Progress

All I can say is . . . WOW!

From being afraid of everything,

 not having a clue how to play,

pacing back and forth,

or simply hoarding every toy he could find,

LOST!

To THIS!!!

His Creation!!

I jsut want to scream from the mountain tops!

He IS playing!!!

And smiling!!

Sweet as Sugar!

Ok I feel like everytime I post about FeiFei I just gush over her.

Do NOT be mistaken, everyone gushes all over her - EVErYWHERE we go!

She is almost always happy and that little edge of sadness is slowly disappearing

She is smart - as in she speaks a ton of English

(momma make food?, eat your food stinka, school tomorrow?, and counts perfectly to 10)

She is about as sweet as a child can be!

I have to say (since we have 2 children with dwarfism) 

that a huge part of this is due to what we call the HAPPY GENE!  

 This is how she is ALL the TIME!

FeiFei sat on the list for over 5. . . YES FIVE MONTHS!

She was one of the only children not quickly snapped up from an adoption Camp!

Really!! really ~

Why because she is short!
she also has the absolutely cutest little tushie,
chunky thighs
and a spirit that makes her appear 4 feet tall.

If you have room in your heart, your family, PLEASe look at these angels.

The just sit even though several are under 2 years old!
 (and I am always available to answer questions, review files etc.)

CHECK OUT THE AVAILABLE CHILDREN WITH DWARFISM

Snow much fun!

Pics from our snowstorm over the weekend.

Daddy got to use his favorite toy - 

of course with this long driveway we would have been shoveling for days!

This is where princess was shoveling while entertaining FeiFEi and Cav from my last post!

Big kids working hard for their money! 

 Ok all I have to say we are hillbillies LOL!

Yes, we have a giant (as in ride on) triceratops in our front yard by the gate.

Daddy LOVES dinosaurs.

The kids spent all afternoon making this huge igloo!

Of course our absent minded professor put on tennies eventhough daddy placed his boots next to the front door!

Hot cocoa in their igloo

Aspen - or as our newest additions call her - Asy-pan!!  She loves the snow!

Of course Gracie only stays to the sidewalks - she is FeiFei's favorite! 

Little man came out to play once it warmed up!

SUnday Snapshot - snow giggles

Our big's spent almost all day in the snow, building forts, igloos and playing with the dogs.  Those pics will come later, but I jsut had to share the littles.

We realized we weren't quite prepared for them and the snow.  No boots for  FeiFei, no gloves for either, and oh what to do about Cav.

Then I asked princess to shovel the balcony and sent the littles after her.  They stood in the doorway and watched.

FeiFei ~ our little seaside girl ~ picked the snow right up and ate it!

Cav ~ hated it, the cold on his hands, the thought of eating snow everything.  But for a kid who screamed at the plants less than 2 months ago it is understandable!

They both laughed at Princess as she fell backwards into the huge pile!!

Sorry for the bad pics, but they were just to cute not to share!

Snow Day Valentine's

Yep we got dumped on last night.  It looked pretty bad all afternoon but by bedtime it was jsut a small dusting.  We woke up to NO SCHOOL!

After two hours of arguing, spending time in their rooms and me calling daddy to see if I might be able to venture out ~ I had an IDEA!!

Yep, Valentine making time for me and the kids!

Little man surprised me and decided on these awesome you break my heart which we found a fabulous printout online.  Of course coloring them all became an issue but some leftover cake seems to have helped with motivation!

We settled on darling orgami heart necklaces for princess who isn't allowed to bring candy and there are 52 ~ fourth graders.  Although we do have the option of making only 26 for her immediate class.

I did FeiFei's after she found the bubbles at Tar-Jay yesterday.  I got a little stuck but then saw the darling whale in my MDS (from Stampin Up) and made up these cut cards which I think I will put the bubbles in little baggies and attach them.

She of course sat with Princess and played with her princess cards.  I was a little worried about how I was going to explain a snow day to her and no school but she was thrilled to have her sister home!

