You know in my warped sense of reality I thought if we weren't adopting then God would let us be for a bit - yeah NO!!
THe past few weeks have been huge soul searching, spiritual growing time.
I still have limits that I have placed on God
and on myself.
I have learned so much over the last few years,
and sometimes nothing at all.
For some reason I have had a huge stumbling block in my way
and
it
came in the form of a car!
Yeah stupid I know.
BUT for me a large capacity vehicle meant
we had a big family - um yeah even with 6 kids I thought not us.
I was wrapped up in what people thought of us,
I was afraid it made us even more conspicuous (cuz you know we blend right in now LOL~)
BUT
the saddest for me to even admit right now is that -
I was afraid it would open us up to what God might ask next.
Ugh can you see me and Him hitting our heads against the wall.
For some reason for us, the cars have been the keys to our adoptions.
Heck, the Yukon XL with the 2nd bench seat was the ticket to Tao coming home.
BUT I also know I wasn't ready,
I jsut couldn't make the leap to Tao as well as to opening the door fully for God at the same time.
THe Yukon XL was our baby step.
BUT He kept working on me, (I am sure while shaking his head - Dear child of mine, jsut trust me)
It took a mini trip (luckily only 2 hrs from the house) requiring 2 vehicles and cramped quarters for me see the light. I say me because hubby has been hounding me for years to get a large capacity vehicle (ok a short school bus but you know LOL!)
Can I tell you that we (God & I) had a heart to heart the next few days. My stupid scared self and God, compassionate as always.
I finally relented (yeah God & I have a toddler relationship many times.) I test drove a Nissan NV, hmmm not as bad as I would have thought but not really for us.
Then I researched online. And I found a possibility ~
The van was exactly as we needed/ wanted it.
You see with 3 dwarfs we HAD to have the side step thing.
I HAD to have heated seats (I know call me spoiled but still)
We HAD to have room for a wheelchair and/ or double stroller.
Our BIG kids had to be ok with it (BTW they LOVE it!)
We HAD to be able to pay cash for the difference.
I am proud to say we are the new owners of a 12 passenger van (currently set up for 9) that God also blessed us with being in our price range - jsut slightly more than what we got for our Yukon XL trade in! Just the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. Everytime I run the numbers I am shocked.
It's huge, it's obnoxious BUT it fits our family PERFECTLY!
I have no idea where this purchase will lead,
but I think we are open.
THe past few weeks have been huge soul searching, spiritual growing time.
I still have limits that I have placed on God
and on myself.
I have learned so much over the last few years,
and sometimes nothing at all.
For some reason I have had a huge stumbling block in my way
and
it
came in the form of a car!
Yeah stupid I know.
BUT for me a large capacity vehicle meant
we had a big family - um yeah even with 6 kids I thought not us.
I was wrapped up in what people thought of us,
I was afraid it made us even more conspicuous (cuz you know we blend right in now LOL~)
BUT
the saddest for me to even admit right now is that -
I was afraid it would open us up to what God might ask next.
Ugh can you see me and Him hitting our heads against the wall.
For some reason for us, the cars have been the keys to our adoptions.
Heck, the Yukon XL with the 2nd bench seat was the ticket to Tao coming home.
BUT I also know I wasn't ready,
I jsut couldn't make the leap to Tao as well as to opening the door fully for God at the same time.
THe Yukon XL was our baby step.
BUT He kept working on me, (I am sure while shaking his head - Dear child of mine, jsut trust me)
It took a mini trip (luckily only 2 hrs from the house) requiring 2 vehicles and cramped quarters for me see the light. I say me because hubby has been hounding me for years to get a large capacity vehicle (ok a short school bus but you know LOL!)
Can I tell you that we (God & I) had a heart to heart the next few days. My stupid scared self and God, compassionate as always.
I finally relented (yeah God & I have a toddler relationship many times.) I test drove a Nissan NV, hmmm not as bad as I would have thought but not really for us.
Then I researched online. And I found a possibility ~
The van was exactly as we needed/ wanted it.
You see with 3 dwarfs we HAD to have the side step thing.
I HAD to have heated seats (I know call me spoiled but still)
We HAD to have room for a wheelchair and/ or double stroller.
Our BIG kids had to be ok with it (BTW they LOVE it!)
We HAD to be able to pay cash for the difference.
I am proud to say we are the new owners of a 12 passenger van (currently set up for 9) that God also blessed us with being in our price range - jsut slightly more than what we got for our Yukon XL trade in! Just the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. Everytime I run the numbers I am shocked.
It's huge, it's obnoxious BUT it fits our family PERFECTLY!
I have no idea where this purchase will lead,
but I think we are open.
- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6
Great post!!! I have been where you are at. We got a 15 passenger van when we had child number 7. We got it so we could bring friends and cousins with us, haha. People asked if we planned on filling it up. Of course not! Well, we did fill it up and so we then got a 22 passenger bus for trips, to be comfortable we say. We swore we would not fill that up. We still have a ways to go but the bus is getting fuller by the year and overflowing when we put the married kids in the mix.
ReplyDeleteThe heart is willing but the flesh is weak. :)
We had to buy something bigger, too! Her name is Sylvia and heres the post on her. We have three empty seats in her and we are in no hurry to fill them up....we need a few years.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.homespunheritage.net/2012/10/sylvia.html
ReplyDeleteHow awesome!!!!!! Is there another one that I could come pick up? LOVE!!!! God is soooooo good!!!
ReplyDeleteWe have 4 daughters and are working to adopt through foster care. That is exactly the car I need because while we are a big family, we're about to become a LARGE family. I think your car is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI have total car envy! : ) I love the way God speaks to you and works on you and through you! He's doing a number on me right now which I totally need. We'll see where it all ends for the both of us!!
ReplyDelete