BUT I also know that I and we all have grown amazingly over the past several years.
Even when I tell the adoption stories for the thousandth time - I now find myself buffering the words with - I wasn't as far on my faith journey as I am now.
And we do tell the story, both the good and the bad. I feel the most important part of our journey (the one God has placed us on) is to share with others several key factors:
He doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called.
What does this mean. One of my very first blog entries was about finding a blog (to this day I have never come across it again) and simply it stated this ~
I am not a good cook ~ CHECK
I am not organized ~ CHECK
My house is not clean ~ CHECK
I don't particularly like kids ~ really? LIKE REALLY! me neither CHECK!!
I realized in that moment that anyone can adopt!! More importantly I realized WE could adopt.
All along I always thought I was not perfect enough, homey enough really NOT enough. (we have never been money people so that was never a deterrant for us)
Now as I tell the story of our kids I always include that part.
Then I get the husband part heehee - oh I would adopt but my husband would never agree to it.
Let me tell you - I prayed 2 long years for God to soften Chris's heart - that's it - that's all I prayed about adoption. I am not sure at that time I actually believed He could but I knew at the very least I wanted to have that little notch in my belt saying that we couldn't adopt because God couldn't change my husbands heart bwaahaa!!
Ladies! let me tell you my husband is the best dad in the world! He has come a long way in the last 14 years. But when I saw him today with Tao (mind you they couldn't be more different in size) I marveled at his kindness and gentleness for our son.
I don't think I have shared before but my husband was adament that we were NOT going to adopt again EVER!! THose were the early months with Cav and really he was destroying our home ~ figuratively and metaphorically. BUT oh I felt that urge that Tao was ours - the closest I can think of is that it was like my clock was ticking down. I had such a strong maternal instinct to bring that baby home NOW! - it was odd.
I found myself in heavy prayer, I wouldn't let the subject drop. I printed up pictures of the baby and placed them everywhere -a t that time we didn't even know if he was alive - (his file was a year old and with his list of SN ~ 50% die the first year).
Can I tell you that we were lucky and I do know that. This baby is the single best fight we ever had LOL! He is good for our family, he has shown us how easy adoption can be, he is good for our community. He loves fiercely and most especially his Dolly (heehee that's how they say Daddy LOL).
ALthough it's hard to remember but while we were in process trying to decide on Fei - we wondered how we could possibly love a child not born to us, one of different color and heritage. How could we do any of this.
You know I truly believe this is the part of God equipping us. We aren't particularly eloquent in our responses but we non-the-less have found our voice. We have found that parenting them is truly no different than our other kids, with more thought put into the why part. We jump like a momma bear when someone isn't nice. We really don't see color except the beauty it adds especially to our Fei.
And our bio kids ~ yeah I can now say the adoption has been the single best thing we ever did to our kids LOL! When our oldest was asked to share his testimony for FCA (he is a freshman) a large part was about our adoption. I believe our kids see the world as a much smaller place. When they read about other countries, they can envision poverty, and depression. This is NOT a facebook post about how amazing our kids are. However, the part that counts, way deep down that has been changed. In addition, some people search their entire lives looking for adoration they receive from their siblings.
My husband and I were happy to be quiet and behind the scenes. Now it never fails, people are curious and people ask questions. If we feel that adoption and having these kids in our home is our mission so to speak, then it is also imperative we speak about it instead of hide.
Perhaps, jsut perhaps our kids are a means to His true mission which is to call others to adoption.