Ugh I have shared before that I have only been back in the church for about 8 years. I am realizing that I have gaps in my understanding - interestingly it is helping me to understand Fei's gaps in school. Sme of the basics are just not there.
For the past couple months we have had a decision before us - but I keep feeling like god hasn't been there to answer me. No signs, no lightening bolts, nothing
And then the most Blessed experience happened. Our friends are taking a group to Uganda for a mission trip - we have felt very close to this trip although didn't feel called that this is where God wanted me. So we have tried to help during their prep time. They called to ask if they could borrow our big van to go to the airport. A little juggling would be required.
Anyhow, in the mean time another group member acquired a Bus however they would be required to pay for the gas and tolls.
In the shower, I felt the need to get them a giftcard for $300?!? Hmmm, maybe they could use the extra in the airport (for their daughter joining them). I kept thinking how much could it really cost for gas - I make that trip all the time. Maybe a $100 at the most. I kept thinking, and then life got in the way and I didn't get the gift card.
I saw my friend that evening and told her I felt I should pay for the gas. I asked her if she knew the cost.
You guessed it $300!
Ugh, and I realized the epic fail. God didn't ask me to think or question. I regret that He didn't just want me to give the money, but if I had given that giftcard without knowing the price, how much that would have shown them that God was in the details.
Today as I thought again about this I also realized God has been talking to me, whispering - He is actually right with me. He wants me to follow - I am learning, and realizing that slowly those holes are filling in.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Spirit of Flight
We had a crazy day today - I thought maybe our school did a special "Continuation" ceremony for our 5th and 8th graders because . . . well it's a K-12th so really they don't get the joy of attending a new school next year, jsut a different part of the building. However, it seems this is the thing to do!
So Daddy took of work, and we all went this morning to Morgan's 5th grade. Can I jsut say I am shocked at how grown up these girls look LOL! So proud of the young lady our daughter has become. From the Kindergartener who had someone sit with her for 30 min every day to try and get her to learn her numbers and colors, to the 2nd grader who started the year barely able to sound out ANYTHING! To today when she received a presidential award for academic achievement!
I am not kidding when my husband and I were not saving for college for this girl but a dowery LOL!
Tall, beautiful leader who is learning that there is so much more to the world than what she feels. If you have a child who struggles and every color you ask her is green yet she has been accessorizing her outfits since she was two, then please hold hope in our Morgan. THe road is NOT easy, or typical BUT it also is not the end!
(Note to others focusing jsut on Morgan was to much for Cav so he had to go home for the rest of the day. I would not have thought this would have been an issue but the crowds, changes in schedule etc really set him off.)
Tristan ~ the boy who we were sure would never get out of middle school when he entered 3 years ago. Not only has our family changed but he really has stepped into the role incredibly. Our friends are Hawaiian and had Leis flown in for the continuation ceremony - what a special and amazing treat!!
In walks our son in his freshly pressed shirt, tie AND SHORTS!?!?! Dude, I know for a fact I pressed not one but 2 pairs of your pants today and none were shorts!!
Heehee but oh did he learn a lesson on being prepared for the unexpected!!
Midway through the ceremony they called him forward - he HAD no idea what was going on nor did al the other eight kids!! (And yes I checked the other kids outfits to make sure he wasn't being called out for improper dressing LOL!)
THe other kids were called forward for their special awards and then Tristan and the girl in the white dress were left standing there with no award and no idea what they were up there for.
THe AP told the story of how the next award was developed.
He had been at a track meet, hurdles in fact. The boy tripped, ripping open his knee. Instead of quitting, he looked at his knee, wiped away the blood and kept on running. Outside the school is a statue of a child throwing a paper airplane. Thus the name of the award - Spirit of Flight.
Sure enough Tristan and the girl were both the recipients of this award.
You know there are days I have worried about that child, I have worried about the choices our family has made by adopting these children. Not only expanding our family, but also the needs. THe time he has missed school so he could come to CHina with me. The decision not to play on the competitive basketball team because the money wasn't there as airline prices soared. The friends, the girls, the mishaps. I think as mothers we worry in our little bubble and never realize what others see.
But you know his friends, his teachers see the boy with feet entirely to big, holding his new little brother. His friends accepting his family, merely because this boy of ours is so openly accepting and loving. Our son who hears the stupid comments and has learned to realize adults aren't perfect. THey see our family cheering from the sidelines eventhough he may not be the top athlete among incredible athletes. He is in one of those year groups people talk about - they excel at everything.
And with one award, one little plaque with his name written across I realized that he will be ok. Sure we will still have bumps but this boy I couldn't potty train for the life of me, and I was sure would go to college wetting the bed.
Tall, beautiful leader who is learning that there is so much more to the world than what she feels. If you have a child who struggles and every color you ask her is green yet she has been accessorizing her outfits since she was two, then please hold hope in our Morgan. THe road is NOT easy, or typical BUT it also is not the end!
