Falling Short

Be glad my friends you don't live in our house LOL!

My humanness is so flawed, I try to keep my eyes on the Lord, knowing that this is his plan.

But oh I jsut want to have this baby in my arms.
I want to be on the plane
I want to know when I am leaving

I am so tired of the paperwork,
Tired of people's excuses,
Tired of watching others speed past us as we stand in the wrong line at the checkout.

Let's jsut say that I lack patience
My husband says that is why God keeps trying to teach me this virtue LOL!

I emailed our agency - again cc'ing in the director.
it's Wednesday - they said this was the drop dead date whether we could travel on the 16th.
Now they said it's still possible
IF
IF
IF

So my crazed self did all the kids laundry
packed Griffen's clothes
Repacked Griffen's clothes,
went and bought new suitcases (that would be easier for Tristan to push two)

This was about the time I talked to the travel agent
who informed me there were no more consulate appts in Nov ?!?!
WTH,
had some chocolate
and repacked Griffen's clothes one more time.

Yeah real effective use of my day LOL!

My soul keeps saying to Be still and trust
and my humanness keeps failing.
I see his sad face and my heart weeps
my arms ache

Owl Mail

I had another rough day yesterday.  I can't even pinpoint why, but I have gotten to the point that reading facebook jsut puts me in a - feel sorry for myself mood.  We were DTC on May 30th, it then took 3 weeks to be LID (6/20)  this is normally 1 week.  The whole summer and nothing on Griffin.  People are getting close to travel that sent their Dossiers at the same time.  Now don't get me wrong - I am thrilled for each one of my friends - but it is jsut hard.

Anyhow, I got home last night from a Women's Ministry meeting (which did my soul good!) and realized I needed to change the little piece of paper I have been using to keep track of dates.

Instead of counting each day as it passed, I would circle 120 days from LID and if our LOA came before that I figured I would be thrilled.

As I was circling October 18th,

I also thought I should circle 120 days from our RFE date

SO I circled November 15th (oddly enough the same day I originally was trying to beat since that was when our visa's from our last trip are good until)

You know it did my soul good to realize that even worst case scenerio we would have the baby home by the beginning of 2013.

 The angst was gone.

Now I wish that was the whole story but then the title would make no sense LOL!

As we were getting ready for bed the dogs lost their mind.  We have a can't shut up Collie and a 3 lb Yorkie.  I know if I hear the lazy ole Yorkie there is something trying to get our chickens.

We figured it was the stinking Husky or Coyotes again so I sent hubby out - cuz . . . well, you know!!

He was gone a long time, so I thought I would see what the commotion was.

As I walked out I heard the strangest thing.

For a minute I thought it was a really loud Dove (we have tons at our house which I love!)

Nope, it was an OWL!

We live in Colorado, we have lived here for 30 years and I can NOT ever remember seeing an OWL!!

AND he was huge.

When I woke this morning it dawned on me that either this was a fabulous sighting or really bad (thinking of Fei's surgery in particular).

As I was googling owl's and symbolism my cell rang!

OWLS ARE VERY, VERY GOOD!

Griffin Taomega born 5/13/10 - 

we will be there soon sweet angel!

Anyhow, I jsut got home from drop off and walked into my office.  I had to laugh.  What was sitting there?  The gorgeous OWL purse I won from my friend Tracey's auction!  God has giving me winks all along I just had no idea what they meant!

And since I am pretty vocal about how bad our last agency was, I want to also be sure to say how incredibly magnificent our new agency is.  Apparently our NEW references were misplaced in Chin@ and Madison sent their in country rep to check on it several times.  After talking to them they really went to bat for us.  They are truly about the kids!

Wrong Line

I think I have resigned myself to being in the long line for LOA's.
I am standing here with my cart full,
of cute baby clothes,
hopes and dreams,
heck I even made dinner tonight for SIX kids.

Um, hello . . . one is eating breakfast with his foster family today LOL!
I swore I wouldn't be like this,

Yeah, right
I jump at ever phone call,
I hate leaving the house
jsut encase I MISS the call.

You know the one from the agency,
who I am sure will overnight my package even if I don't talk to them.
Of course they have EVERY number I have access to.
PLUS, I have email on my phone.

Even my kids (meaning my daughter)
asks several times a day if we got the letter yet.
Just encase in my excitement I forget to tell her.

