We have him

He was there when we arrived early. They didn't want us to see him which was awkward but he was happy to see us. Recognized us from pics. I am praying this is a good sign that he wants to join our family. 

He and Brahm are 2 peas in a pod. Brahm is so excited I am sure he is annoying the crap out of Dawson. He repeats a ton and knows a few English words. So far he is easily redirected and sensitive to voice tone

They had fun playing ipad and are now watching pleasant goat. It really is different getting an older child. 

His future sized shoes are gone and he chose the kerns we brought over the crocs

Brahm stands taller but Dawson sits taller and probably was triple what Brahm does!

Oh and the van cracked me up. 

It was like the consummate swag wagon. Between that and the disco music in the elevators I feel like I have transported back in time!

FeiFei - 1 year

Sorry, things are crazy here and this was supposed to go up the day after Cav's.

FeiFei came to us after a 5 hour car ride and stopping at 3 other hotels to drop off the other cildren she had traveled with.  Wanna talk about a disaster waiting to happen ugh!

We would find out months later (June) that her foster mother must have said something to get Fei into the car that made her (Fei) believe this was temporary and she would be coming to get her.  Wanna talk about a disaster waiting to happen ugh!

We had been told when we got LOA (in Sept) that FeiFei had been returned to the orphanage awaiting our arrival (you know in Dec).  Apparently she threw such a fit (or the foster mom did) they returned her until the "big black car" came.

So a beautiful little girl arrived wearing 4 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, a thick coat, with her hair all done up and two huge bags full of vitamins, food, candy, toys - you name it.  And we were puzzled.  She was 3 hours late and Cav had already made himself at home (this would become an issue later and a warning to other dual adoption parents.)  ANyhow, it was dinner time, we were already in shock over Cav, but had been awaiting our princess.

The kids were so excited!

Fei was beyond frightened.

The orphanage workers were tired.

THey gave us all of her information in a matter of fact manner in our cramped little hotel room, and then left.  No sooner had that door closed then her wide eyes turned into alligator tears - she ran for the door - and the most heartbreaking guttural scream came from her little body.  (I had to go with them to get something and I heard her in the elevator).  I was heart broken as those elevator doors closed, praying the other 4 would be able to calm her (daddy and our 3 bio kids).  Iquickly finished my work and literally ran back to our room.  All was silent.  I walked in and our poor terrified girl was sound asleep on our daughter - all f her clothes on, her fingers tightly clenched around her backpack.

I prayed, and slept, and woke, and prayed.  All night I prayed for this little girls heart.

Morning dawned, she looked at us, we handed her food and she. . . gave us a weary smile.  When she saw the big kids & Brahm she smiled big and really things have not slowed down from there. 

 We know that people with dwarfism seem to have a happy gene, and we saw this with her.  She has a zest for life,  that exudes from her very pores.  Her signature smile draws everyone in and all of my months of worry about her disappeared.

And jsut like Cav, no story is always rainbows and unicorns (although she is pretty close LOL)  We know we are blessed.  Cav was so hard and Fei was so easy that she got lost in the shuffle a bit.  What I know now is that we had to really llok for signs of distress in her.  She presents "sad" as acting like a "normal" child - meaning her smile isn't quite as bright.  We have learned to use her pearly whites as our signal LOL!  The happier she is the brighter her smile.

When she was very recently home and I pulled out her book from China (half the sky) she cried and I held her.  But it was hard on both of us, so we put it away for a few months.  The next time was much better.  In June, I found her in her room crying.  She finally said - my China momma no come get me. . . dis my family?  Oh I was crushed.  All those months she must have woken up thinking that today might be the day they were coming.  

We talk about CHina momma alot (foster mom).  It's funny the things that jog her memory.  We have decided to make it a natural part of our conversation.  I have noticed within the past month she really hasn't talked about them so we will see.

She was the child who bawled giant tears when I walked in the door with Griffen.  I had to sit on the stairs with her and remind her - "we are a family, Family ALWAYS comes home."  I think it really was a defining time for her.

Feifei likes food - ALOT!  This has been really our only issue with her - that and her lack of movement which doesn't help with the food issue.  She will still sneak some food, and feels deprived if anyone else had food left on their plate.  She gained almost 5 lbs while I was gone (and this was with instructions not to overfeed her.)  I know, you all can think I am mean BUT her short little legs carry a lot of weight and I would hate for our vivacious little girl to be wheelchair bound or need surgery early because of her weight.  So, I make up everyone's plates and then serve them - Cav needs extra, Brahm has terrible eating patterns, and I give Fei a normal child size serving.  We also talk about focusing on her food instead of zoning out.  Also we try to get her to move a little more.  I am talking about sitting in the same exact spot for hours if we forget.