(Note to others focusing jsut on Morgan was to much for Cav so he had to go home for the rest of the day. I would not have thought this would have been an issue but the crowds, changes in schedule etc really set him off.)
Tristan ~ the boy who we were sure would never get out of middle school when he entered 3 years ago. Not only has our family changed but he really has stepped into the role incredibly. Our friends are Hawaiian and had Leis flown in for the continuation ceremony - what a special and amazing treat!!
In walks our son in his freshly pressed shirt, tie AND SHORTS!?!?! Dude, I know for a fact I pressed not one but 2 pairs of your pants today and none were shorts!!
Heehee but oh did he learn a lesson on being prepared for the unexpected!!
Midway through the ceremony they called him forward - he HAD no idea what was going on nor did al the other eight kids!! (And yes I checked the other kids outfits to make sure he wasn't being called out for improper dressing LOL!)
THe other kids were called forward for their special awards and then Tristan and the girl in the white dress were left standing there with no award and no idea what they were up there for.
THe AP told the story of how the next award was developed.
He had been at a track meet, hurdles in fact. The boy tripped, ripping open his knee. Instead of quitting, he looked at his knee, wiped away the blood and kept on running. Outside the school is a statue of a child throwing a paper airplane. Thus the name of the award - Spirit of Flight.
Sure enough Tristan and the girl were both the recipients of this award.
You know there are days I have worried about that child, I have worried about the choices our family has made by adopting these children. Not only expanding our family, but also the needs. THe time he has missed school so he could come to CHina with me. The decision not to play on the competitive basketball team because the money wasn't there as airline prices soared. The friends, the girls, the mishaps. I think as mothers we worry in our little bubble and never realize what others see.
But you know his friends, his teachers see the boy with feet entirely to big, holding his new little brother. His friends accepting his family, merely because this boy of ours is so openly accepting and loving. Our son who hears the stupid comments and has learned to realize adults aren't perfect. THey see our family cheering from the sidelines eventhough he may not be the top athlete among incredible athletes. He is in one of those year groups people talk about - they excel at everything.
And with one award, one little plaque with his name written across I realized that he will be ok. Sure we will still have bumps but this boy I couldn't potty train for the life of me, and I was sure would go to college wetting the bed.
He has become my hero.
And our littlest supporter in daddy's arms!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Tournament weekends
Love, Love, Love this little guy. He cracks me up in the car
"Hey Ma, look.it.me!"
I turn at the stoplight and he is sitting with his foot in the cup holder LOL!
It is Lacrosse tournament time - that means LOTS and LOTS of driving!
We left this morning at 5:30 AM for a stinking 8 am game in Denver - but I took my early risers (can you say joyful, happy children) with us and then daddy met us later with the others.
So thankful for an absolutely gorgeous weekend, lots of friends and truly one of the most spectacular games I have seen in a long time losing in quadruple overtime!
Tao loves hats, and the kids on Tristan's team love him!
I turn around to
"Look, Tao looks like a homey!!"
"Hey Ma, look.it.me!"
I turn at the stoplight and he is sitting with his foot in the cup holder LOL!
It is Lacrosse tournament time - that means LOTS and LOTS of driving!
We left this morning at 5:30 AM for a stinking 8 am game in Denver - but I took my early risers (can you say joyful, happy children) with us and then daddy met us later with the others.
Tao loves hats, and the kids on Tristan's team love him!
I turn around to
"Look, Tao looks like a homey!!"
Four more weekends of tournament play to go! Hope your weekend was Blessed
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
It is really shocking to sit for a sec and think where we were last year.
Cav was really still raging, and more wild child than son.
Can you believe he still had NOT had surgery for his legs - not for almost another month.
We had no idea his remaining tibia would be broken into 3 pieces and we would spend the summer in a cast with a rod ensuring he would heal correctly. We suspected but had no idea his casts would only last on average 10 days and we spent many days driving to Denver for replacements.
Although we knew he would amaze us we had no idea it would only take 48 hours to learn to walk by himself with his new legs.
We still had no idea that his funky hands were actually a manifestation of mild Radial club hands, and that he would need surgery to "fix" them.
Although this is about our two youngest boys I have to add we had no idea Fei's spinal cord was compressed and would require "emergency" surgery on her spine and base of her skull.
We had no idea Cav would blow through his first knee in mere weeks, his first set of legs in months.
We had NOT even met Tao yet,
and no idea our sweet angel possessed the most glorious dimples AND the sweetest personality.
If you have followed us for any time, then you know that it has been a hard year.
Besides 5 surgeries, 14 casts, and more therapy visits than I can count, we also learned to set boundaries.
Truthfully, it probably has been the hardest year of my life. Requiring the most personal growth I have ever experienced.
