Friday, May 31, 2013

Epic fail

Ugh I have shared before that I have only been back in the church for about 8 years.  I am realizing that I have gaps in my understanding - interestingly it is helping me to understand Fei's gaps in school.  Sme of the basics are just not there.

For the past couple months we have had a decision before us - but I keep feeling like god hasn't been there to answer me.  No signs, no lightening bolts, nothing

And then the most Blessed experience happened.  Our friends are taking a group to Uganda for a mission trip - we have felt very close to this trip although didn't feel called that this is where God wanted me.  So we have tried to help during their prep time.  They called to ask if they could borrow our big van to go to the airport.  A little juggling would be required.

Anyhow, in the mean time another group member acquired a Bus however they would be required to pay for the gas and tolls.

In the shower, I felt the need to get them a giftcard for $300?!?  Hmmm, maybe they could use the extra in the airport (for their daughter joining them). I kept thinking how much could it really cost for gas - I make that trip all the time.  Maybe a $100 at the most.  I kept thinking, and then life got in the way and I didn't get the gift card.

I saw my friend that evening and told her I felt I should pay for the gas.  I asked her if she knew the cost.

You guessed it $300!

Ugh, and I realized the epic fail.  God didn't ask me to think or question.  I regret that He didn't just want me to give the money, but if I had given that giftcard without knowing the price, how much that would have shown them that God was in the details.

Today as I thought again about this I also realized God has been talking to me, whispering - He is actually right with me.  He wants me to follow - I am learning, and realizing that slowly those holes are filling in.


  1. God does not show us the way in lightning bolts, but in the small still voice. If we are willing to listen, then he is willing to talk. Hard to listen at times because our will is so strong.

  2. my lightning bolt is sitting right next to me this morning!! Thank you for helping me see it - even lightning bolts gets missed!!!

  3. Thank you for sharing this. It's a lot of what I am going through right now... not waiting, questioning or thinking on it when I hear that small voice. Just do it. Drop the net. Follow me. Be part of God's great plan. But as the previous commenter noted, our will is so very strong. I often get in the way, but God will continue to invite me in to His better plan for my life, as He will for you.

  4. He is showing you he's in the details too :) don't be too hard on yourself. He's walking with us all.

  5. Unfortunately, we all miss it sometimes. I am just thankful for a loving merciful God that continually gives me second chances.

    What a testimony to you however, that you had that experience.

  6. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)