Bringing Home Holland: God's closed doors

Encase you missed it part 1 is here http://bringinghomeholland.blogspot.com/2015/02/gods-closed-doors.html

In the previous post I forgot to mention that while the ladybugs came I was also resigning with God because we have paid for the previous adoptions out of pocket. We are OUT of extra money. We have a kiddo starting college in 2 years - so truly the thought of adopting wasn't going to be easy as it had been before.

OK, onto the tale. For those that have not experienced it, losing a child that you have prayed for, named and envisioned in your family is very similar to the heartbreak and pain of a miscarriage - without the physical hormones. This child you envisioned in your family is NOT going to be joining you, what you thought they would look like as adults - you may never know.

As I went to my office and threw away the little guy with the facial clefts file, there was another file that was sitting underneath.

I am not sure I have mentioned but if we were going to adopt again it would not be an easy, easy child that would quickly find a family. Besides the fact it's like a stinking piranha field in the adoption community, our heart was to give a child a home that would sit for years.

So when I went to throw away the file of the child with the facial cleft, another file was underneath. The cutest boy I have ever seen - but his Sn was easy - albinism.

I am not even sure WHY I had his file, I remember requesting it, but not why.

My husband walked in at about that time, took one look at the picture and said "He is a dwarf."

Me - "No, honey, he is from China - he has albinism."

Hubby - "I am pretty sure he is a dwarf." he said as he walked out the door.

SO I pulled up my dwarfism growth charts - and checked, and rechecked. He plotted 50% on the dwarfism growth charts!!

But a child with dwarfism and albinism - it couldn't be possible. My dear husband always says there is a billion people in China - a one in a million birth defect (we talk about Cav) there are still 1,000 people with it.

The next morning I googled albinism and achondroplasia, then eventually albinism and short stature. As I read medical journal after medical journal, my horror for this child's condition grew. China had no clue what was wrong with this beautiful baby. Pieces from his messed up file began to fall into place - he had one of the rare OCA-ID or immunocompromised forms of albinism. It was a lot to take in.

I paid for an update, I consulted world specialists and we prayed. Could we take on a potentially terminal child? He had almost died from hand, foot and mouth the year before - losing all ability to walk or talk. Although he had regained many of these abilities - we had learned with previous adoptions not to trust the files. Even with the once a day shot in the US that would help his chronic neutropenia (think someone on chemo), he could potentially still die very young here in the US. I believe that he will not, but we needed to have a heart to heart with the kids. THIS time we wanted their input, that it would be ok, because frankly I knew that having a terminal child in the home could severally and adversely affect some of our children forever. From my research and contacting a few families with similar conditions - we knew left untreated he would probably die by 6 years old if left in China.

It was Brahm who said - "Mom, at least if he dies here we will be holding his hand and praying for him."

He was right, we decided to submit LOI on veteran's day. Once again he was with another agency (who doesn't transfer files.) I was so afraid a family would not do their research and adopt him having no idea of his true condition and then disrupt.

And we waited - third time had to be the charm.

Our agency came back and said the agency he was with said he had a family.

I didn't think this was right (it was our agency we used with Cav and Fei - they are liars). I did some asking around, no family. Our agency went back to China - this time having their male in country person talk to China. Again the other agency said he in fact had a family that was submitting LOI.

WE WERE DEVASTATED!

Although I was still praising God - I was done doing His work.

It is a blow that frankly I was done with. So much heartache with each NO, each time that door slammed, it reverberated in our ears, our hearts and through our entire family. It was not fair to us, but most especially to our kids.

I WAS DONE.

And the stupid ladybugs kept on living in our bathroom - when we were looking at the twins, I told God - bring me 2 and I will know they are ours - that entire time only ONE ladybug ever appeared. NOW we had up to 10 at a time, my husband was ready to call an exterminator - it's freaking November people!!

I hibernated, I gave up.

And so we prepared for the holidays - enjoying our family. Determined that it would be the best Birthday and Christmas ever for Dawson - his first with a family. We spoiled him, trying to make up for the years he spent without. This boy of ours who was such a delight, such a treasure, we almost missed out on because of fear.

No more kids, no more - our family was done.

And then . . . . on the morning of December 22nd, bright and early our east coast agency called. Wanna guess who showed up on their list -

I was in shock, I stammered through the phone call. I did NOT jump for joy, but was ticked with the other agency for lying and costing us 6+ weeks. I told her I needed to talk with our family, we had already told them that he was gone, someone else's son. I WAS IN SHOCK - I told her I would call after Christmas - it was just to much to process.

Yeah - it took us all of 2 hours to talk, agree and call her back. Luckily, China still had our letter to adopt him and they would ask if it could be resubmitted.

And then we heard NOTHING - ugh really God!

During this time, we were called for an emergency foster care placement. It was really hard because we knew if we said yes, we would potentially be saying no to him, and if we said no we would not be caring for a child who was in desperate need (we are talking life or death.) So we said yes to the potential foster care - figured out bedrooms etc. (this was over the week after Christmas.)

More than anything I want to follow God's lead NOT get in His way.

During this time, CHina was shut down and reworking their entire computer system.

The foster care placement did NOT take place, and the kids started back to school. . . . and then

We were told we had in fact received PA on Christmas morning (no one knew how to read or get into the new computer system.)

He was ours.

I have no idea why our journey was so long, so convoluted, all I know is God had a plan right down the the stinking ladybugs who have died down. I think the last flew on my shirt the other day and then disappeared. There are other parts to this God orchestrated story I will be telling in the next weeks - until then we have been working to expedite his adoption. We have 2 letters from Dr's saying he needs to come home quickly and start treatment.

It is our goal to get him home before fall so that we can boost his WBC and immunity before fall hits. For us that means we have little time to cut back, and save for this adoption.

We have worked hard on two ways to raise funds -

The first is a tax deductible FSP through Reece's rainbow (that was totally God's work too)

http://reecesrainbow.org/87800/sponsorkreb

and the other is we are making these great coffee cozies and China Cloth dolls - all money to pay for our adoption.

http://www.heritagekid.com