Getting our girl back

OK before we begin lets get a few things clear - I am tired of the judgement, the negative comments and the expectation from a few people that adoption is only unicorns and rainbows, because it's NOT.  Adoption is messy business, and if people had written about the difficulties we would have been more prepared when we went to get Cav.  In addition, I don't particularly care what YOU think about how many kids we have - let me ONLY say we can afford our children.   God did NOT call us to adopt because we were perfect, oh no we are the most broken of his people.  However, we answered His call believing He would give us the resources to walk this journey.  I am taking back control of MY blog - If you leave an inappropriate and judgmental comment you will deleted.

I really stopped blogging last year when we had to take this little girl out of school for very poor choices.  We home schooled her, and she became my shadow.  

(I also learned I suck at homeschooling LOL)

With everything we have gone through with Cav, I was shocked we were seeing the same things from her.  The worst part was she had the most loving foster family - to a fault, they didn't prepare her for adoption, and in fact when the SWI called her back they both (Fei and foster mom) both threw such a fit, they returned her until we arrived in China.

When Fei was 5 months home and had enough language she looked at us and said "China momma no come get me?"  For 5 months she looked out the window everyday waiting for the woman she loved, to come get her.  As she got more language, we learned that the foster mom had told her to get in the car and don't cry, that she would come get her shortly.  Oh my heart hurts to hear these events.

And then we made THE biggest mistake of our lives.  See she is our best sleeper and our most mild tempered child - so we put her in the room with Cav.

AND she began acting out worse and worse, and we were at a loss.

And a vicious cycle began until that day last February, when I pulled her from school.

And then I read a FB post that said to NEVER have a RAD kid share a room EVER!

So we changed rooms, and made her the cutest little room out of our library loft.

And summer came and we had some pretty desperate times.  A trip where I should have, could have, would have but didn't.  I began second guessing myself as a parent - 2 kids with major issues - how could I survive this God.  That trip brought me to my knees.  

But we saw glimpses of hope.  

So we made the decision to send her to a much smaller school, where the kids looked more like her and the days were centered around her native language (she didn't remember anymore.)  And we made a pact, if she worked hard, and relearned Mandarin then at 18 we would pay for her to return to China.  (we had always tried to explain that her dwarfism prevented that as an option.)

Almost a year later, I dare say we have our girl back.  

It has been a journey, we have both grown from it.  

We have given her a voice, and a confidence to walk away from those hurting her.  

We have gained her trust that we won't leave her and she can tell us when someone is hurting her.

Although this year has been hard with Cav we learned we were not crazy when we suspected he was victimizing her - telling her over and over how no one loved her.  Talking her into stealing for him, until she lost herself.  

Oh my heart hurts to even write this.  

And I know what you are thinking, but even the teacher at school, who is aware, missed him doing this at school ~ twice.  He is very quiet, almost under his breath, and almost like a hum type mantra.  We missed hearing it with the highest tech monitor in their room.  All we saw were the results.

I SHARE this because others need to know this - I refuse to allow this girls experience go for naught. 

And yes she is an orthodontists dream LOL!!

Halloween catch up

Not sure if JBF - just between friends - sale is national but man I love that sale!!  Sell old items, barter for an early shopping pass and buy amazing items!!

Besides getting lots of school uniforms for our kiddos attending the Mandarin immersion school - I found all of these except Fei's (well she got a beautiful snow white costume but that didn't meet the theme.)

Heehee Dawson's English teacher pulled me aside a few days before Halloween as he told her we made him a potato LOL!

And Morgan went with all of her friends - who were all princess's.  I just couldn't see spending tons of money and time making a ball gown she would wear once so this was our compromise - Belle before!

Halloween was a crazy day - as our family has gotten bigger, I have had to change how I do things.  

I have backed down to being room mom for only one class. 

 I was super excited to help out my friend whose daughter is in the am class because they were IN CHINA getting their son!!  So two parties for preschool meant missing the harvest fest at the mandarin school but we sent "pumpkin" cups made from butterscotch pudding and green airheads for stems (apparently I didn't get an pics LOL!)

 Tao and Cav's class got mummies made from squeezey apple sauce and were super cute 

We also changed up how we did Halloween - I know horrors.  Our oldest had a football game at 7 pm (2 hours away)  In addition, because we have so many food and begging issues with Cav and Fei we thought having them go to doors beg for food and get candy was … well. . . insane.

So I got them pizza, made them each up a treat basket with candy, bracelets, pencils etc and they got a NEW movie.  Plus kettle corn because our Chinese kids especially LOVE popcorn LOL!

It was a crazy hard decision but ultimately they loved it, we got to go to the game and watch our oldest, and Brahm got to be ball boy for the varsity game!

Tak is #53!

Blessed

What a Blessed day we spent yesterday.

