Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Perfection

I grew up in a family where perfection was expected.  What others thought of us was THE most important agenda.  I have to even say way back when my oldest was little I still had that thought process.  I was so caught up in what others thought of my parenting based on how my kids acted, what my kids looked, what car we drove, etc.  I found myself yelling a lot more, stressing way more and plain not happy - with anything.

Then almost 6 years ago our little Brahm was born to our perfect little family.  You know the one with the 2 kids, boy and a girl, dog in the backyard, PTO, etc.  Except this little angel was different.  He would have struggles, he would look different and frankly our perfect little world came crashing down around us.

Because really when all you teach is perfection what happens when life is no longer perfect, when you fail, or your life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would?

BUT . . .

He was also incredibly dynamic, and could reel people into his world like nothing I have ever seen before.  Slowly the negative comments and the apologetics turned into "I want one jsut like him!?!?"  Yeah pretty sure that wasn't gonna happen.

Still I was caught in the world of perfection.

And then we looked at adopting.   Our big excuse . . . we were NOT the perfect people.  Well, as I started reading blogs I came across one that changed my life.  She had a lot of kids, she said she was not organized, wasn't a great cook, and on some days didn't even like kids . . . ding, ding, ding!

 I have always know God has had a plan with Cav, his story is jsut to . . . well God.  I am slowly beginning to realize that maybe just maybe part of HIS plan is to teach us that different is ok,
in fact different should be celebrated.
With a child who destroys a pair of pants everyday,
you quickly get over how your kids look.

Cav is an in your face and hard to ignore difference.  While my children with dwarfism are "cute" and have incredible personalities, Cav has to work for EVERYTHING.  He requires people to either move away from their comfort zone of perfection, or delve blindly deeper into it.

We have encountered both.

My perfection seeking relatives, only see Cav's legs.  You can watch them and FIVE months later they still only see the disability and NOT the little boy behind them.  Do you know how sad that is - not for him or us because we have a ton of people cheering for this little boy, but for them.

On the flip side we have seen (in our perfect little sheltered community) true character.  There was a wrestling program which Brahm LOVES, the coach said bring Cav too.  Although it was a bit much for this timid child with intensely ingrained orhanage behavior, these teenage boys played with him, thought through activities so he could also participate, and cheered him on.  They touched my son, they carried him and not once did they turn in repulsion.  These are the men of our future and although I don't know their names, I do know one very important thing - they will succeed in this world, and I pray everyday that my own children will be men of character like these boys.



You know something else, imperfection is freeing. . . if you can handle our house then truly you are more than welcome to come as you are.  I will no longer run around, cleaning, changing children, . . . OK I will make sure the toilets are flushed and their is toilet paper LOL!


4 comments:

  1. Love it! My husband & I both still struggle with making an impression for people (my husband a little more than I). But we are learning... slowly... one of the true gifts of having children is learning to let go & let God. They will not ever keep a white shirt clean. They will not ever let a house remain clean. It's upsetting at times, but freeing also. This is who we are - take us or leave us. As long as we're happy, that's all that matters! (*btw, I have the same relatives as you! All they can see is our son's missing arm. If only they could see past it & find what an incredible person he is! Their loss, though)

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  2. Ah, perfection. How familiar this is! Thanks for sharing your heart and your journey. Would you be willing to let us feature this post on "We Are Grafted In"? (www.wearegraftedin.com) I'd just need a brief bio and a pic to use when it is featured so we can direct people back to your blog.
    Let me know!
    Stephanie (smurphy 28 @ juno . com)
    co-administrator of WAGI

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  3. I could have written this post! Cydil gave me your blog addy awhile back. I'm writing this from a hospital bed where my ds just had his amp surgery. He was born on China as a bilateral congenital above knee amputee. Moreso he is a delightful ball of smiles and gusto that will not be denied! We had bio kids, adopted kids and now we have Sam. Cue our turning point in perspective. So good for all of us!
    Shelley

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  4. Love, love, love an honest post from the heart! From one former perfectionist to another, THANK YOU!

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