Today was the culmination of our terrible first days in China. I didn't realize until last night that we have basically been holding our breath for almost 3 months - wanna take a gander at possibly why connecting with Cav has been jsut a little harder?!?!
To catch you up we had NO IDEA that Cav's hand were also affected. In the dimness of that horrible time all I could remember was 4 limbs affected meant we were no longer looking at a one in a million birth defect BUT more likely a syndrome.
It was confirmed today ~
His "defects" crossed the midline of the body,
This meant
A syndrome that could affect the -
Kidneys
Eyes
and . . .
HEART!
Let me tell you we were specific on what we COULD and could NOT handle. I have met some incredible people who are heart families, I stand in AWE of them everyday. We pray for their kids, we learn from their unselfishness, we ARE NOT a heart family.
And now we just might be.
.
.
.
And we stand in faith. Truly I do not know how anyone can go through this without faith - and I am not saying that to get in an argument, frankly, I don't have the strength. I say that because the human parts of me are so lacking, so heartbroken.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
And did we see grace at every step today. I hate even talking about this part of adoption because I don't want people thinking we made a huge mistake. This 3 year old is NOT a mistake, he is our son. My heartache tonight is no different than the heartache we felt after finding out little man would have dwarfism. It is a sadness for what this child of mine will have to face.
Many have asked if I am mad China lied, and truthfully, I once again see it as God's grace. I know myself, and I know if everything was laid out in his file we would have quite simply said "NO!" And this little boy would never have experienced his very first school pictures, with a momma who never buys school pictures buying the whole pack - shelling out the money jsut because they are his first AND he looks so cute!
For tonight I will drown my sorrows in a bucket of Blue Bell and tomorrow we will face life head on trusting in Him.
To catch you up we had NO IDEA that Cav's hand were also affected. In the dimness of that horrible time all I could remember was 4 limbs affected meant we were no longer looking at a one in a million birth defect BUT more likely a syndrome.
It was confirmed today ~
His "defects" crossed the midline of the body,
This meant
A syndrome that could affect the -
Kidneys
Eyes
and . . .
HEART!
Let me tell you we were specific on what we COULD and could NOT handle. I have met some incredible people who are heart families, I stand in AWE of them everyday. We pray for their kids, we learn from their unselfishness, we ARE NOT a heart family.
And now we just might be.
.
.
.
And we stand in faith. Truly I do not know how anyone can go through this without faith - and I am not saying that to get in an argument, frankly, I don't have the strength. I say that because the human parts of me are so lacking, so heartbroken.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
And did we see grace at every step today. I hate even talking about this part of adoption because I don't want people thinking we made a huge mistake. This 3 year old is NOT a mistake, he is our son. My heartache tonight is no different than the heartache we felt after finding out little man would have dwarfism. It is a sadness for what this child of mine will have to face.
Many have asked if I am mad China lied, and truthfully, I once again see it as God's grace. I know myself, and I know if everything was laid out in his file we would have quite simply said "NO!" And this little boy would never have experienced his very first school pictures, with a momma who never buys school pictures buying the whole pack - shelling out the money jsut because they are his first AND he looks so cute!
For tonight I will drown my sorrows in a bucket of Blue Bell and tomorrow we will face life head on trusting in Him.
Thanks for sharing this. We have the same situation, only with "brain." We were not a "brain" family and now we are. China lied to us too. A lot. We turned down two "brain" children because it was too much for us to think about handling. God showed us... :-)
ReplyDeletePraising God that He knows what is best for all His children, whether grown up or not. And trusting Him to carry you through. There is a softness in Cav's pictures that wasn't there before. You can tell from his eyes that progress is being made.
ReplyDeletePraise God for bringing your sweet boy home! Amazing where God takes us, eh? :) Praying for y'all! Thank you for sharing !
ReplyDeleteYvette I know God holds u both in his hands. Praying for clarity and strength
ReplyDeletewww.beccashope.blogspot.com
Love,
Jenny
We committed to our little Shanghai princess last fall knowing she had Spina Bifida but you know what China* didn't tell us? That she has such severe clubfoot of her right foot that girlfriend can't walk! They FINALLY sent us full body shots that showed just how severe her turn-out is and now I see why she gets so worn out and must sit to rest.
ReplyDeleteOk, girl I am actually smiling like crazy right now and I must sound like a fool but I have to tell you *THIS* is where Cav's story gets REALLY good! ~*THIS*~ is the part in the story where you turn into the mamabear and the miracles that your holding onto hope for are going to start happening! I cannot wait to see this young man ~BLOOM~! Spring right around the corner and so is the next chapter of HIS LIFE! WOW! And we have the honor of seeing the miracles happen! WOOO!!! I have goosebumps!
We, too, have had the discussion of possible syndromes but nothing certain. I understand the ache and uncertainty of not knowing what this all means. Just know that each of you are in God's hands and whatever He brings you to...He will bring you through. Praying for all of you!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman and you have amazing faith to see you through this. I know that doesn't change the sorrow of knowing what your child will have to go through, but it does mean that you know that your family will not walk this road alone. I'm so sorry that this is the news. You guys will be in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThis has happened to us also, finding out more special needs than we thought but as a Mom of many (7 adopted from China) our heart baby was the easiest one. She had major CHD, blue as a blueberry when we got to China (her paperwork stated that she had a small ASD). We came home and after a few tests, she had open heart surgery and was home in 3 days. She is now an active, beautiful 12 year old that I am so glad we didn't miss out on. I am so glad that her paperwork was wrong......amazing how how God "worked all things together for good" right before our eyes.
ReplyDelete