Ok, I am jsut going to say it - there are parts of this process that scare me!
I have spent countless, and I mean countless hours worrying over the logistics
I will have 5 yes FIVE kids - we don't even particularly like most kids, and FIVE - what am I thinking! I stress in public here, people DON'T LOOK DOWN! I have a child with dwarfism, he IS SHORT! What - and I mean WHAT am I going to do with 2 LITTLE spitfires. I am having nightmares of them running in opposite directions, while trying to run after them with our youngest (who is bigger than the 2 littles) in my arms because - oh yeah- he can't walk!
I am afraid FeiFei won't like our princess who has prayed for a girl. She won't want to do girl things, won't want to have her hair done - do you know how many bows we have bought!
I am afraid all the smoke will cause my lungs to become a total wreck
I am afraid little man will be in horrible pain due to the cold weather
Did I mention I am afraid I will lose someone
I am afraid our guide, rooms, flight etc will be a disaster
Heehee, my husband is afraid I will say something and end up in jail and HE will have 5 kids to himself
I am afraid I will miss an appointment, not have the right paperwork, or run out of money
I am afraid I am being a burden to others, that one of our hundred pets will die while we are away, it'll snow, the house will catch on fire . . .
I AM AFRAID my new kiddos will think that our family is the worst thing that has ever happened to them!
I AM AFRAID . . . they won't like us
There I have said it - for the whole world to see.
And then I hear once again the song Courageous by Casting Crowns. I LOVE this song, I will probably listen to it for all 18 hours we fly.
I have spent countless, and I mean countless hours worrying over the logistics
I will have 5 yes FIVE kids - we don't even particularly like most kids, and FIVE - what am I thinking! I stress in public here, people DON'T LOOK DOWN! I have a child with dwarfism, he IS SHORT! What - and I mean WHAT am I going to do with 2 LITTLE spitfires. I am having nightmares of them running in opposite directions, while trying to run after them with our youngest (who is bigger than the 2 littles) in my arms because - oh yeah- he can't walk!
I am afraid FeiFei won't like our princess who has prayed for a girl. She won't want to do girl things, won't want to have her hair done - do you know how many bows we have bought!
I am afraid all the smoke will cause my lungs to become a total wreck
I am afraid little man will be in horrible pain due to the cold weather
Did I mention I am afraid I will lose someone
I am afraid our guide, rooms, flight etc will be a disaster
Heehee, my husband is afraid I will say something and end up in jail and HE will have 5 kids to himself
I am afraid I will miss an appointment, not have the right paperwork, or run out of money
I am afraid I am being a burden to others, that one of our hundred pets will die while we are away, it'll snow, the house will catch on fire . . .
I AM AFRAID my new kiddos will think that our family is the worst thing that has ever happened to them!
I AM AFRAID . . . they won't like us
There I have said it - for the whole world to see.
And then I hear once again the song Courageous by Casting Crowns. I LOVE this song, I will probably listen to it for all 18 hours we fly.
I know this song is for husbands, but it gives me power. I love the watchers on the sidelines part as our families slip away. i don't care what anyone says that speaks volumes on adoption of SN kids to me.
And I realize I can do this with HIM!
Recently, there was a discussion on international adoption and non believers. I know in my heart I would NOT be courageous enough to do this own my own! I am so blessed that He is there either leading the way or carrying me.
I feel for you completely with each and every one of these thoughts. I have heard this same song, as I too have had days where I am paralyzed with fear and what if's. But, God gives us these moments of courage to know that with Him we can make it through!
ReplyDelete*Praying* for your TA and His perfect timing for both of us. ~Angie
Everything will be great! Don't let the Enemy put negative ideas in your head. :) With God ALL things are possible!!!! :) Once you get your two new treasures, it'll all slide into place and be second nature. You can do this!! :)
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see you with your two new sweeties! :) I'll be praying that everything goes smoothly (and you don't go to jail ;))
Jennifer
*Momma to 3 at home and 2 Henan cuties
2Tim 1:7 is a scripture I claim often. "For I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind.." I really like the sound mind part ;o)
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be awesome. I am right there with you..I have checked my paperwork 20 times and still woke up at 5 a.m. with a pit the size of the Grand Canyon in my tummy.
Praying your darlings are here soon.
Love that song , maybe it is for husbands , but it speaks volumes to me . I needed this as we pray about adopting our 4th time , many fears ,but we know if we dive into this again , it is His plan and He will take walk the path with us , just as He did the first 3 times . Judy
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