Petrified

First and foremost, and although I eluded to it, I did NOT mention how absolutely TERRIFIED I was to bring an 11 year old boy home.  We have so many struggles with Cav that I could NOT in my wildest imagination think about adding to that stress.  We were ultimately obedient to GOD but now I realize the whole time I was holding my breath, not even really looking forward to the next step in the process simply because it meant we were getting closer to D-Day (coined that in every sense of the negative image it brings up.)

Of course I am ashamed to admit it now.  We were faithful but not really joyous and definitely NOT trusting in God's plan that He cares about us - ME - as much as He cares about these kids.  It's with tears that I write these words now.  It is with tears that I think about this boy who so many passed over  in the SIX years he was available for adoption.  Because adopting an older boy from an orphanage only situation has to singly be one of the best things we have ever done PERIOD.

That doesn't take away from our other adoptions, that doesn't take away from our bio kids in the least - they are ALL treasures.  But Dawson - it's almost indescribable (I know really helpful to say on a blog LOL!)

I don't know if it was the months of fear,
I don't know if it was because we thought of turning away so many times,
I don't know if it is because he only had 2 1/2 more years before he turned 14
and became unadoptable,
forever lost, without a name, a family, a connection.
I don't know if it is how he embraces each new thing,
How he rolls the word mama around in his mouth,
trying it out, practicing it,
adding it a little to late to the few words he knows.

It's probably a combination of all these,
plus the bravery this child has shown in changing everything he has ever known,
and still wakes with a smile.
Playing silly word games with his new brothers Ha-zhu (baby)
back and forth until I want to poke my eyes out.
Trying new foods,
learning table manners,
taking on the chore of sweeping the kitchen
and starting at his brand new school.

Our communication is lacking,
words only spoken through a translator,
but still he lets us tousle his hair,
rub his back,
and smiles, oh the smiles.

This isn't a unicorn and rainbows story, I know we will have our struggles.  This is more of a story of redemption - of MY growth, of learning God loves me as much as my kids.  That God knows the plans he had for Dawson AND for our family.  Of the pit in my stomach to think of wanting to turn back,  - away - because I thought that would be easier.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Catching up

Let's pray I can get this post up while the internet and blogger are both playing nice.

We finished up our time in nanning by going to the museum, which included meeting a fabulous women who makes the balls that you find in the region. She uses a stool that is 4 generations old.  She has taught her daughter how to make the balls as well as a few other students.  The balls she makes cost about 1000 rub and take 2-3 days for her to make.  She was beautiful and I was surprised she was 70 years old.

On Friday we flew to Guangzhou - getting in late in the evening. Momma mistake in not getting food at either airport and everything was closed by the time we got to the hotel.  Luckily I had some crackers and snacks and there was fruit in the room.  Dawson did fairly well - although we are in swing the orphanage fidget and the touching of everything in site.  I finally gave him the info card when he refused to keep his seatbelt on and the tray table up.  He likes to test the waters by saying no to me, but I give him the stern look and he is fairly cooperative.  I did tell him by translator if he didn't follow the rules the stewardess would make him get off.  Later I found out he was up periodically in the night playing the ipad or nabi (brahm saw him, I never heard anything even though we were in a small room.  So we learned 2 things - this boy needs his sleep or he is harder to handle, and we made it clear that I am in charge of electronics including the tv (he likes to switch channels constantly which makes everyone crazy.)

We had to take a bus to the the Tarmac and go up stairs that was fun with the crowd. 

Regardless, his reality is heartbreaking.  He came with so much stuff from the orphanage we went to walmart to buy him a,large yellow suitcase that is packed all of his possessions in.  When we got to the airport he almost was in a panic as that yellow suitcase was placed on the conveyor and it suddenly disappeared.  Luckily the guide was still there to explain we would get it once in GZ.  You could see the relief on his face as that bright yellow suitcase rounded the curve on the baggage claim area!

Checking into the china hotel - marriott I did realize that booking my points online and upgrading at that time saved me almost $20 off the upgrade fee over doing it at the front desk.

We also were given a rollaway bed, although truthfully they are both small enough to sleep on the coaches (brahm has claimed the settee for himself - the little dork!)

Like the weight and measurement with his shoes in!

Our first day here we went to the medical appointment.  We saw lots of other families and met some new ones - including a family with a little girl the same age as Tao - and has dwarfism!!

Dawson did awesome including his math problem lol. Then it was to trustmart for some supplies and shamanism island for laundry and a little shopping!

Today - Sunday we went to the church on shamanism island, and picked up the laundry.  It is raining but really it's a bit of a treat because it's a nice warm rain.  Many of the shops on shamain island are closed, and the people are not interested in making a ton of deals - which really I just don't understand the mentality.  It's almost April and already hot-  how many other people will be over to buy winter jackets in the next 6 mos.?!?  Ultimately we got pretty good deals on North Face knock off jackets for all of our littles.

