So honored

When I wrote the perfection blog post a few weeks ago I was so honored to have

feature the blog post.  For no other reason than I truly believe that with so many "scary" special needs and families always on the verge of taking that first step, I pray it speaks to someone.  Just like someones blog spoke to me.  Three (almost) little ones later, I have learned what I couldn't truly understand in the beginning.  THe greatest special need any of these children have is the need of a family.

Plethora

As I review the past week - for that matter the past year - I stand in awe.

My phone literally binged so much even the nurses referred to it as the prayer phone!!

We had so many texts, emails, facebook wishes I was floored.  

Best of all jsut the ding of my phone alone rose my eyes up and filled my heart!

Isn't he so cute!!

We even had people drive the 3-5 hours roundtrip to come visit us!?!  Just crazy 

Yeah, he is now 4, and been around mommy enough

 to make stupid faces when he sees the camera LOL!

Cav received cards from the Sunday school and a darling poster,

A friend brought us 4 . . . YES FOUR! of our favorite chicken alfredo's.  

We have so many dinners, I am going to have to start freezing - 

even our chickens are blessing us with extra eggs!

He loved his fabulous "speedy recovery" cookie bouquet (of course so did his siblings!!)

Everyone of our children have had a scheduled playdate - this has been such a blessing allowing for time to nap and care for just Cav.

Although the plethora of items is incredible, truly I stand in amazement at the love people have for these kids who once had no value.

Please keep little man in your prayers, he had trouble with vomiting today which meant he went most of the day without much medication.  I was pretty worried, and jsut about the time I was figuring out a hospital run, he ate some of his comfort food (oatmeal with milk is about as close as I can get to congee LOL!)

Rockstar

Cav's day started out pretty difficult. He was unable to keep anything down so we delayed pulling the epidural. Just a few short hours later we discovered he had wiggled so much in bed that the covering over the epidural site has come up. The only option was to the epidural - no weaning, but lots of prayers

Then as we waited for the pain team arrive - Cav looked at me and said 'Ma, I hungry!'. Yeah! He did great the rest of the afternoon. We are experiencing some pain but I won't let it go untreated.

Again this kid amazes me - we got his wheelchair and this is first attempt using it and he is a rock star!!

Recovery

These are my thoughts - documenting this journey - I am not even sure if they are worth posting but I want to keep them for when Cav is older. I finally got called back to the recovery and I was amazed, not only did I recognize my child svoice, but he was screaming mommy! Music to my ears. I was able to sit by his side and comfort him, to dry his tears. In the brightly lit room surrounded by strangers and equipment I was his oasis. He cried loudly, his little leg owied and then the words that stung the most. "put my leg back." Finally, more drugs and he is sleeping. I sit in the quiet of an almost empty PACU, I find the beeping monitors strangely calming. Probably from years of working in the NICU. Waiting for the morphin to wear off,but glad he is sleeping, no longer aware of the pain his body is experiencing. It saddens me to think that for the fortunate children who receive surgery while still in china, few have someone at their side. Although we are not people who like to be the center of attention, cav's adoption seems to affect others - ordinary people. Even here in a hospital where the hallways are filled with children of varying special needs, Cavand his story is touching people's souls. How many times have I repeated that we are just ordinary people. I do wonder the results of his story though. Is this the heart you were meant to change. How will your story play out, years down the road. And then it comes full circle to one family saying yes to one little boy. How many other children will God use . . . Today, this week, this year. How many other families will see past the disability to the path of faith they are meant to follow.

Amputation surgery

It is 11:30 and i sit here embarrassingly at peace. I even questioned - is it because Cav is adopted. To some extent the answer is . . . Yes. But not because I love this wild child any less than my other children. But because as I laid him on the gurney I felt as if I was laying him into God's hands. This child in particular has always been His - it still amazes me a child who meant nothing in his homeland has had such a dramatic impact on ours. As a side note - cav's little leg was already gone by our first call from the OR at 10. As I was typing this they came out and are just now closing on his second leg. I believe he has ended up with a - Through the knee amputation on the right A Symes amputation on the left And a tibial osteotomy on the left. The left will be casted and we think the right will have a pressure dressing. And now is the calm before the storm. We have been receiving texts, calls, and messages from all over the world today - THANK YOU!

God's timing

As I watch this child sleep in a huge hotel bed just across the street from Denver children's hospital - and of course the quietness of having just him, I realized something. Yet again I must marvel at God's perfect timing. Almost four years to the day of his finding he will have surgery. Four years ago as I held my sweet little 1 year old (Brahm) another mother spent this week fretting over her tiny babies deformed legs. Although we can romanticize the story, truthfully I have very limited information. He was about a month old He was found in a chair in the hospital He was listed for international adoption at 16 months We sent LOI in on his 3 rd birthday He will have surgery 1 week to the day of when he was found. To a child who's birthday is most likely not even right, the date if his finding is huge. He survived and in Cav's case his mother took an incredibly risk to ensure he was found quickly, and would (I am sure she hoped) receive the care she could not afford. As a side note, we were able to find a molding kit for at least his little leg. This is his foot with only 4 toes, and completely non weight bearing. I hope when he is older and questions his path we can show him a small glimpse of what came before. Of course Brahm came up with the idea. As a final note - I spent so much of last year with people questioning how adopting would affect our children. I have never been prouder of them. Even our biggest gave him extra hugs before going back home from the lacrosse tournament. We have always explained to them that this is God's plan and it is a wonderful first step to him walking. But their compassion for a child they truly just met astounds me.

Cav's perfect legs - Sunday Snapshot

Years ago, when Brahm was born, I became fascinated with photographing what was unique to each persons :disability".  Maybe it is my nursing background, and my fascination with genetics.  The very items they use to diagnose my son, I also wanted to document for their uniqueness, that designated our journey as well as made him extra special.

Interestingly, over the past few months, we have fallen in love with Cav's odd limbs.
THe way his foot folds,
the fibula that sticks out and allows him to climb,
his nine little toes and the lack of bigs.

Most importantly, I fell in love with his feet as I watched him sleep.

So tonight, as we face surgery on Monday I wanted to capture these last images of his legs while he was sleeping, with jsut the light from the closet (his left).

Although we knew from the beginning of the journey he would need amputation surgery in order to walk, we still find ourselves beginning to mourn the loss of those imperfectly perfect limbs that have carried him so very far.

Interestingly, and although I almost never post SOOC pics, I just couldn't edit these (the top was cropped to the left a teeny bit.  I loved the yellow from the closet bulb, and the feeling of warmth.

If you think of him on Monday please pray for the surgeons hands, and Cav's overall well being.  He is ready for surgery - to him it means he will finally get shoes (not til August but this is the first step.)