Thursday, April 3, 2014


The song Worn by Tenth Avenue North has played in my head all day.

This non tech savvy mom really should have had a lesson on how to play music on the ipad.  I listen to Christian music almost all day long at home and so this has been the single most thing I have missed besides my family.

Let me say there are parts of China I love, the culture, the history, the elderly and the babies, the parks, will always have my heart but tonight I'm worn.

Tonight as we said goodbye to our friends and my 11 year old decided to lose it - I'm worn

I am tired of carrying my life on my back.
Of walking, or shoving into taxis always on guard.

I am worn from the absolute filth.
I am tired of men spitting,
People throwing trash at their feet,
I am tired of the cigarette smoke,
The smell,
the masses of people
And the traffic that has come within inches of an absentminded 7 year several times.

I am tired of the Haalo lady,
The hey Missy's and even the madam's.

I am tired of the dealing,
For heavens sake give me a fair price
Or let me go next door for a better business owners, we eat and breath capitalism.
I love deals but even I am worn.

I am tired of living with 2 little boys in a single room,
Of trying to get them to somewhat behave at every meal
Because we are in a restaurants.

I am worn from finding key cards,
Waiting for elevators,
And searching for chilled water bottles.

My heart aches for a boy who thinks I am a bank,
Who wants Disneyland and Has gotten it for the most part these past two weeks.
I am Worn from watching for the little facial changes indicating sadness,
I am worn from an 11 year old who says he is 12 and acts like he is 3

I am worn because I know even with these faults,
We are blessed by him.

I am worn worrying about home,
And missing my kids like crazy.
I am worn knowing that at least one of those kids
will make me pay for my absence with rages and tantrums.

I am worn from months of paperwork,
Of fighting to get to this point.

I once saw a post asking why Christians adopted.
It was a duh moment for me but I never really had the words to articulate the answer.
I know now.
Because the prayers of my village,
And God himself are carrying me home.

Now only an early morning,
Three flights,
Countless hours,
4 checked bags,
3 carry ons,
Countless presents for little ones,
And one family finally together.


  1. I'm sorry you are so worn, but I am glad that you chronicled it here because should the day ever come when that 11 year old questions your deep love for him, here it is on a page for him to see. Also here for him to see is that you already see him as a blessing. Praying for your safe journey home, dear friend, and that this time when you feel so worn will be short indeed.

  2. Thinking of you and praying for you! Hang in there Mama. {{hugs}}