We spent the past 2 days with our friend Claire who we met last year getting Tao.  She adopts children with albinism like I adopt kids with dwarfism lol. The boys are all close in age and get along great (for the most part).  Of course they Re 4 boys so they are loud but fairly well behaved for the circumstances!

This afternoon we are watching tv in the room as it is a torrential rain pour lol.  As I type brahm and Dawson are wrestling so I think it's time to find a new activity.

Liuzhou orphanage visit

I apologize - I am having a terrible time blogging using both the app and direct internet.

Our orphanage visit was not prescheduled like previous adoptions, and I about fell over when we were told it would be 1500 yuan to go.  I knew we had already paid for our driver for the day and put up a mild stink.  Lo and behold it was much cheaper and faster to take the bullet train.  Perfect.  They neglected to tell me we wouldn't be able to see the orphanage because it wasn't an official visit.  However after finding out the story of Dawson's best friend I knew we had to go.

And I have everyone beat lol - watching Frozen on the ipad - going through china at 200km/h while a very pale child belts out let it go lol in English!

This is what it looks like directly across from the orphanage!

Liuzhou is beautiful. It features the "cast" type mountains of Guilin without the water.  The orphanage staff met us at the train station and picked us up.  We were ushered into the front room, offered pears (I am allergic to apples and kept worrying I would get sick lol).  Everyone came in to see Dawson and meet our family.  He was the rock star of the orphanage they said.  He apparently went home with the director some evenings which explains a lot.

Then we went out front for pics, while the driver went off to the school to get Afu (Dawson's best friend).  Apparently he had an American family who wanted to pursue him ( I have no idea if that means they came to china or he was somewhere in the paperwork portion).  He was to scared and refused to be adopted.  Seeing his personality I can see that but it was almost like a stab in the heart when I found out he was 14.  I am thankful he is still living at the orphanage and being allowed to go to school.

Orphanage director and Brahm has Dawson's present for adult

These guys broke my heart. They obviously don't go to school and just want some love. They are covered in orphanage behavior scratches and picking. The little boy with DS broke my heart. 

I guess there ar 200 kids at the orphanage.  The older and apparently smarter ones go to school in town, which they take a bus to (or the driver takes them.)

When Dawson had to run in and go to the bathroom, I put my phone in Brahms pocket and he took a few pics for me.  That was the closest we got.  I'll post copies of the pics the staff gave us, but as far as a tour, we were told it wasn't an official visit and we normally wouldn't be allowed past the gates (fantastic!)

We were sadly ushered out before the other kids got home from school for lunch from 12-2 so we didn't disturb their nap.

So basically a strike out - except the teachers and really most of the staff seemed like the genuinely loved our son, and he was excited to see them too.

We went to the city center and Dawson had his first mcdonalds (basically because Brahm was dieing)

The area was stunning, as was the river walk 

We got back to nanning right at rush hour. I think we were all done but especially Dawson. 

He started crying in the car for afu - then started looking pale and sure enough barfed. I think it was a culmination of the heat, people and days events. I frankly was glad to see him cry as he has not grieved at all (and because typing is slow I will tell you he woke up happy this morning)

Our son

Let me just say that having an 11 year allowed to make such a life changing decision as being adopted is not for the faint of heart. We were at the notary, answered all of the questions and then were informed she needed to talk to Dawson privately. We went across the hall and Baum looks at me with pure white face and tears in his eyes - "do you think he is going to say yes mom?" Oh my heart. I about wanted to cry then too. 

The. On to civil affairs. We were there for hours but his teacher was there also - she remembered when he arrived. We found out he didn't cry when he was found. He wasn't walking. He didn't want to walk and would cry every time they tried to get him to walk. She said he didn't walk until he was 3 or 4. Three is about the delayed timeline for dwarfs. All clues towqrds trying to figure out his age. We found out a ton of other information  all which was very nice to have. 

He made his red handprint and signed the papers!!

They had an official ceremony and then pics after. The lady on the far right is his teacher and next to her is the civil affairs lady. Both extremely nice

Then we walked 3-4 blocks after getting back to the hotel - to a huge and very ritzy mall (the one next to the marriott nanning is closed for refurbishing)

We sat down at Pizza Hut and Dawson ordered spagetti. Let's just say he will need to be enrolled in mommy boot camp for manners lol. Even Brahm states at him with huge eyes!

There was a nice skating rink in the mall and Dawson was fascinated!

Not sure if you can see but they are using a hose and snow shovels to clean the ice!

We found this amazing grocery store  called Ole. Think an overpriced wild oats. A lb of cherries was 662 yuan!!  Still they had everything we do in the US!