It was Tao's first Halloween and that boy is a rockstar.  None of the fear, or overstimulation we experienced with Cav (He did well also which was the truest blessing.)  His little personality shined as he commented and talked with each new homeowner.  I have to believe my little fisher of men renewed people's spirits and brought them joy.  He is also the biggest class disrupter but how blessed we were that our teachers love him and encourage his presence.

I finally broke out the sewing machine after 3 years and made them all outfits

Made minion marshmellow pops for 3 classes (Cav's class only did healthy belch heehee)
These were super easy and when I had to race home was quickly able to make 5 more!

THe preschool party was an easy success and all the littles had fun!

Cav's party was earlier than last year so i got to just be a mom in his class!

Our little class disrupter

Brahm's cute teacher loving our baby! (and yes I lost my mind and let them purchase a fart gun!)

I still haven't figured out the big family thing completely.  With 3 ~ I always made the special snacks, was room mom and made outfits.  Reason would stand that with twice as many I could do half as much but truly God has blessed me in still being able to provide my momma's desires with joy and not feel overwhelmed or stressed.

Halloween is always a bit different for our house - mainly because we live in a community that has all 5 acre plots of land.  There is an official don't come to our doors rule for our community.  Luckily, every year we are Blessed by friends who recognize this and invite us over - THis year our bigs went on their own with friends - which was bittersweet to say the least.

It was fun though to be at our friends home and open the door to squeals from the children, the laughter and sense of community as the streets were filled with children and even the community firetruck came by.

Today in bible study a friend uttered such profound words.

May we always knock on God's door with the eagerness of a child and utter anticipation everything He gives to us is good.

1st day of school

Ha!  people ask us all the time if we homeschool and frankly I commend those that do but my children hardly listen to me when it comes to brushing their teeth.  Also our littles REALLY need to be out in the world as much as possible we believe.  Advocacy for them will perhaps be the greatest tool we can teach them.  Brahm not so much - but Fei will be little as in her adult height will be similar to her current peers (1st graders).

We are so blessed by our school - and most importantly we are blessed by our teachers - they LOVE our kids.

So although it is a whole new year, we have all the SAME teachers except Brahm.  Everyone else moved up into last years teachers.

For littles this has been amazing, I didn't have to coach the 1st grade teacher about Fei's needs, she had Brahm last year.

The kindergarten teacher knows we don't treat our children as disabled - we expect them to do the same as their peers to the best of their ability.

It was amazingly an easy morning, especially since the 1st grade teacher took me aside and warned me the bathroom locks hadn't been changed (fei can't reach them to close the door.)

So we have a freshman, a 6th grader, then 2nd, 1st, kindy and preschool (who starts next week but didn't want to be left out!!)

Tao starts next week but we didn't want to leave him out!

Gorgeous girl ready for 1st grade!

Handsome 2nd grader!!

Cav had issues this morning about taking pics, and it was past time to leave

But I was able to snag a phone one from class!

World Dwarf Games 2013 part 1

We have been MIA and for good reason!

Almost 4000 miles in the car with 6 kids over 3 weeks.

But despite some of the typical, we had an incredible trip.  Since I can't find the photo card from the beginning of our trip I will blog backwards.

THe highlight of our trip - and the reason we planned it in the first place was the World Dwarf Games!

WHAT!! ~

400 participants from all over the world ranging in age from 3 on up.

A week worth of sports

At MSU for the 30th anniversary

And the most amazing athletic Little People I have ever encountered.

We really went for Brahm - it's been a tough year.

We signed up Fei and Tao for the Futures division since we were there.

We didn't know what to expect, we thought little people ~ really how athletic can they be.

It was SHOCKING!!

But lets start with our littles - the futures division was 6 and under.

We did Track and Field, Soccer and Kurling.
Since this was international competition we had to make the decision in May!

We wanted to get Fei off the couch - instead she got the taste for Gold AND rocked it!

They both got medals, & made a ton of new friends from all over the world.

But I will let the pics tell their story!

Opening Ceremonies!

Little man dead last but also the youngest!!

The littlest athlete!

On her way to a gold - with friends cheering her on!!

All American Athlete!

A taste for GOLD!!

Hugs from new friends - because although we were there for the sports, the friendships will last for years!

Onto soccer - Tao wasn't the biggest fan LOL!

His idea of running down the field was to hold his arms straight out until someone picked him up!!
Pretty sure he was DONE at this point!!

But Fei got it - Cheers after scoring a goal!!

MSU soccer players coached and referred -
UMM, yah think you could run me to the other side?!?!

New friends became his biggest fan (ok besides mom and dad!!)

Updates

Ugh packing up all our crap and then moving back into the house is taking forever!

BUT we have been back home for over a week and feel blessed that we were not affected by the fires.

