 9th!!  Yes it is MARCH!  So I told the receptionist about Fei-Fei and we made her an appointment for the following slot!  It was so weird to give all of her information as our daughter.  I truthfully have no idea when we are going to get her, but I realized if we waited until we had her at home , she wouldn't be seen until spring or even summer!

LOI submitted

OK, I really have to better about this blog thing!  I can't believe it has been almost a month since we last posted.  Yes of course we accepted this little one.  She is already our little girl and our sister.  DH well he played hard to get but in the end he knew the same as I did that she was ours.  God really did make this happen.  We had about five events occur the weeks we were deciding that came out of the blue and solidified that this was our path.  I totally believe God shows us signs if we are willing to look for them.

Anyhow, the hardest part is that our little one is a special focus child with an agency in TEXAS ugh!  We couldn't get her file moved to an agency in Colorado (Denver has a huge China only agency.)  So after some work and the help of our Texas agency we found a great agency to help us with our homestudy etc.  Best part, they have a contract social worker in Colorado Springs.  Although this agency was a bit more, they were interested in expediting our paperwork etc.  We have 6 mos to get our dossier to China or we loose our little one.  I don't stress but this would make anyone stress.  Especially when most agencies were telling us that it would be 5 mos for jsut the homestudy.

So we have already have had 2 of our visists and they weren't nearly as bad as we had thought they might be.  We are average normal people but still!  One more meeting this Sunday and then I think we are done but we will see.  The worst part for us, keeping the house clean for 3 weeks straight!

A file!

In just a few short days since I started this blog I went from months of searching, questioning, and searching to a file!  In my heart I already know she is my daughter. Yep, a girl.  We thought for sure we would be adoption a boy, we know boys, we have plan for little B and our new little boy to share his large room.  However, when we received her file, something occurred to me.  At Sundays sermon our wonderful new pastor spoke of challenges, and if things fit nicely into our boxes then they wouldn't be a challenge, and we wouldn't grow from them.  And so yes God opened the door and we have a little girl.

As for DH I gave him time to think about it (we have two weeks).  He processes, he worries . . .he is a man.  However, he did have to laugh when he read the file the first night.  "She sounds just like Pita (our 8 year old)!  THis little one is 'obstinant sometimes' her file says.  I just have to laugh.  Our kids have always been outgoing, and little B draws crowds wherever we go.  COuld we really have a child that was docile and quiet?  I guess God answered that.

Anyhow, I am thrilled and nervous at the same time.  The kids - well,  lets jsut say that this was a proud momma moment.  I did bring up the question to them.  I was worried how little B would feel about being a big brother - he was thrilled.  But in his typical manner asked some questions.  When he found out she had no momma or daddy it took him some time to process this, he couldn't even imagine.  Not so thrilled with the girl part but that will come.  My next worry was Pita, how would she feel about not being the only girl.  Our little mother was also actually thrilled with the thought of a little girl to dress and play with.  Big T - well he was as compassionate and sweet as always.  So then we told daddy!

The answer is not yes, but in my view of the world it is also not no.  I have prayed that if this is God's will then he will make it alright with DH.  Prayers please jsut encase anyone is out there!