I laugh when I think back over the year and think "What the heck were we thinking adopting during such turmoil."
But more importantly, I can see that for much of the past year, God carried our family and me specifically. The rest of the time He guided me, molding and shaping.
And as we celebrate an absolutely crazy weekend.
I can truly smile and feel blessed.
Friday the 10th ~ Tao's hand surgery to remove his extra thumbs. We were very blessed that the surgeon was able to transfer the muscle from the "claw" to his real thumb (instead of doing the same surgery as Cav needed)
Saturday the 11th - I lost my mind and we somehow ended up with a new puppy (yeah we were looking for a kitten!)
Cav turned 5 on the 12th (mother's day) I shudder to think what his life would be like if he hadn't become our son. And I am thrilled to say those very hard fought words.
Tao turned 3 on the 13th. So special to celebrate his very first birthday with his family. It was also very emotional since Friday was his surgery, the very reason he was abandoned. (I don't believe they had any idea he was also a dwarf.) We are blessed to have a newborn picture of our sweet screaming baby. But to think a "simple surgery" which only took two hours changed the course of our sweet angels life.
Happy Birthday boys ~ we truly love you!
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
Cav was really still raging, and more wild child than son.
Can you believe he still had NOT had surgery for his legs - not for almost another month.
We had no idea his remaining tibia would be broken into 3 pieces and we would spend the summer in a cast with a rod ensuring he would heal correctly. We suspected but had no idea his casts would only last on average 10 days and we spent many days driving to Denver for replacements.
Although we knew he would amaze us we had no idea it would only take 48 hours to learn to walk by himself with his new legs.
We still had no idea that his funky hands were actually a manifestation of mild Radial club hands, and that he would need surgery to "fix" them.
Although this is about our two youngest boys I have to add we had no idea Fei's spinal cord was compressed and would require "emergency" surgery on her spine and base of her skull.
We had no idea Cav would blow through his first knee in mere weeks, his first set of legs in months.
We had NOT even met Tao yet,
and no idea our sweet angel possessed the most glorious dimples AND the sweetest personality.
If you have followed us for any time, then you know that it has been a hard year.
Besides 5 surgeries, 14 casts, and more therapy visits than I can count, we also learned to set boundaries.
Truthfully, it probably has been the hardest year of my life. Requiring the most personal growth I have ever experienced.
I laugh when I think back over the year and think "What the heck were we thinking adopting during such turmoil."
But more importantly, I can see that for much of the past year, God carried our family and me specifically. The rest of the time He guided me, molding and shaping.
And as we celebrate an absolutely crazy weekend.
I can truly smile and feel blessed.
Friday the 10th ~ Tao's hand surgery to remove his extra thumbs. We were very blessed that the surgeon was able to transfer the muscle from the "claw" to his real thumb (instead of doing the same surgery as Cav needed)
Saturday the 11th - I lost my mind and we somehow ended up with a new puppy (yeah we were looking for a kitten!)
Cav turned 5 on the 12th (mother's day) I shudder to think what his life would be like if he hadn't become our son. And I am thrilled to say those very hard fought words.
Tao turned 3 on the 13th. So special to celebrate his very first birthday with his family. It was also very emotional since Friday was his surgery, the very reason he was abandoned. (I don't believe they had any idea he was also a dwarf.) We are blessed to have a newborn picture of our sweet screaming baby. But to think a "simple surgery" which only took two hours changed the course of our sweet angels life.
Happy Birthday boys ~ we truly love you!
 |
| The boys and their puppy (post coming) |
 |
| How many littles does it take to put together a car! |
 |
| Big Brother's are great for going fast! |
 |
| Heehee now that's the way to ride in his new firetruck! |
 |
| Mom and dad searched HIGH & low for a hand powered ride on |
 |
| It's a little smaller than we thought but it'll work for this year You turn the handles back and forth to make it go forward |
 |
| I am so cute! |
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Tao's surgery
First I have been asked and I am sure I have not clarified here. Stinking baby goes by Tao - he knows his name is also Griffen however he won't answer to it. If you ask him if he name is Griffen he says "Nooooo, I TaoTao."
You would think with 5 surgeries in one year - several being major - I would be used to this.
But as usual I had my crying pity party this morning - as in ugly cry in the shower. Woke up and was freaked, so much so that my husband called the Pastor to confirm that encase something happened to our sweet angel he would go to Heaven.
Stinking Satan found a crack and split it wide open LOL.
It was his stinking dimples that did me in - the ones we never knew we had until we were sitting in China with our poor scared little guy and my goofy 14 year old made him giggle despite his fear.
THose gorgeous unexpected dimples showed and I remember the world standing still - until I scared him again and he cried LOL.
And this morning - I allowed stinking Satan in and all I could think of is never seeing those dimples again. That and could I really be so lucky to have 5 surgeries and no complications?
