Heartbroken

I finally got a call this morning from our agency.  

First let me say that the director has been gone, 

BUT we found out our article 5 dates were NOT correct.  No one knows or is willing to admit to why this standard 2 week process took us a month rather then the standard 2 weeks.

Our article 5 paperwork was not even delivered to the CCCWA until 10/22 (a full month after being cabled) - the latest I expected our TA was 10/23 - knowledge is power - if I had jsut been told the truth I wouldn't have been waking up at 2am checking email, being stuck to a phone for the last 3 weeks and incessantly checking every airfare possibility.

Let me jsut say I was not at my best on the phone.

AND then I went upstairs and saw these ~

UGLY cry LOL!

Baby Griffen's shoes still sitting without an owner,

Even the stuffing breaks my heart,

and the pristine newness.

They should be scuffed,

and worn,

and dirty by now.

Two little shoes,

Two aching arms.

I awoke last night at 2:31 feeling something was wrong.

I checked each bed,

tucked in each child,

and my heart broke for my one child who I can't tuck in, I don't know anything about other than a report now 2 years old and 5 sentences from March.

This afternoon I walked into Fei and Griffen's room and smiled at what I found.  All of his treasures sent from across the country.  Lovingly made by hand for a very special little boy.  So many prayers for him.  A tiny little boy so unwanted he waited for over a year to be chosen, and a leap of faith.  

I won't be traveling when I thought but I just need to hold onto that God's timing is perfect.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jesus Calms the Storm

I hardly ever work at the computer on Sundays - it is my sweet husbands only day off.  BUT I jsut had to post what I heard in church this morning.  It has so changed my attitude, calmed my soul, and refocused my vision.

Matthew 8:23 (rewritten as best as I can remember from today's sermon but you can listen here)

The disciples followed Jesus into a boat, remember that some were fishermen so they knew how to handle themselves at sea.  AS the winds picked up and things became worse, they looked around for Jesus and where was he but asleep.  They woke Him, and out of his sleep he basically said . . . be calm and went back to sleep.  As the disciples calmed, so did the environment.

Although there were an awful lot of people in the church today, this part of the sermon "was jsut for me". I have let the craziness of this process overshadow everything else.  I know in my head that His perfect timing is just that.  In fact, I just blogged about it and then turned like a child and fell back into my humanness - ugh!

Are we not so blessed that words spoken can so directly change our attitudes.  I am calm, He has this, I am good.