School - FeiFei was a child who related going to school with a family - so she started prek shortly after coming home.  I had to jump through hoops but luckily got her into the one at our church.  She was completely on target when she came home.  Her teacher finally pulled us to the side and asked if her birthdate was correct - we don't know.  She said well by birthdate she is the youngest and by fine motor skills she was the msot advanced.  She thought Fei was closer to 9 months when found not 3 mos and we concurred.  We won't make any official changes but it helped to decide on sending her to Kindergarten.

I have to tell you this girl in the social aspects is a rockstar.  Everyone loves her!  Academics are coming slowly.  Some concepts she has no issues with and others she can't remember at all!  Our biggest struggle is her freezing when she is questioned.  She gives my this wide eyed look like I am an idiot for questioning her (whether in trouble or how many apples are there.)  We are slowly getting her to understand it is ok to answer even if she doesn't know the answer.

Health - besides her scary surgery she is doing awesome!  She will still probably need her tonsils out but I am putting it on the back burner for a bit longer.  Her breath still is bad, but her snoring has decreased significantly.

There is a special bond with our 3 children with dwarfism.  She and Brahm immediately hit it off as they did with Griffen.

She is truly a blessing and brightens everyones day.

Cav - 1 year

Ya'll can ignore these next few posts if you want LOL but my memory is so bad and this year has been so life changing, I wanted to document in one place
(I recognize that the negative is longer and more detailed than the positive but I never want to forget how bad those first months were and truly how far he has come.)

Today on 12-12-12, will be the one year anniversary of Cav stamping his hand in red ink and becoming our son.  In the days to come, we will have still had reservations if we had made the right decision to bring him home.  Would he destroy our family? Were we equipped to handle his extra special needs?  Was this fair to FeiFei who was actually the "first child" we chose to adopt?  and a thousand other questions in those dark first days.

Our first week was a rollercoaster and exhausting as we had to go to FeiFei's city (2.5 hrs each way) but had been smart enough to leave most of our luggage in Jinan and spend the night.

The hotel we stayed at was a business hotel which must have seen very few white people.  We were the freak show.  It did not help that Cav threw food, screamed, and hit constantly.  We went to a museum and the guide finally told me that they don't discipline their kids (I had left where we were at and took him to the bathroom because he had thrown another temper tantrum.)  In talking to her I realized that the biggest difference is that they have ONE child.  When I had one child things were very different.

By Friday (our last day in JinanI was done
* we were charged for "overuse" of the towels since I wiped up a beverage Cav had spilled
* our guide never thought we needed to feed our kids
* we had paid a 500 RMB bribe for Cav's passport to be on time
* the pillows were literally made out of straw

We prayed that getting to Guangzhou things would be better.

They weren't.

I was sure by then that we were dealing with institutional autism.
*he screamed terrified of the plants
*he screamed terrified at the bronze statues (yeah shamain island was fun
*he screamed terrified at any animal that walked by
* he had explosive diarrhea and numerous accidents (thus the name stink)

We gave ourselves 3 months - this was our safety net.

We arrived home Dec 23rd.
THings were still super hard but they would even get harder as I would come down with pneumonia AND what they think was the Norwalk virus a day and a half later.  I wanted to die.

This is how we found him our first morning home - heartbreaking

And him seeing the man-eating cat which saved us as he roamed the house at night

 AS January dawned we tried hard to find the precious boy we had prayed for all those months.  We had marveled at how incredibly adapt he was at moving despite the fact his legs were useless.  By medical standards he shouldn't have been able to stand on the longer leg - but he did.

We slowly, started focusing on how to make him a little more comfortable, treating his chronic giardia, and make him all around healthier.  Lots of Dr appts.

February we saw the first glimmer of hope.  We noticed one day he had lined up the train tracks - he actually PLAYED!

He had already started school by that time as I knew I jsut couldn't do it, he needed regulation and so it was school or daycare.

I found this one day and cried - they are a picture of our boys

He was still hard - we had to constantly by on guard as his manipulation skills (which helped him survive) were incredible, along with the triangulation and mommy seeking (not me LOL).  On the other hand he was very much a baby.

March - Connected child came - I got a last minute seat and only was able to go one day but it gave me enough hope to invest in Cav for a little longer.  We changed our original deadline to after he had healed form his surgery.

We were seeing tiny steps forward AND he had finally stopped terrorizing our other kids - so we no longer feared for their safety.  We stayed home a lot, it was jsut easier then having to deal with his fits.  My kids dreaded when he would come - even to their games because he was either mommy shopping or screaming.  At home he was stealing, lieing and destroying.