And it is so stupid - yes he is high risk (dwarfs are very high risk for anesthesia until they are about 5.)
BUT Denver CHildren's let me hand pick his anesthesthesiologist (the same who did Fei's surgery.)
Anyhow, got over my self.
And then had a fabulous day with my little man.
You would think with 5 surgeries in one year - several being major - I would be used to this.
But as usual I had my crying pity party this morning - as in ugly cry in the shower. Woke up and was freaked, so much so that my husband called the Pastor to confirm that encase something happened to our sweet angel he would go to Heaven.
Stinking Satan found a crack and split it wide open LOL.
It was his stinking dimples that did me in - the ones we never knew we had until we were sitting in China with our poor scared little guy and my goofy 14 year old made him giggle despite his fear.
THose gorgeous unexpected dimples showed and I remember the world standing still - until I scared him again and he cried LOL.
And this morning - I allowed stinking Satan in and all I could think of is never seeing those dimples again. That and could I really be so lucky to have 5 surgeries and no complications?
And it is so stupid - yes he is high risk (dwarfs are very high risk for anesthesia until they are about 5.)
BUT Denver CHildren's let me hand pick his anesthesthesiologist (the same who did Fei's surgery.)
Anyhow, got over my self.
And then had a fabulous day with my little man.
We had orthodontist appointments for the 3 oldest.
Tao was fascinated - and Tristan was his usual awesome self letting the baby
sit on his lap while they took an impression!
THen we took Cav & Fei to school and the big kids conned me into a sit down lunch
(we try to do the orthodontist over lunch time)
Love these two!
Then we dropped Morgan off at school and the boys conned me into playing hookie the rest of the day
So we went and got haircuts!
Heehee I think I am becoming soft in my old age LOL! Good thing it is the end of the school year!
Please keep Tao in your prayers in the morning. He is jsut getting his extra thumbs removed and possible the same tendon transfer Cav had (because really God has a sense of humor LOL!)
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
New mom goof
So when Tao's hand surgery had to be rescheduled (he and Cav were scheduled for surgery same day - God knew my limits LOL)
Anyhow, they asked if May 10th was available
I had a nagging feeling I had SOMETHING that week but what
hmmm,
hmmm,
yeah can't think of it so go ahead and schedule him.
Can you believe it took me until last WEEK to realize what it was!
Because now we have
Surgery Friday May 10th
Mother's day Sunday May 12th
CAV's BIRTHDAY - Sunday May 12th
AND Tao's
on
MONDAY May13th.
I swear mother of the year award this year heehee
Anyhow, they asked if May 10th was available
I had a nagging feeling I had SOMETHING that week but what
hmmm,
hmmm,
yeah can't think of it so go ahead and schedule him.
Can you believe it took me until last WEEK to realize what it was!
Because now we have
Surgery Friday May 10th
Mother's day Sunday May 12th
CAV's BIRTHDAY - Sunday May 12th
AND Tao's
on
MONDAY May13th.
I swear mother of the year award this year heehee
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
A step forward
Here is what I heard everyday from a certain little boy
As the time passed, the concept didn't change it jsut got longer.
Mom, I will be good today,
"oh I am so glad"
Mom, I won't scream in school today,
"oh good, because who missed out on fun"
Me . . .
Mom, I love you
"I love you too Buddy"
Mom, I need socks.
Ugh and that is where the problem lies.
And maybe I am the one at fault.
Because this same conversation (besides the screaming in school)
Happens all day long
WHEN HE NEEDS SOMETHING.
Mom, blah, blah, blah
I love you,
I need food or socks, or toy or any of a hundred other things.
And every time he says Ma, I love you I pray in that second it isn't going to be followed up by anything else.
And every time, we go over explaining to him that all he has to ask for is the item.
Am I thrilled for his language - of course,
Am I thrilled he even utters the words - ya betcha,
But still my heart breaks for him.
Until today when I heard
Ma, I need socks please!!
You betcha!!
As the time passed, the concept didn't change it jsut got longer.
Mom, I will be good today,
"oh I am so glad"
Mom, I won't scream in school today,
"oh good, because who missed out on fun"
Me . . .
Mom, I love you
"I love you too Buddy"
Mom, I need socks.
Ugh and that is where the problem lies.
And maybe I am the one at fault.
Because this same conversation (besides the screaming in school)
Happens all day long
WHEN HE NEEDS SOMETHING.
Mom, blah, blah, blah
I love you,
I need food or socks, or toy or any of a hundred other things.
And every time he says Ma, I love you I pray in that second it isn't going to be followed up by anything else.
And every time, we go over explaining to him that all he has to ask for is the item.
Am I thrilled for his language - of course,
Am I thrilled he even utters the words - ya betcha,
But still my heart breaks for him.
Until today when I heard
Ma, I need socks please!!
You betcha!!
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