For the most part our kids did fabulous  - Cav lost his mind but it took a few days.  We kept looking at each other (Chris and I) waiting for Mt Masuvios to blow.  A word of warning, the longer it takes the worse it can be.

We kept going over and over about being a family and staying together BUT the change in routine, surroundings, daddy and my stress all mixed together for the daddy of all rages ~ in public of course.

Although people came close to us while we were trying to strap him into the stroller (after kicking Tao and Brahm with his legs OWWW) no one confronted us.  We normally jsut leave, but both our older kids had championship games in Lacrosse and frankly we are tired of changing our plans to accomodate one little boy who hates the world (not that he doesn't have a right to.)

I think that is the hardest, people see Cav's legs and are horrified if we discipline him, or tell him no and make him act like the rest of the kids.  BUT he IS part of a family now.  It is not fair to the rest of the kids if we bowed to him, and besides his destroyed soul Cav's SN has been basically fixed.  Versus say another one of our children who is degenerative.

Anyhow, we strapped him into the Bob stroller as he screamed his fool head off, and thanked God that Tristan games was the very far field so we could park Cav in the field jsut over the berm and walk away (we could still see him).  We kept repeating to his demands "Once you stop screaming".

Since Cav's only commodity is school - he did not get to go on Monday.  It's just summer school and their programs are all fun based (not catch up summer school of my days.)

When his teacher asked I explained school is our commodity and it is only for good boys.  How refreshing for me that she GOT IT!!  Of course it would be easier for me to drop him off, get rid of him for a few ours so to speak.  However, someone once told me that all children have a commodity it is my responsibility to find it.  For Cav, he couldn't care less what you feed him as long as he is full - and if he isn't he will sneak it.  Sitting in his room, he doesn't care, but oh school now that is what gets him.

ANyhow, this all happened Father's Day and the week after.  Hubby only has Sundays off, and for as long as we can remember Cav has melted down on Sundays.  It makes us all not want to spend time together - but I refuse to allow us to take the easy way out - even though it is waring.

BUT he did it - this SUNDAY he didn't scream, he didn't rage and we all complimented him on how fun it was to have him join us.  I am REALLY praying that he is getting it.  BUT we have learned to rejoice in the small things.

Ok enough on our struggles.

We had a crazy busy week!  We are homebodies.  We love being home, we love jsut hanging out.  Last week we had more people at our house than probably the entire year so far LOL!

My dear friend Jodi - whom I have met her older kids but not her.  She came AND brought her newest littles!  Oh how we have prayed for Howie who is now Hagan.

We enjoyed them all so much we hoped they would come back which they did!!  TWo big families, lots of kids and really they all did so well together!!

2 families, 5 littles, 8 adopted (+1)

She has the cutest pics EVER! of Fei and Hagan (he asked to come back and jsut get a pic of him and her - isn't that so sweet.)  Although I am wondering if he was shocked to see another little brown person!

Check out her post here! 

Then we had 3 friends come up to the house - 2 live here and 1 is a FB friend who followed our journey to Cav and Fei and then adopted their beautiful girl Daisy!

Truly an amazing week, adoption brings families together and makes them instant friends!

Toothless

Brahm and Fei are jsut over a year apart by birthdate (we think she is more like 6 months younger than him though.)  Anyhow, we have a lot of visits from the toothfairy lately.

I left a lot of people hanging when Fei threw her tooth in the garbage.  I was horrified, mixed with utter sadness.

I don't know WHY it hit me so hard.

Sometimes the stupidest things do.

Then one day in the shower (it's the only place I think anymore LOL)

It dawned on my imperialistic self.

In an environment where food is hard to come by, and children barely have toys ~ there jsut IS NOT money for such ridiculious dreams as a tooth fairy.  It's jsut one more day.

I am beyond thrilled now that I get to experience this first with my princess!

Love my two toothless cuties!

Of course since I also have teenagers I jsut hear the chaching of the 

orthodontist bill when I look at these two LOL!

Opened door!

I think the hardest part of being a parent of a special needs (do you know how long it took me to use that terminology?)  child is the sudden unexpected breaks in your very own heart.  When Brahm was a baby they came more often - perhaps because milestones also come - more often.

Encase your new or read a thousand blogs (like I do and then get all the kids confused) Brahm is our youngest bio son who was unexpectedly born with a rare form of dwarfism (different than Fei and Griffen).  He is our heartbreak - yes out of all of our kids we find the most personal heartbreak with him.

Because he is our bio son?  I don't think so
Because he has been with us the longest?  I don't think so
Because I carried him and some how I am 'responsible' for this?  It took many years of prayer to realize he is wonderfully made despite me but this was a huge hurdle.
those are possibilities I always keep in my mind BUT

He is our heartbreak because we know that his body will never be as good tomorrow as he is today.  AS the time ticks by so does the function of his little body.  Physically, I mean ~ as in grandpa joint pain in a 6 year old.  As the season's pass we see him with more pain in his little legs.  Soon, our vivacious little boy will need the help of a scooter to get around.  It has already been suggested but we can't even imagine our boy with such a love for sports and all things boy admitting he can't.

