Ugh I have shared before that I have only been back in the church for about 8 years. I am realizing that I have gaps in my understanding - interestingly it is helping me to understand Fei's gaps in school. Sme of the basics are just not there.
For the past couple months we have had a decision before us - but I keep feeling like god hasn't been there to answer me. No signs, no lightening bolts, nothing
And then the most Blessed experience happened. Our friends are taking a group to Uganda for a mission trip - we have felt very close to this trip although didn't feel called that this is where God wanted me. So we have tried to help during their prep time. They called to ask if they could borrow our big van to go to the airport. A little juggling would be required.
Anyhow, in the mean time another group member acquired a Bus however they would be required to pay for the gas and tolls.
In the shower, I felt the need to get them a giftcard for $300?!? Hmmm, maybe they could use the extra in the airport (for their daughter joining them). I kept thinking how much could it really cost for gas - I make that trip all the time. Maybe a $100 at the most. I kept thinking, and then life got in the way and I didn't get the gift card.
I saw my friend that evening and told her I felt I should pay for the gas. I asked her if she knew the cost.
You guessed it $300!
Ugh, and I realized the epic fail. God didn't ask me to think or question. I regret that He didn't just want me to give the money, but if I had given that giftcard without knowing the price, how much that would have shown them that God was in the details.
Today as I thought again about this I also realized God has been talking to me, whispering - He is actually right with me. He wants me to follow - I am learning, and realizing that slowly those holes are filling in.