Glory

I LOVE EASTER  for me it is like New years Day - the beginning of the year.

Nothing is more glorious than the resurrection,
and as the day progressed I was assaulted by the people He uses.
THose that are not worthy.
Have you been watching the Bible on TLC?
Folks, of God can use Paul to do His work
then you better believe He will us YOU and I.

Surrender my friends,
as my new year dawns,
I hope to follow His path,
WITHOUT reserve.

Because of the importance I feel for His resurrection,
I am a freak about clothes.
I totally know that He doesn't care,
but I want to come to Him in our finest.

And since my figure isn't so cute to dress,
I dress our littles
and then bribe them with food and treats for pictures.
I know roll your eyes I am a freak LOL!

Actually I picked out the little boys pullovers and Morgan did the rest!
I love Fei's orange don't you!

We got through pictures before Cav lost his mind.
He screamed and tantrumed the rest of the day.
I had to laugh as I went through other blogs,
and read over and over about others from hard places,
doing the SAME!
Atleast I knew he was normal.
It's hard on our other kids,
but this year we kept reminding them Jesus died for ALL of us.

Saturday Little man learned what Easter Egg hunting was all about

One of these Buggy?

WHAT! There is CANDY inside!

Yeah, that is all our little sugar elf needed to know!!

AND she had it down pat!!

Cav has enough use of his fingers to pick up the eggs

And Morgan was sweet enough to keep a hand on him

so he didn't fall over when he tried to get them off the ground!

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Our NEW family picture

If you LOVE one please let me know!!

Love Tao in this to bad everyone else was asleep!

THis so shows their personalities

 (heehee Morgan had to be photoshopped as her dress was over her head when she jumped!!)

LOVE this kandid shot!!

And Mr Dimples

They all received

a book,

an outfit for spring (workout clothes except Fei)

popcorn

and SUNGLASSES!

Grandpa (my Uncle bought them all bunnies - so sweet!)

Blessings all for the upcoming year - 

may it be amazing,

and may God use you for His Glory!

Good Friday Hope

If you have followed you know Good Friday service has been very influentual in our lives over the past several years.  Before that, I would sit and absorb the incredible music from the full strings orchestra crowded upon the stage of our little church as the chancel choir performed Requim.  I would leave in sadness.
But I never really GOT IT.

Two years ago I understood the darkness,
the lack of Christ which resulted in our moving forward with Cav

Last year it confirmed our decision to move forward with Tao.

THis year was different.
As the pastor spoke of Christmas Eve and the one night of waiting until hope arrived.
And Good Friday and the darkness
and waking up Saturday ~ to DARKNESS
and going to bed on Saturday
not knowing what Sunday would bring ~ MORE darkness
or the light of redemption.

AS the Christ candle moved further and further from the alter
and the darkness descended

ALL I could think about are the orphans.
Not about the babies laying swaddled in blankets
hoping someone would find them in time.

NO, all I could think of are the older orphans
who go to bed each night wondering if tomorrow will bring them hope.

Hope of a future,
of consistent meals,
hope for education,
hope of belonging,
of eternal salvation.

And my heart aches.
Whether these children's "Good Friday death"
was as a newborn,
a month old,
even several years old.

WHEN will be their resurrection?

WHEN will they find the hope?

Spring Break

Cav had surgery the Friday before Spring Break, actually he and Tao were supposed to but Gd was smarter than me and knew that would be the death of me.

However, I did NOT make ANY plans for Spring BReak because of the surgery

AND our natives are restless LOL!

It's funny, most of the time I don't feel like I have a big family,
MOST of the time, I don't feel like we have an 'odd' family.

BUT Spring Break has brought out those two facts 100 fold.

The restless natives forced me to quickly call our prosthetist for a next day appt and a FUN family trip in our over sized VAN which BTW doesn't fit in parking garages and this momma forgot about until we hit the little swinging bar and then had to BACK UP the monster van ugh!!

Anyhow, Cav's legs are a little more even, and we spent the day at the natural history museum with our friends who met us in Denver.

Then we went to the kids favorite Casa Bonita  - the food is slightly better and they had a blast showing their friends around!!

For all of those Cav fans out there - I was so proud of him today.  We brought the double stroller, and I made him stay in it most of the time so he wouldn't get knocked over.  ANYHOW, at one point the noise, heat whatever got to much, he laid back, we closed the sun shade and he chilled.

He did NOT scream
He did NOT cry
he chilled
and this momma is jumping for JOY!!

