God's closed doors

Slam, slam, slam

The last several months have been a series of closed doors which we absolutely have NOT understood.

You see when we adopted Dawson we were scared to death, even a little overwhelmed by the number of kids - cuz really every time we turned around people would comment on how many kids we had.  It was odd, we don't FEEL

More than 3 times the kids most people have.

If you remember we just were surprised when Dawson's family backed out and our agency called us.

We himmed, and hawed, it seemed crazy at the time, but what a blessing that big has been.

We have had a few minimal issues which more have to do with spending 9 years in an orphanage than an issue with him.

We are just about a month away from celebrating ONE YEAR home with this boy!!

It's really hard to believe.

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Anyhow, in July I looked at an email that made my breath catch - identical twin boys with the names of my stepdad and one of hubbies Uncle's.  They aren't average names - but rather old ones.  THey weren't matchy matchy twin names, one was a name I had never heard except for the family name.

THey were so cute, had a significant but manageable SN that is very similar to one of our kiddo's

And the thought to reuse Dawson's dossier was born.

We prayed over these boys, hubby was NO!, I felt God telling me to be patient.

July disappeared, and mid August came before we even thought about discussing things.  CCCWA approved us for two on a reuse - open door right.

THen the ladybugs began to move into our bathroom.

The problem was they were with a different agency.  We asked if we could have them transferred.

We had hope, they led us to believe they would transfer the boys - so we wrote LOI in September.

SLAM, SLAM - oh it was heartbreaking.

It's strange, the only thing I can compare it to was when we had suffered a miscarriage - minus the hormones.

We had prayed for these boys,
we had envisioned them into our home,
we were scared but wanted to be obedient to His plan,
we had named them.

A month passed, the damn ladybugs still resided in our bathroom,
the call went out for a little boy with a major facial cleft.
There was something about him, but I had sworn I would NEVER adopt a child with a cleft palate (I do not view it as an easy SN).
We were all still mourning the loss of our twins,
I was trying to figure out what in the heck God was planning.

This little guys time was almost up with his agency (end of Oct.)
I asked our agency to request his file a week prior to the date.
We waited, with baited breath
AND then
SLAM.
Don't get me wrong - I love these boys have families, but my heart hurts for us.

I can almost still hear that slam reverberate in my ears.

Really God!!  I screamed from my knees, I have ladybugs now procreating in my bathroom, it's COlorado, it's cold why send me signs, why toy with me, let us be, let us enjoy our family as it is - go call on someone ELSE!

And THEN the baby ladybug showed up.

to be continued . . .