June dawned and he had his much anticipated surgery.  Everyone asks how we prepared him.  We talked often about him getting shoes and showed him dolphin tale.  BUT living in an orphanage where he was very different was probably the best preparation.  He jsut wanted walk, he wanted feet and most importantly he wanted shoes - yeah if that doesn't make you cry thinking about it.

The stinking kid left the hospital less than 48 hours after double amputation surgery!  When people would come in - he would ask if they wanted to see his owie (they would look horrified, but I would smile and nod yes.)  It was his IV he wanted to show them.

EIGHT long weeks in casts as they had to place a rod in the remaining tibia to straighten it.  We went back to Denver new casts about every 10 days.  BUT we began to see a new boy emerge.  We finally began to fall in love with our son, the resilience of the human spirit AND he finally calmed on the mommy shopping LOL!

THis will always be my favorite picture of him - our on guard child looked up and found peace

By Sept - exactly 9 months to the day we signed for him - he received his first set of legs.  Holding onto the parallel bars he got up and walked.  My step dad who was in Vietnam used to talk about POW's reviewing things like golf or piano in their heads while in captivity.  Once they were released they could play beautifully.  THis is our only explanation for Cav besides God.  His gait was perfect, he walked alone in jsut 2 days and he hasn't stopped since.

He also became a brother

His fits have calmed and we can now talk him through it.

Everything he should NOT be able to do he does.  He is so inspirational

THe newest is of course adding Griffen.  Cav is born 5/12/08 and Griffen is 5/13/10.  Griffen seems to have given Cav a purpose.  We are seeing him sit and play with the baby, he will come get me when Griffen is done with his meal.  I am in shock and disbelief that the child we almost didn't bring home because it was jsut to hard in those early months, is now the glue.

AS for language - Cav had almost NO mandaring - they call it alingual.  He didn't say much of anything for months.  We learned partially this was because of his very high seratonin levels (also why he was on guard sleeping those early months).  All of a sudden in May he started talking like crazy.

We think he is at about a 3 year old level (which is awesome since we had to start at newborn when he came home.)  I am not sure if he will ever completely catch up after so many years of "neglect" but I do have hope.  Today one of his classmates said Hi, Cav and without prompting Cav said Hi right back!!

 THings aren't perfect and we still have a long way to go, but a year later we are no longer wondering how long he will be with us.  We have embraced him warts and all LOL!

Alive & well

We finally can get online and post! What a trip! We just got to our final destination city - Guangzhou, china- where the US consulate is. We have had the kids not quite a week and have traveled almost the north- south length of China. I will post more about the trip later but I know that you are wanting to know about the KIDS!!

FeiFei is an absolute doll and charms everyone we meet. She is smart and talkative. She loves to perform, is prissy and just a jewel. Her gotcha day was rough though. They traveled with five kids by train 2.5 hours plus picking up the kids etc. then it was decided the kids would be brought to the hotels and not to a central location. FeiFei was the last to be dropped off. She arrived wearing 4 pairs of pants, a thick jacket, a turtleneck, and sweatshirt. We thought she weighed at least 10 lbs more! We were handed to bags stuffed full of cookies and treats? Apparently when she was returned to the orphanage in September she pitched such a fit they returned her to her foster parents. So not only had she spent all day traveling ( it was now 5:30 pm), watched 4 other kids gotcha day, and had just left her foster parents that morning - once she realized we were the "mama & baba" for her she screamed a blood curdling scream that wretched my soul until she fell asleep. Oh how I spent that night praying, my heart hurt so much for her. My head knew it was for better but how my heart hurt. When morning came she woke with her beautiful smile and has filled our hearts with her laughter.

Cavanaugh arrived arrived shortly after to 2 last Sunday. He was all smiles and we were amazed at how agile and fast he is despite his significant limb impairment. He apparently got sick on the way and his multiple layers were covered in vomit ugh. He arrived with a male caregiver who was awesome. He barely cried and we had a great time with him until FeiFei came. The next day we saw his caregiver again and spent the day with them again as we finished his paperwork. We really had no choice about this. His caregiver had to be in his mid 20's and was very nice to him but also gave into Cav's every want. When we said goodbye at the end of the day you could see that his caregiver was very shaken and I think that this affected Cav more than we may ever know.

The next few days were as close to hell as I ever want to come. We were warned before we left that Satan hated adoptions and if you remember cavanaughs adoption was totally a God thing. I am ashamed to say how easily we forgot to go to the foot of the cross during our time of trouble but in a land so vast and without any form of religion we faltered. We did have to search our souls as Cav's hands are also affected (we were unaware of this) and decided although this might be harder than we ever thought he was our son. Please keep us, him in your prayers - we have seen prayer calm him and help us.

We have affectionately named them Lilo and Stitch.

Now let's see if I can upload some pictures!