FeiFei is mispopularity and has had a ton of playdates.

Cav & Tao can con jsut about any unsuspecting adoption loving momma out of their phone!!

Awesome new space exhibit at Denver natural history museum

Painting with friends!!

Surgery

Wow, we are home, rested and reeling.

You know when you plan in your head how things will go AND THEn, that is not really reality.

Cav was scheduled first thing in the morning - to avoid any food deprivement issues and he did great.

We had a fabulous nurse who I had already talked to about Cav's story.  I knew we were at that particular surgery center to meet that particular nurse because God needed us to be.  I hope someday to find out how HE has used our sons journey!

We took Cav in his PJ's so we didn't have to deal with the legs issue - daddy carried him in and we left the legs in the car LOL!

That's where the fun began, cuz a double amputee having surgery on both hands leaves . . . yeah doesn't leave a place to secure his ID band!  Finally, I told her his short leg still has the condyles and that she should be able to put the band on there.  Placing an IV left even fewer choices LOL!  I knew they had a rough time when I saw him in recovery and the IV was in his neck.

We took pictures of his hands,

talked to a thousand people (my husband who usually doesn't do surgery wondered if they thought the answers were going to change LOL!)

and then took him back to the OR.  

THis is where we saw the fight in him that helped him survive the orphanage.  SO heartbreaking, but the anesthesiologist was incredible and compassionate.  I quickly whispered to him that his soul has worth and that he was loved.

Recovery - well that was heartbreaking.  We kept telling him he had a family and that we loved him.

But he was panicked and we couldn't figure out why.

Then my super bright husband realized it wasn't his fingers he was worried about - it was his legs.

After we showed him his legs were the same as when he went in he calmed.

The kid required enough pain medication to kill and elephant.  They weren't going to let him leave. 

I finally said - look he is coherent, and awake.  I pulled out my nurse card as we still had to drive through Denver and didn't want to get caught in Friday rush hour traffic.

As we were leaving everyone kept mentioning how we were going to meet the storm.  I was more worried about someone barfing in my car.

Then I got home and it clicked.  My Aunt still needed to drive back home to catch a Tues flight to see their brand new grand baby.

It took an hour to pack her up, gas the car and send her on her way.  We were sad to see her leave but thrilled that she would beat the storm!  Please keep her in your prayers as she drives the rest of the way today!

And in typical  Cav fashion - he figured out how to feed himself.  I was crushed to realize that he didn't wake me or Brahm (we switched him into BRahm's room so he could come get me if Cav cried out) but went downstairs to sleep on the couch.  I pray he will learn to accept our help through his month in casts - although he is already more independent than i had thought!

His hands

Our journey is coming full circle,

AND I didn't even see it sneaking up on me.

Regardless of age,
when you meet your child for the first time (ok maybe not the big ones LOL)
you look them over,
counting fingers,
toes,
learning about them,
the uniqueness of your own child.

But sometimes that discovering comes with great sadness.
It wasn't the 9 toes
or the misshapen feet.
We were ok with the knee that just hung.

But the hands
oh his hands would become the catalyst to some of the hardest days in my life.

Those hands that were odd,
a thumb that looked like a finger
thumbs that were jsut as wobbly as his knee.
ALL unknown to us.

I spent hours on the internet researching
in the fog I remembered that 4 limbs affected = a syndrome.
And the scars
and the bruises.
In the dark days of China
I worried of syndromes.

I now realize that without the hands
we would have been in a very different place
with him.

Would we have bonded faster?

And then home,
hands that didn't function,
unable to push a wheelchair,
or a walker.

Hands adapted to a raking grasp
instead of pincer.

And many Dr's all with different answers.
A year, 5 diagnoses.
and FINALLY an answer.

Tomorrow we fix those hands.
A journey of 15 1/2 months
And a lifetime of soul work.

THis is not a misprint, you can see the thumb muscle lacking,
- the long finger like thumb
- The extra space between his first two digits.

Toothless

Brahm and Fei are jsut over a year apart by birthdate (we think she is more like 6 months younger than him though.)  Anyhow, we have a lot of visits from the toothfairy lately.

I left a lot of people hanging when Fei threw her tooth in the garbage.  I was horrified, mixed with utter sadness.

I don't know WHY it hit me so hard.

Sometimes the stupidest things do.

Then one day in the shower (it's the only place I think anymore LOL)

It dawned on my imperialistic self.

In an environment where food is hard to come by, and children barely have toys ~ there jsut IS NOT money for such ridiculious dreams as a tooth fairy.  It's jsut one more day.