So we look for alternatives, we use medication and we bounce idea's off of our friends with way more knowledge in body mechanics than we have.

We start Brahm way early in sports because we know by the time he will be old enough to really play - his body will let him down.  We want him to know what it feels like so when he coaches or even jsut cheers he will have an idea.

Brahm started skiing at 18 months.

Everything bought in the smallest sizes we could find and still to big.

He is a phenomenal little skier.

He has gone down a REAL hill ONCE.  It was a disaster and I had to carry him down the rest of the way.  The leg pain was jsut to great after half the hill.  He could do it in his mind - and I will tell you this boy of ours rarely complains of a pain that would make most people stay in bed.  When he looked at me with his big eyes behind his ski goggles and the tears rolled - my heart broke.

So we go where they have magic carpets or even his mother has been known to trek him up a hill so he can ski down.  But my heart broke for him knowing his days were limited on the slopes.

We have been praying for an answer for over a year.

And that answer came in the most roundabout way!!  You jsut gotta love God!
At our last amputee team meeting they discussed Cav and their ski program at Winter Park, CO.  I decided to google it even though he is 4 - cuz really it's Cav LOL!

As I read through their site - disability ski & snowboarding I thought of Brahm - there were options!!  Was it possible that the answer could be as simple as our boy trying snowboarding?  (We make all our kids ski until 7 and then they can try snowboarding (mainly because I do NOT snowboard and lessons for snowboarding start at 7).

Well, since yesterday was a holiday I finally decided to be brave and take all 6 kids up skiing by myself (thank heavens we had friends who we were meeting but this was a huge step for me.  AS in on my knees begging God that this would be easy.)

Big kids spent the day skiing/boarding with friends and Brahm went to snowboarding school!  That's right Copper mtn has snowboarding lessons for younger than 7 AND equipment that fit him!

Midday - I couldn't stand myself and hiked over to the boarding school to sneak a peak on my boy- oh that sheer moment of joy that a mother feels when you see your child doing something you weren't sure they could AND he had no pain!!  let me repeat HE HAD NO PAIN!!  now I am not naive enough to think it might because of the adrenalin but I am hopeful enough to think this might be an answer for our little dude!!  He did well enough he is ready for the chairlift next lesson!!

AS for the rest of them!!  Well, we realized Fei only had her squeaker shoes so we ran out the night before and found these little gems that actually fit (kind of LOL!))

Fei & Griffen LOVED the snow,

 watching people come down the hill

 and of course the food mommy brought!

My dear friend who loves on our kids like her own,

 and I was able to run to the bathroom without taking the herd with me!

And the biggest praise it was a gorgeous day!

You can see Cav pouting in the chair.  He doesn't like change in routine and being woken up at 6 am to go skiing was hard for him.  BUT we met a fabulous grandpa who was a double amputee and paraplegic who came and talked to Cav.  We were able to show him a sit ski in action and he seemed interested.  Thankfully, he perked back up about 3 and was able to enjoy playing in the snow and being with friends!

Another First

It's funny, I almost have to look at pictures to remind myself that Cav and Fei were not here last Halloween.

That is until we talk about Halloween and trick or treating and they give me their stare of confusion.

Yeah, lets see we dress in funny clothes, go door to door, and ask for free candy - who's the orphan now!

Anyhow, it is times like this where we are seeing the biggest gains from Cav especially.

He used to freak in a crowd, unable to filter out the noise, activity and people touching him.

We have had a melt down everytime we have gone to a large event but now not until the end when we are leaving.  I think he works so hard to hold it together that when we are done so is he.

Most people are well meaning but have no idea the effect touching him, picking him up and hugging him has on his central well being.  It breaks my heart, and usually I am ticked at the constant people who jsut don't get it.

Really, I have determined that touching and hugging our adopted children is almost as intimate to them as if I were to pick up their child and breastfeed them.   

I wonder why the people can't see the look of confusion on their faces.  But these people are also aren't enough "in" our lives to see the meltdowns later.

Anyhow, that brings us to this afternoons activities.

We carved pumpkins. . . CAN I jsut admit, I HATE pumpkin carving - or atleast the tactile part of the cleaning.

It's slimy and makes my skin crawl.

 It dawned on me - this jsut might be how Cav especially is feeling in crowded places, being touched.

Heehee I even bought the stick in face pieces hoping that would be enough - but NOOOO!

THey cleaned, they carved, and even our little ones had fun, being outside, together, laughing.

The giggles by far outweighed the tactile issues

And really there is nothing funnier then Cav determining if this was a treat or not!

I have to say this was a great First for our little ones!

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