And the sane part of myself,
realizes this is THE dumbest thing for me to be worrying about!
Really, I mean we have a cranial surgery,
and have to find some legs,
and possibly teach one little boy to walk,
and my dang kids talked me into playing,
football,
lacrosse,
football,
lacrosse,
volleyball,

oh and did I mention
LACROSSE UGH!

Yep, 3 kids playing on SIX TEAMS!
CAN you say FREAKIN CHAOS!

OK, see I knew you would make me feel better.
The last thing I need right now is to leave for China,

BUT oh do my arms ache to hold my baby.
Who my husband reminds me is no longer a baby and is very worried about the update we got (in March) particularly this statement!

"If he gets mad, he will sleep on the floor and roll over. The foster parents need to be patient to deal with it."
 
Yep, he will fit in perfectly!!

HIS Perfect Timing!

First let me say that at times I feel like a toddler in my relationship with God.  I get it, I get to see His magnificent workings and then bam! something else happens and I go right back to being the toddler in a temper tantrum!

If you haven't been reading my blog (all 5 of you LOL!) I'll sum up our journey to our paperwork.  We were delayed 3 times.  I have spent a fortune on Fedex.  I have been ORGANIZED (this is no small feat!) and still we have been delayed by OTHER PEOPLE!

Can I tell you how absolutely frustrating this is!

My last post about my son got me thinking even more.  Then it dawned on me - THIS was why our Article 5 was delayed a week.  If it had been picked up on Oct 27th like we expected, we would have been in the TA wave (25 families) that came on Tuesday.  Knowing myself, I would have had airline tickets scheduled by Thursday.  Long story short - I would have been in China with a kid in a full arm cast who needed it removed - oh yeah that would have been good!  Besides the fact - I need him for this trip.

Ok I felt so in awe of Him, this weekend.  What a nice and amazing place to be - just saying.  I couldn't help smiling, I couldn't help telling those around me, I mean it is cool.

Of course I got another email today from our agency and low and behold ANOTHER delay!  I mean really, I lost it, I balled, I typed up a ... um ... not so nice email.  The only saving grace was that I had a tiny bit of thought to call my husband before hitting send.  He of course calmed me, reminding me of who really is in charge.  I am disappointed, people's incompetence jsut makes me mad.  Please pray for us, this has to be one of the hardest experiences I can remember going through.  

Future Dreams & proverbs

I mentioned yesterday that I so feel like I am at the end of a pregnancy, jsut sitting waiting for labor to begin and this new baby to arrive.  It is absolutely the oddest experience, actually not being pregnant, without a date and looking over the edge of a cliff to the other side.

The other side will be neither better nor worse, jsut different but we are ready, ready to be a family filled with love for two incredibly special children who grew in all of our hearts.  Two amazing children who will get to experience their very firsts with our amazing older children, loving them along the way.

Yes I can hear the tires screeching 

That this will be not our reality.  

But for the next few weeks I have decided I will indulge myself in dreams.  

You know the dreams, the ones you had before your first was born, as you held him in your arms for the first time and that little 5 lb baby would one day become a famous football player, a God fearing man who would change the world, whatever you dreamed for your first child.

I think we dream these dreams for all of our children, but I find myself spending the past weeks and months dreaming, and planning for what our new children will be like.  They will show up with personalities, likes and dislikes.

So for the time being I will continue with my 

All roses and lollipops.

'cuz I am pretty sure things may go to hell in a handbasket soon after we come home LOL!

On another note ~

I so haven't been able to think over the past months of the adoption, I have gone back to jsut letting the Bible open and reading until I feel God speaking to me.  Recently, as in today, I came to the beginning of proverbs.  Somehow, I had forgotten that it was written by Solomon (we have been doing Kings for our Sunday bible study.)  He was so smart, he had the wisdom of God, but he sure made a lot of mistakes.  I found it so interesting that the purpose of Proverbs,

¹ The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
 ² for gaining wisdom and instruction;
   for understanding words of insight;
³ for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,
   doing what is right and just and fair;
⁴ for giving prudence to those who are simple,^[a]
   knowledge and discretion to the young—
⁵ let the wise listen and add to their learning,
   and let the discerning get guidance—
⁶ for understanding proverbs and parables,
   the sayings and riddles of the wise.^[b
7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
   but fools^[c] despise wisdom and instruction.
⁸ Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
   and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
⁹ They are a garland to grace your head
   and a chain to adorn your neck.