I am beyond thrilled now that I get to experience this first with my princess!

Love my two toothless cuties!

Of course since I also have teenagers I jsut hear the chaching of the 

orthodontist bill when I look at these two LOL!

A step forward - Cav

I look back on our adoption process and think of how blissfully naive we were especially in the adoption of Cav.

A surgery, some prosthetics, a little time and we would be golden.

Little did we know that the steps that really mattered - the ones to fix his soul would be long and hard fought.

But they are coming - tiny steps but they are appearing.

Today (cuz I can't sleep LOL)
we went on our usual all family breakfast after church.

To Cracker Bill's (as Brahm called since he could talk LOL)

Cav had chicken and dumplings and I had ordered extra grits because this is the closest we can come to his congee.

Anyhow, he was slopping away on his church clothes so we fashioned a napkin around his neck.

THis set him off.

We sat there, on the edge of our seats, keys located, encase we had to make a mad dash to the car
with a screaming, raging child.

He pouted but cried quietly to himself ~ impressive in itself.

We continued to eat and talk (daddy is only home on Sundays so this is our family time.)

Reminding him if he wanted to join us he could replace the napkin and eat his food.

He whimpered and cried quietly for a while longer

AND THEN ~

He did it.

The child who would rage for 4, 6, even 8 hours despite every effort to help him to stop
turned himself around,
replaced his napkin
and ate his food nicely.
AND the grits ~ blech!

We continued on without missing a beat eventhough everyone was in shock (including the other kids).  Once we left, we congratulated him on joining us and mentioned how fun it was.

Now we are working on being caring!

Sunday Snapshot ~ {DOUG}

Yep, this momma has officially gone of the deep end.

While out getting bunny food at Big R with one particular older daughter, I got conned into . . .

A very smiley,

chick fitting,

DUCKLING

who they named DOUG!

And since I was taking pictures of Doug

While the brooder pen was being cleaned

I got these guys (the name starts with a W but I forgot)

BUT they have the best feet ever!!

So there you go,

One very sweet, 

and seemingly smiling

DUCK

named

DOUG

who we actually hope is a girl.

AND 25 chicks

EGGS ANYONE!!

Cultural difference?

No cute pictures today as I lay here and my heart hurts.

The right of passage and it was thrown away.

FeiFei lost her first tooth.

It's been wiggly for days and with as much as she obsesses* over things we thought it would be out quickly.

Between school pickup and dinner it came out.

We all cheered.

We looked for a baggy to put it in.

But where was it?

In the garbage can

And my heart broke just a little bit more.




* the obsessing - I have talked to other moms and we aren't sure if it's a Chinese thing.  She messes with her hair, messes with her nails, her cuticles, shakes her fingers.  So odd

Mighty of spirit

Our little man Brahm blasted through all the stereotypes,

 and statements anyone ever made of his tiny little self.

Our 32 POUND

Six year old

WON ~ 4th in the Colorado state wrestling competition Saturday

and WON ~ 2nd in the rookie division!!

Dude had some fierce competition - 

wrestling a full bracket of kids

 6 years or younger and under 37 lbs!

Little studmuffin weighing in at a whopping 32 lbs

Loving his huge 4th place trophy!

We were there for 2 days - it was ridiculously long

Waiting for their turn

Brahm has the headgear on top!

Big brother coaching him!

Losing was hard but little man fought against kids 37 

and even heavier on Sunday as that weight level was increased to 39 lbs. 

 He did cry but it was a great lesson for him too.

I was proud he even went out against much heavier kids and did his best!

And I am most proud of this ~ our community.  

Because who really cares if a scrawny little six year old wins or not?

I look in this crowd and see face after face of our village cheering on our little man (and holding Tao LOL).  They cheered, high fived and made him feel like a true champion.

I don't know how long he will be able to wrestle,

or even walk.

But I know that this picture will be one I pull out in the years to come and show him,

HIS village cares and loves him, 

FOR HIS HEART!

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And this one ~

Besides carrying Brahm, and coaching him, (and eating all our food LOL)

He had his time to shine ~

No headgear with green shoes

He did NOT place, coming in 7th 

BUT

He fought HARD!

He went toe to with his mental nemesis

AND

He finally learned to lose with grace.

I couldn't be prouder for both my boys,

and my littles who joined us,

and the ones who stayed home, 

AND Cav who came for Sunday and did NOT freak out in the crowd!

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,