And although our big boy is way to big for Valentine's he was a great sport and agreed to cut out little mans hearts!

Heehee, gotta love him using kiddie scissors - love this kid!

Prayers answered!

What a down right stellar day!

I didn't realize the stress I have been carrying on my shoulders.

For those who don't know, we actually discussed disrupting Cav's adoption in China.

 I tell you this because a recent discussion on RQ has brought to light that we should have discussed WHAT if's ~ even the crazy impossible ones BEFORE we left.
Not when we were sleep deprived and couldn't provide the basic essentials for our family.
Not when we somehow lost sight of God in a land without religion.
Not when Cav was trying to destroy the room
official offices
or taking out little man.

Why you might ask would we even contemplate disrupting his adoption?

Cav has significant leg issues, we knew that, we researched it BUT it is a 1 in a million birth defect and he is affected bilaterally!  I am to bad at math to know what that equals, but know only 30% have bilateral tibial hemimilia.

THen we saw Cav, and I immediately saw that both his hands were also affected.  All FOUR limbs!?! THe chance of having a genetic disorder now affecting his limbs was exponentially higher.  THIS meant he had a very high chance of having organ issues.

We NEEDED to discuss if we could care for him,
we NEEDED to remember that this was still the child that GOD sent to us,
we NEEDED to realize that GOD knew what we could handle when we reviewed his file,
HE knew we would have looked at him with our humanness not trusting in HIS plan
knowing full well that HE would take care of this child He had already moved mountains for.

This is what we saw ~ 

An ODD looking hand 

No muscle below the thumb

A primal raking grasp

No pincer grasp

Minimal strength

This is what God Saw

 Today we learned that this "defect" that seemed so large in the midst of China,

THe one Satan used so incredibly well to turn us away from our purpose,

Is minimal,

May need surgery,

SOMEDAY!

We learned an incredible lesson that we will carry until we meet our Creator.  

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 

Matthew 19:26

Mastering the past

The further along our adoption journey the more I realize that I have NOT . A . CLUE!!  Thankfully, the internet has opened up a whole new world for us.  When I was going to get my Master's degree, I learned that the secret was not what I knew but knowing where to find the answer.  I have found adoption to be very similar to this.  I thought I knew a lot about raising kids, I have 3 the oldest being 13.  I have a child with special needs, as a nurse I cared for more babies and kids then I could even count, I even taught maternal child classes.

People, I do NOT have a clue!!

This adoption has turned my confidence upside down.  Don't get me wrong, this is NOT a post about how terrible things are, because quite frankly they are going pretty good.  THis is about me, about my belief that I had my sh~t stuff together!

What has brought on this post?

THIS!!

Do you know what it is?

My youngest will be 4 in May?

Why would I have to drag this out of the storage room?

Do you see the teardrops along the side?

Because frankly that is how I feel ~

Do you see those incredibly sweet, dark eyes?

Almost 3 years later THESE eyes now look back at me every night

Every night when I give him THIS ~

Yep, against everything I KNOW!

Cav, saw a bottle AND freaked 

Not a bad freak but such a craving freak.

Like when us Moms . . ok ME . . has a bad afternoon and NEED chocolate.

That was the look on his face when he saw a BOTTLE!

It was heartbreakingly sad.

 So against everything I had ever learned, I searched on RQ to see what other moms said and some very wise women said it might be good for bonding.  I went and found the oldest formula I could find (heehee and read the directions since we never used formula at my house and in the hospital it comes premixed LOL!)

He gets a bottle before bed, I hold him like a baby .  .  .  ok a very large baby, and talk to him so he will look in my eyes.  At first he desperately drank at the bottle.  Again with the heartbreak.  You could just tell that he never grew out of the bottle it just disappeared one day.  Now he'll drink what he wants and we leave the rest.

He still doesn't know how to actually hug,
He wipes off my kisses . . every single time!
But we have a special time,
and a very small part of me feels like I am fulfilling a need from long ago.