Waiting for TA

Some TA"s have been coming in 4 days - some in weeks and there seems to be a computer glitch affecting LOA's so this momma worries that will also affect TA's

I am resting in the Lord that His timing is perfect.

I however think going over spring break would be perfect LOL!  So perfect in fact that I have not planned a SINGLE thing to do that week - 3/24.

It is now the 10th,
In my mind I thought tomorrow would really be the last day we could get TA to travel for a 3/24 gotcha.

I just checked Tao's timeline to the right and realized -

NOPE - I have until the 14th - because one insane trip across the world means I CAN do it again!

And lucky me - my husband is insisting on cooking form all the old stuff in the freezers and fridge heehee (poor kids LOL).

Actually the man is pretty creative and they usually don't mind his concoctions - and at this point that means I don't have to make any meals ahead.

Because those who have done this - I am not getting much done.

I check my email,
I check my cell phone,
I RUN each time a phone rings - even if I am not home.
I check and recheck the home phone JUST ENCASE they called there and not my cell.

Yeah, it's all quite productive in getting the other things done I need to do

Like PACK,
Which BTW - I prefer traveling in winter - because this March - April thing is killing me - do I bring long sleeve (which most likely won't fit Dawson because of his dwarfism) or short sleeve because for us 68 degrees is HOT!  What about pants vs shorts - can they even wear shorts ugh.

And this Colorado girl really does not do well in humidity.

THe PLUS is I won't be wearing my summer clothes here so you would think I would get my rear in gear and pack!

As for our boy - we are praying his heart is softening towards our family.  We know from our experience with Cav to expect the worst.  THis is why I am bringing BRahm with me.  I know 11 year old boys - they like 2 things - gross and video games.  Mom is not so good at either but a particular 7 year old IS!!

Also knowing Dawson is delayed because of his time in the orphanage I am guessing they will be close in age mentally.

Again I am fully aware they might hate each other and praying that they will be instant buds.

My biggest fear is Dawson HAS to agree tot he adoption - he HAS to sign the paperwork.  Although I think this is probably mentally very good for him, and gives him a say - I have hear enough stories of kids backing out at the last minute.

We have been assured he wants to be adopted.  I trust our agency in this, and more importantly I am trusting that this is the journey God wants us to go on.

So we are constantly in prayer for his little heart.

We pray his transition will be as easy and seamless as this little guy.  Every night he prayers for his Dawson  - Ma - Dawson lub me!   We are continually prepping him that I will talk to him on the computer but he needs to stay here to help his Dolly (that's what he calls his big old daddy LOL!)

His Faith

I have menioned on here before we are not cradle to gravers - but we plan to fulfill the rest!  In fact we had been away from the church for over 20 years.  Then 7 years ago all of that changed.

Seven years ago, this boy of ours finally was baptized and we began to follow our journey that God laid out before us.  We are Lutheran - we don't believe in works based salvation.  We didn't adopt to be saved, we didn't adopt for any other reason than God placed these children on our hearts, asking who will go to my children.

We simply said we will.

As I have mentioned before, while we were in the process with Fei

 the number one question people asked us was

"What are you doing TO your bio kids."

Our journey was CONFIRMED this weekend.

When our oldest became a member of the Lutheran church through confirmation.

Below is a snippet of his FAITH statement

he wrote by himself.

"God has given us many blessings that we are unaware of. He gives us the sunny days and entertainment. He has given me my family, my adopted brothers and sister and my biological brother and sister as well. God has chosen us to protect and save these three little children. Even though our latest miracle story is still in China everyone in our family has opened their hearts to Griffen. I feel it is my duty to protect my brothers and sisters and the rest of my family. A phrase that God has presented me and my family with lately is “Man up and protect the fatherless.” Meaning let us take care of the orphans and the widows and let us run with perseverance this race so marked out for us, for non of us know what will happen until it does, which we can either learn and build off of the mistakes or let them hinder from our race for God."

Of course, I was shocked when I heard his statement for the first time.  I know I was not so strong at 13 and truthfully as I sit here, broken hearted over another day without my TA, Hurricane Sandy, and our agency in Delaware, I wonder if I am that strong NOW!   I read the last line and smile.  My crazy impatience has truly hindered from my race.

His gift was a poster I created using his verse Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us runwith perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneerand perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Home by Christmas

I have tried being strong an faithful all day.  Although I checked my email a hundred times today, looked at my phone jsut to make sure the ringer was on a thousand times, NOTHING. . . NADA. . .ZILCH.

Oh I tried so hard to be ok with it as I saw all those around us getting TA today.  Please know I am absolutely thrilled for them, but it makes it so hard for me.

I KNOW His timing is perfect, I KNOW that others perhaps are more in need, our kids might need a little more time, I KNOW His timing is perfect, but my arms physically ache to hold these children in my arms.

Of course this video I found on another friends blog sent me back into tears.  You see when we started this process for our sweet little FeiFEi in January - really it hasn't even been a year! - all I prayed for months was that we would have her by Christmas.  So much has changed in that year, but I think my very cells see Christmas trees, holiday music and snow and I physically can almost feel her. I am not naive enough to think it will be roses and lollipops but atleast I can know that they will have the bare minimum including our undying love.